Infertility Support Group

good idea

I think this is a good idea too, but I shopuld say, while I think EVERYONE that comes to this page should be considerate and use proper ettiquette, I don't think we should start policing what people post. What is a good topic or helpful for one person isn't to another. I am sure I am guilty of posting things that many find un-important. But, it's my right to post what I feel like I need to at that time. Yes, it is hard for all of us to see a bfp. But, you know what? I seriously consider many of these ladies my true friends and I WANT to celebrate with them.

oh, and by the way...there is already a group for posting pregnancies. And posting pregnant after ivf, etc..
However, I am not on those pages because I am not pregnant. So, if one of my friends posts there, I can't see it. I think that christina02 handled her bfp announcement beautifully. She did it in her journal. Not blasting it across the news feed. Not blasting on every status update. Not blasting it in every comment she made. And, she continues to make her presence here about supporting others and being supprted by us. that, my friends, is the BEST way to share your happy news :)

I agree with thelowes.....I know that it's hard for us to see BFP, but when we take a step back and think about who these ladies are that are posting them it should inspire us!! It should show us that there is hope for each and every one of us!! As hard as this journey is, we need every little inspiration that we can get!! It's not like any of these ladies haven't struggled right along side of us!!

With that being said, I am so sorry that someone was hurt by a post or posts here because I would bet my paycheck that none of the women that posted their BFPs set out with the intentions to hurt anyone!! They wanted to share their joy with those that they have been struggling with!! I hope that the person that was hurt can see it through and stay because the support in this group is amazing!!

Ya, I completely agree with you theLowes. I do not think we should be policing what people post either. But I figured if people want to celebrate their good news with their IF sisters by posting something on the discussions board that maybe if there was a specific place for those announcements then that could be a good middle ground. Like you said there are specific groups for such announcements but if they post it on those other groups people not members of the group will see it. So why not have a category on our discussion board for it.

I have made friends on this site (including one local to me who I am planning on going to get coffee with) and want to celebrate with them. It gives me hope that I may one day get my BFP too, but sometimes I always feel horrible about my situation when I see them.

I also agree that the best way of announcing a BFP may be to write it in your journal so that your friends can see it but not necessarily everyone else. Because you never know what someone else is experiencing and how they may feel.

But people have the right to put a discussion out there too, so I was just trying to figure out something that may help everyone feel a little better about the announcements. I just felt horrible for Mandy feeling she needed to leave the support group since I know how much it has helped a lot of people.

I understand you are trying to help. That is very kind of you :)

I believe seeing BFP’s are inspiring and helpful. Some people choose to lock their journals for friends only and I want to celebrate everyone's success, not just the ones who have friended me. Seeing all the BFP's through IVF is what finally got me to take this step. I was unsure about IVF before coming to this site and reading other people's journey, failures or successes. I figured if other women out there can do IVF and get a BFP, why can't I? DS and BFP's give me strength. I don't care where we are to post, as long as we can celebrate success.

I've been thinking about what to say and how to say it since I saw Mandy's post about leaving DS. I thought about reaching out to her as well and discussed it with another DS sister. Honestly, I was not happy to read that so many had a problem with her wanting to leave because she came to the site for support and to have a place that felt SAFE from the outside fertile world. I fully agreed with how she was feeling. I have done EIGHT cycles (4 IUI's and 4 IVF's) in under a year and have failed at every turn. It is SO HARD for me to SHARE in others BFPs. It may have given me hope at one time, but after I have struggled so hard and gotten no where I feel nothing but hurt every time I read that someone else is pregnant. I WISH I didn't feel this way, and trust me I have tried to see the positive in it, but when IF keeps kicking you when you are down you want to feel safe and protected from the ONE thing that you are having such a hard time achieving. I have taken women off my friend list after reading journal entry after journal entry, status update after status update and picture after picture of pregnancy woes, baby name picking, nurseries, baby showers and sonograms pics, etc... Although I realize they struggled to get there too, I no longer feel comfortable reading about how they succeeded where I continue to fail. It hurts.....it hurts to read it, it hurts to delete them, it hurts to know that once again I am left behind. I think that is how Mandy was feeling and it should be respected. I have felt that MANY (not all) DS women forget very quickly once they are into a successful pregnancy.....AGAIN NOT ALL...but many. Look at it from where I stand.....I was friends with a DS woman that got pregnant at the SAME time as I did a few months ago. My pregnancy ended in no heartbeat and a D&C, hers went on to progress beautifully and every status update and sono pic KILLED me to see. Should I just continue to see these updates in my news feed every time I log on to DS for the next 6-7 months only to be reminded of the baby I will never get to meet ? A knife in my heart every time! Not intentional, but nevertheless so very painful!
I see things from both sides, but right now I am living in a world where my struggle is so difficult and my options are becoming limited, so if I want to come onto DS and feel SAFE from the fertile world, I should be able to. I love the idea of all of the lucky ladies with BFP moving over together to a group like "LMWT" is suggesting. No one is saying they shouldn't be able to share with the good friends they made, or policed in any way......just take a step back and think about women like me who are reading these updates in our news feeds every time we log on and how painful it can be. I congratulate each and every one of you and hope that the day will come when I can celebrate my family with you and yours...............but for now, please understand some of us are in darker places then others.
Hope I didn't offend anyone! This site has truly been a life saver for me, and I have made some incredible friends both online and off that I will treasure forever!!
XOXO

I'm sure I offended her and I reacted to quickly with my response. I got extremely defensive of the friends I've made on here who finally had their dream come true.

I've had the dark, awful, painful days and realizing seeing a BFP might just send me over the edge. I can't however in good conscience think ill of these girls.

It's a shame we have to segregate. Just last week people were saying they don't want the pregnant girls to leave because they can still support everyone else. That the girls with bfn felt offended and left behind. Now some people are changing their tune and saying bfp's need to go somewhere else. Color me confused.....

Sadly we can't read minds. Then we'd could tailor make our posts not the offend anyone. Too much drama. With that being said I'm keeping my damn mouth shut on the issue....minus my joke post about making the rules :)

Wow, Looks like maybe I stired some more stuff up again... dont know if thats good or bad...

Anyways, to get a new discussions topic added to the group, I have to file a feedback form. So I will put it to a vote if people want a place to announce BFP and the like let me know. If you think its a bad idea, let me know too.