What is Infertility
Infertility is the inability to naturally conceive a child or the inability to carry a pregnancy to term. There are many reasons why a couple may not be able to conceive, or may no...
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alienating EVERYONE around me
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i feel like i'm losing my mind.....last cycle, we used clomid. my moods were SO awful....this cycle (i'm 4d post iui) we did injectibles. my moods were so bad on clomid that, two weeks ago, my sister and i got in a fight (she's 20 years older than me) and i was so awful that we haven't spoken since. today, i got into it with my mother.
my 21 year old unmarried niece is pregnant. her shower is sunday. i told my mother i wasn't going (she knows we are going through IF treatments....she is the only one in the family that DOES know) and she asked why. i said "i have things to do" and she came back with "i'm so tired of you being holier than thou" (i was a little vocal, 8 months ago when we found out my niece was pregnant, about her being unmarried, having no plans on marrying the father, not putting the baby up for adoption, etc. etc. etc.) and i FREAKED out on her. i'm not being holier than thou but have CHOSEN to not put myself in an AWFUL position of going to a shower where everyone is oh so happy for her and i'm not. because i'm pissed that it's not me. and angry that i have to go through what i'm going through and she didn't (i didn't mention that this is the second time in a year she's gotten pregnant did i? first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage).....and, yes, hormonal and emotional too on top of it. it wouldn't matter if it was my best friend who IS married....i don't think i'd be able to handle her baby shower either if she were pregnant! sorry to vent, have probably alienated myself from you guys too. just SO upset and hurt that my own MOTHER would say that to me, knowing what i am going through (oh, btw, i am the ONLY person in our family (mom, two sisters, four nieces) that has had any problem getting pregnant...in fact, you'd look at all of them crosseyed and they'd get pregnant!). and i hung up the phone on her. i was supposed to go over there tonight to help her around the house (she's 78) and she called me back and said "i don't think you should come over tonight. i'll figure out a way to get my trash out on my own. goodbye" and i hung up before she could say anything else. OMG these stupid hormones are DRIVING ME INSANE!!! (and now i'm laughing because i really DO see how nuts i'm acting :-)) has anybody else experienced this craziness?? what do you DO? just not talk to ANYONE? this is insane! Posted on 11/05/09, 02:11 pm |
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whooooa your mom needs to step back here. IF is a medical condition. she needs to understand that you are going through some really emotional stuff here!!!!!!!
i wish i had copied it before but someone posted a great story/letter/article about what it feels like to be us. i wish i had it bc i'd tell you to send it to your mom. drugs or not you are entitled to say no i am not going. you are not wrong here and you havent alienated us. we've all been down this road too. hang in there, im praying your iui took and you get your bfp in 10 days!!!! 
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oh my God you don't know how good it feels to read your words....thank you! i'm at the point where i feel if i don't get a bfp this time (this is only the 2nd cycle) i almost want to give up because it's making me ca-RAZY!
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I understand completely about others not understanding. A couple of weeks ago there was a shower for my unmarried (with no plans to marry or be with the father either) cousin.... this is also her 2nd pregnancy... she had an abortion when she was younger. And I didn't go. There was no way in hell I would torture myself like that..... everyone else there ooh-ing and ahh-ing and being so happy for her.... happy that she got knocked up on a one night stand? Give me a break. And no one really gets it.... I've heard some pretty unpleasant comments geared toward me about not going and not being supportive of her and blah blah blah. It sucks. Especially when it's family saying those things. But keep your head up. We know what's best for us.
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Girl! It feels like you are losing your mind!!! I know how you feel. Literally, I have to go and find something to get my mind off of this because it makes you feel like you are losing it! Please try and hang in there. Try to find something that makes you happy. I like to go and look at the mall or get my toes done. You are not alone!! Please beleive that!
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I am so sorry. I am sure you have seen this video but I think you should show it to your mom.. www.tearsandhope.com It is not being holier than blah blah .. It is about self preservation. That's all.. Praying for you to find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Right now I could definitley not handle a baby show either. ..
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It is so hard when people just don't get it- how awful it is to deal with IF. You had every right not to go to that shower. It killed me to go to my sister in laws shower, (who got pregnant, of course, right after our IF issues began). And now I have to be nice when she complains about my newborn neice! People have no idea how it is to have what you want most flaunted in front of youf face! And that's without the meds- my moods are nuts too. It's almost not worth it.
You are normal & completely justified in your feelings. Good for you! Many hugs to you, and here is to a positive test in 10 weeks!
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I will start taking clomid soon and I hope that I can control my moods a little. Is there not a medicine that could be taken to make a person not be moody?? As soon as my OB said it would make me moody my DH said Oh great. I think he thinks I am pretty moody anyways so he probably thinks that this is gonna push me over the edge. Anyways I know how you feel I keep that bottled inside alot. I hope I don't blow soon. I went to a friends baby shower in August and surprisingly I was fine. I hope you get through this. This to shall pass.
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OK YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS WEBSITE:
www.wishtobeamommy.com trust me, you are not alone!! Hang in there...
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I did the same thing with my married cousin. I could not put myself through the pain of seeing someone with a large beautiful pregnant belly when that is what I want more than anything in the universe. My family on the other hand is very supportive being my mother has told all of them that we are going through IF treatments.
I too have gone of on "hormonal fits" as I like to call them on my mother my husband and anyone who just hits the one and only nerve I seem to have when I am on clomid.
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ah yes, the hormonal fits. well i survived this weekend by keeping myself and DH VERY busy with cleaning the basement, garage, bedroom, bathroom, closet, kitchen, my office, and the dining room. NO JOKE!!! oh yeah, and doing 10 loads of laundry because i've been having a pity party for the past few weeks and have done NONE!
still haven't spoken to my mother since thursday (we usually speak every other day if not every day) but know what? i'm ok with that. as FNP said, it's about self preservation. i'm preserving my feelings and energy for PEACE! if they can't deal with that, then screw 'em! ;-) thanks everyone!!!
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