Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
When i first came to this site i was furious, i felt and still feel betrayed, sad, and discarded. i said i wish that the other man would just die. well he did. we just found out that he was dead and i had to sit and watch my wife cry over him. she hasnt had any contact with him since dday and had done everything right in healing our marriage and i can understand why she was upset but i dont know how to console her or even if i want to. i hate to see her upset but i really dont know what to do. and to be honest i dont really care that hes dead, i almost feel relieved. i dont know how he died but his father killed his mother before thanksgiving so my only beliefe is that he committed suicide after all he was only 25 years old. i have never wished ill things on people...thats not my nature but i really dont care what happened to him. am i wrong for this?
The death had nothing to do with you even though you wished it would happen. If that was the case, thousands of cheater would drop dead daily.
Whether he is dead or alive, the real work lies between you and your wife. And, it is a really messed up place to be in to see your wife torn up and have such mixed emotions about it, as she is torn up over someone you really have no desire to help comfort her over.
It may be enough just to acknowledge her pain and ask her to understand that with this you can offer her comfort, but will give her space to grieve.
But I think it is also possible to separate how you feel about him and his death, and acknowledge that you're wife is grieving and is in emotional pain, and be wiling to help her because you do care about her. Like you, she is feeling what she is feeling, despite that it should have never happened. If you can make that separation, perhaps you can help her grieve.
Holy crap dude...you have been through the wringer.
Frankly, I can't blame you for not consoling her. It must be hell to watch her cry over a scumbag that almost wrecked your marriage.
I think the best thing to do is to tell her how you feel. Tell her what you have told us. Tell her you can support her on other matters, but this one is too painful for you. I'm sure she will understand.
Then, find out where he is buried and piss on his grave.
Honestly, I don't blame you one bit for not feeling bad that he's dead. If any one of those girls were to die tomorrow I wouldn't give a shit. And if Drew was upset I wouldn't console him. If he really insisted on being upset over someone like that, he could do it on his own time.
As bad as it sounds, I would feel relieved too. That way I would know that he's never going back to her. I don't think anything you're feeling is wrong. Don't worry about it.
I wouldnt feel bad - and i would also be upset if my W was crying about this sake of shit. sorry again.
tell her - how would she like it if you did the same thing over a lover that you cheated with - that makes no sense.
Sorry you're having to face your wife's emotions on this, man.
He held a place in her heart while R with you.
As far as Karma so very true what goes around comes around.
Sorry dude but the death is reality check.
We all hold a place in our heart for everyone we ever let into our heart, even if the relationship is long over. Our hearts are not like a tool box where we can just discard a tool once we replace it.
Wish it was, but its not.
How much latitude do the ones who made us promises, took vows.... and then lied in our faces get?
I have seen this before here. The unbalanced and immoral person who we try and convict for the adultery takes their life and becomes a real annoyance,
A human lie was lost. A liar and a cheat remains.
We are all better for that I guess.
You on the other hand didn't wish it upon him....not sure you're wrong for not mourning your wife's lover. And I might puke to watch my husband mourn his freakin girlfriend.
If anything, maybe refer her to a grief counselor?? That's the best I think I could do in this instance.