What is Infertility
Infertility is the inability to naturally conceive a child or the inability to carry a pregnancy to term. There are many reasons why a couple may not be able to conceive, or may no...
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Mama Said Not To Discuss IVF
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After many years of trying to conceive we finally decided to bite the bullet and undergo IVF. I'm very excited that this month I have several follicles (a previous cycle was canceled for only producing 2 follicles). I was so thrilled to see some sign of life in my ovaries that I called my mom to giver her a daily update, and I told a few people partly because we have been through so much, and also because I finally had some good news. My mom told me to "not talk about it, don't tell so many people." Another friend didn't even answer my email when I told her the good news. It's not like I'm telling the guy at the post office, but can't I tell loved ones? Is anyone keeping this a secret? It's kind of hard to not talk about it. I go to the doctors everyday, I can't drink alcohol, or coffee, and every night at 9 pm my husband gives me my shot. So when we're out with friends we have to run to the bathroom together so he can give me my meds. It's raised more than a few eyebrows. We're also broke from the costs, people always ask why we don't have any money. Should I just bite my lip or lie?
Posted on 10/30/09, 10:10 am |
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That is definitely a personal preference. We chose to tell our parents only. I have never spoken of it to any other person. This is my rationale: If we were just BDing like normal people, we wouldn't call our friends and say, "Hey, we had sex last night and I think we hit the mark!" However, you might be a really open person and feel better by talking to people. I have just found that people generally like getting info about you so they can pass it on but don't really consider the personal nature of it or the sensitivity. I have trust issues. GL. 
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I guess I qualify as an "open" person. I feel like I told just about everyone. My friends, my family, but not the postman...
For me, it was about having the support. I needed people to know so I could talk about my fears and hopes and just plain old complain about being bloated. FYI, my mother was mortified by my openness with so many people. She is very private. She has a lot of preconceptions about taboo subjects. That said, she was entirely supportive of me.
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We've gone through 3 IUIs, one fresh cycle of IVF, and we're doing a FET in December. The only people who know anything about this are my parents and the only reason they know is because they've helped us financially. We rarely talk about it. My husbands parents don't know. I have two sisters and I'm very close to them but they have no clue. None of my friends know. I just don't want the added pressure or questions. For me, it's a very personal thing and I don't want this to be the topic of people's conversations. People are so interested in this topic and they all seem to have advice to give or judgments to make. One of my aunts struggled with infertility when I was in my teens and everyone talked about her all the time. I think it scarred me. So, I don't talk about it to anyone. It's funny.....my mom tries to encourage me to be more open about it and talk about it more but I won't. I guess everyone's situation/feelings on this are different!
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My husband and I decided to share our IVF news with everyone. However, in a way I wish that we would have kept it to ourselves. We live in a very small, religious town and have found plenty of opposition to our decision to have IVF. We have also found great support in some people, but I guess you have to be willing to take the good with the bad.
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After my BFN, I learned to keep "certain" parts of my treatments to myself. People who knew we did IVF wanted answers that I wasnt ready to give as I was feeling "guilty" about my results. Since Im the one with the issues, it's harder to give "not so hot" results and "explain" what happened. I have enven decided that once I start treatment again, I will tell nobody except you ladies.
I also hate to talk about this to people who dont understand what we go through. It's a waste of air!
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My husband and I told only our parents the second time around, thats because I am super close to my mom and he is close to his... It wouldn't feel right not telling them. Of course people started figuring out what was going on when I was on bedrest for three days after ET. The first time around was hard when I miscarried and had to explain to everyone what happend. I really think that if you want to tell people then you should...sometimes I think if we share our stories of IF and how hard it was/is to watch everyone else around you get pregnant then people may be more understanding (wishful thinking i know) but some people will understand. I am like the last girl left in my family who hasn't had a baby.... now I am pregnant with 3 and alot of people are in shock but I just tell everyone I had to catch up. If you want to tell people I think you should, if you don't then don't. GL to you and your journey with IVF.
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I kinda agree with your mom. I am getting ready for my first IVF cycle in Dec. My husband and I decided to keep it to ourselves. However I discussed it with a close friend of 20years and she had the most negative things to say. Needless to say I won't be talking to her anytime soon. My uncle always said to keep things to myself. This is already an emotional and stressful time there is no need to have to worry about other peoples opinions and negative feelings. With that said I am choosing to keep my mouth shut. Hope that helps hun!
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My wicked aunt's sister went through IVF long before I got on this road, and she has been kind enough to offer me a little adivce.
One of the things she told me was "be wary of the negativity that will come from the most unexpected of places, and when it does just accept that they have never experience this and be greatful that they don't get it because of that" Hope it helps somehow. x
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