Incest Survivors Support Group

The problem is not getting sexually aroused. That is a natural bodily reaction. The problem is that fools like me believe you when you say "you're the only one I've ever told this to" You get women to phone you because you say you're so triggered and you need to talk. In doing that you're grooming someone for abuse just as you were once groomed. All along you are planning to have a free phone sex session. You trick unsuspecting women who have already been victimmized in their lives and get them to listen to you with sympathy so you can physically gratify yourself. I'm so thankful I didn't call you. I feel ashamed enough at the way you deceived and used me. I haven't felt this badly about my own years of being abused in over 20 years.

I guess this is a perfect example of how abuse is perpetuated, because you are unable to see that you are using others just as you were once used. I know there are at least 5 others you have done this with. I'll leave it up to them and respect their decisions whether they choose to come forward or not.

One said you gave her your real name, but I doubt that. Going to therapy maybe once a month is not a commitment to healing - that is how often you said you go. I wish you would go much more often so you could begin truly healing. It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to behave in a way that makes you say you hate yourself. I don't believe its getting aroused that makes you hate yourself, but rather the way you act out to satisfy the arousal. I urge you to get help.

Meanwhile I caution others. Never give your personal information to any one and stick to anonymous online chats on this site. If someone asks you to phone them or that they phone you the answer should be a firm no. If something doesn't seem quite right. Trust your feelings.

It is very embarassing to admit how I was fooled and used, but maybe it will make someone else a little more cautious.

I wish I could find a rock to crawl under. I really feel like I need help. I can't stop crying. I can't believe I was stupid enough to let someone make a victim of me again.

I think that your feelings of "felt good" is normal. Sometimes I remember back to my abuse and I remember what it felt like. I remember feeling "it". I normally feel really disgusted, but I can understand how someone might get arosed from it. So all I have to say is good luck.

Young man you sound like you are in deep pain. It saddens me to hear anyone was abused since I have known that pain myself.

I am reluctant to admit it, but I almost carried the chain of my own abuse forward another generation. I started to but then I was asked how would you feel if this was done to you. I felt like I got hit by a sledge hammer. How could I have not seen what I was doing? I was in denial and it hurt bad to realize it.

I'm not going to blame you or scold you. I'm just going to ask that you grab yourself by the bootstraps and take a good honest look at what you're doing. It does not have to be this way. I believe in therapy, but if that didn't help me I would rather live as a hermit than hurt another human being through my own actions. I couldn't stand the thought of being the cause of making someone feel the way I felt.

There are lots of ways you could react. The knee jerk one is to feel sorrow for yourself and hate yourself. Sounds like you've been doing that for years and it's not helping or working. Maybe it's time to try something new. There are many things to try. I used emdr. It rid me of the recurring thoughts and obsessions. I think it was a pretty new thing when I had it, but I would have tried anything to get help. I don't know what anyone else thinks about it and I guess I don't care because it stopped me from reliving my past.

Toby, come out from under your rock and trust again. We get all get made fools of sometimes. It's not your fault. being vulnerable is part of being human. It sounds like you reached out to help someone and got burnt. That happens, but it's better than living under a rock. Don't give up on people.

You were just using me? I thought we were friends and all you wanted was to please yourself by hearing my pain? Why would you do that to me? Never contact me again.

Alepunkie you have convinced a lot of my friends I am a bad person in posts all over this web site. Thanks.

Don't get free will confused with biology. It was disgusting when I was abused but it felt good at times. Physical arousal is biology. It has nothing to do with our wants. It was just biology, not our doing. Our challenge is to refuse to be enticed into being aroused by it anymore. We do that by simply re-programming ourselves. I started by putting the rubber band on my wrist and when I thought of my abuse and let it still arouse me, I snapped the band a nasty one on my arm. It took the arousal away in a quick second. That isn't the answer, but it is a place to start.

Jason and I talk a lot and this is not what he is about. And this is why I don't spend much time on ds anymore. Because I get so tired of seeing those like alepunkie who seem to get more pleasure out of splashing everyone elses shame all over these pages instead of dealing with their own issues. I come here for support NOT drama! And now you've taken a safe place from someone else. Are you happy? FYI I got more triggered from YOUR posts than any of the many phone calls that I make and recieve from Jason. He's my friend!

I have the same problem and today I am scared and hiding.

Sometimes the feeling good causes us shame that happens to most of us. Remember there are many people have the same feelings. I know you don't want to hear this because I never like to hear it but there are many other who fell the same way. It is natural for a person for anyone to become arroused any time something sexual happens to us. I did too and wanted it to stop but it does. God created us that way---the shame should be re-directed to the person (s) who abused us! Please try not to be ashamed of your god given ability-shame is anger turned inward- place the anger on the correct place on the one who caused it. If we turn in on ourselves then we are intentionally hurting ourselves and we have been hurt enough haven't we? I know I have. I hope this helps otherwise throw it away. Always know I am here for you if you need to talk.