What is Infidelity
Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who ...
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My H and I have been together for 15 years and we have 3 kids together. Nither of us were preveiusly married or had children from previus relationships. There is a 15 year age differance between us. I was 19 when we married and 3 months pregnant with our first child. Our other 2 children followed closely there after.I have been a stay at home mom for most our marrige. The first time something happened my oldest daughter was one ad a half. He made a very suggestive pass at my then best friend, going so far as to kiss her. When she told me about it I didn't believe her b/c I didn't think he would ever do something like that to me. The seconmd time it happened I was working and he got in the bed with my babysitter and tried to convince her to have sex with him.When I found out about it, he admitted to it and I left him for almost 3 months. During that time I found out that he also approched at least two other women in our neighborhood for sex. Everyone of these women turned him down b/c they knew me and knew he was married.The hell he put my kids through try to get me back was horrable. I did go back to him b/c I truely wanted my marrige to work and b/c I loved him.Things got alittle better. I quite my job and became a stay at home mother once again. That was when my oldest daughter was 5. Now she is 14 and I have found out in the past couple of months that he has been having on line affairs with multiple women through different adult websites and even joining several of them to hook up with women who are local. I have no actual proof that he has met with any of these women pysiacally, but my instincts tell me he has. I've printed everything I've found on the computer off. When I confronted him about he said that basically it was my fault b/c I have shut him out and have not been there for him. He lost his father this past year and I was hopitalized with severe depression and bipolar type 2 diorder. I did go through a whole period where I could barely get out of bed much less take care of the house or anything else. I haven't been the best house keeper over the years and after my kids were born I did let myself go and gained alot of weight. But aren't part of your vows "for better or for worse"? He has never really been there for me on any kind of emotional level and I have always been put "on the back burner" so to speak.But I have never been unfaithful to him even when I had the oportunity. As far as I can tell he has been doing this for the past year. I am not cureently working and have no formal education like he does. He has a masters in vocational agiculter and is a well paid teacher. I don't want to go through this any more but I know I can't support my self and my children either. He refuses to even talk about what is going on much less go to any type of couseling. He is a great dad to the kids and only my oldest daighter knows what is going on. I don't really know how to deal with this b/c of my kids. What ever decisions I make will deeply impact them. He and I don't fight and we for the most part get along preety well. I feel like I have become desensitised by what he has repeatedly done over the years. He is a charming, easy going person who for the most part I get along with fine. But I can't stand what he is doing to me. I am buying software for the computer to tack his movementsb/c I have a feeling I've only scratched the surface of what is going on here. I'm not allowed to have his pass words or anything,so this is my only option. Do I stay for the kids sake and go back to school so I can support them later on or do I try to get out now?
Posted on 11/05/09, 09:11 am |
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This guy has been repeatedly cheating on you, he lies and is showing poor character. what good would it be for the kids to live with him?
He can give you an incurable disease and he crushed your self esteem. Gather all the evidence and dvorce him. I'm really pro-family and marriage, but this guy is a real piece of work. I say LEAVE. 
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I agree. You cannot stay with him. He's been hurting you by cheating almost your whole marriage! He's not going to change, especially if he's not willing to go to counseling.
This is NOT your fault. I suspect your depression, maybe even weight gain might be due to the stress of his cheating. I'm guessing. But it's not your fault. He's chosen to cheat time and time again. I'm so sorry for your pain. I'd say you need to make a plan to get out. That can mean you go now and try to get as much alimony and child support as you can. Or maybe that means, waiting it out until you can get a certificate or degree. You can do what my sis did. She moved in with family to get help with her kids while she went back to school. Now she has a career, is on her own with her kids and doesn't regret leaving one bit! Bottom line, you deserve happiness and an emotionally healthy life. You deserve BETTER and so do your kids!
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You make a plan to leave and then follow through. I wouldn't say to rush out tomorrow with no job, etc but I would say to start working on that path today. You could even attend college while HE supports you and the kids and he'd know none the less.
but stay? No. I wouldn't stay.
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I'm sorry to hear your story. It's really sad. I think that your husband has shown he can't be trusted over and over again and it doesn't look like he will change. He is causing you more heartbreak than you deserve. If possible, go back to school. Show your daughters that a woman doesn't have to put up with this and that with an education a woman can do anything. My husband cheated as well and I'm going to do the Web Watcher thing to make sure he's not still lying. I hate to do it and to not trust him but it's hard to trust someone who had an affair and who lied over and over. Since your husband will deny anything he does, I would get all the evidence you can and plan to leave. Even if it takes a while to get a job, you should go. I bet you will be a lot happier once you leave.
Believe me, I know it's a scary thought being a single mom (it scares me too) but sometimes you just need to accept that some people will not change. Worry about yourself and your daughters. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.
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This guy is not worth your committment to him. He's just NOT.
Hate to say it but if you knew he was trying to throw himself around all over the place years ago, you should have kept any job you could have to keep that safety net alive and well for you. You always need to be financially independent on your own terms. It's just wise. That said, make that plan to get out. No one deserves to live like this. Sure, I am very profamily and promarriage, but I would no hesitate to tell you to take your kids and leave him. Your kids should never see their parents treated like this. Your posting here says you know, on some level, that enough is enough. It's time. Sending support. Make your plan. L~
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Another word...
Alimony. L~
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