Incest Survivors Support Group

I hope your therapist isn't pushing you on the subject. When you and/or your others are ready you can talk about it. Not remembering is a way for your brain to protect you. I went through I period of a few years where I couldn't remember, I just knew I was terrified of him. If you are trying to remember, to figure it out, keep writing down those dreams. And any odd memories you have. I used to have this memory of a certain person leading me to a specific room and setting me up on the counter (i was like 3 or 4) and then that was all I remembered. After a while I remembered the rest of it- after that person had taken me to that room like I always remembered that person did bad things to me. Let your brain tell you when you are ready to remember. When I finally remembered everything I went through almost a year of really severe PTSD and basically could not function in the world. If you are lucky memories will slowly trickle back, not flood you like what happened to me. And if you're not ready you're not ready. You can't force your memory. I hope this has helped *hugs*. I also have multiples, I know that in an of itself can be hard enough.

Sorry you're having such a rough time. My personality was so fractured. One part of your brain just can't handle all the abuse all by itself. It's a defense mechanism that saves us.

I found the right therapist after many false starts. She never tried to push me to open up. She spent a lot of time letting me feel safe and secure that I could talk about what I wanted when I wanted. She did not have an agenda. I think the expectation that I open up being taken away was one of the things that made me open up. Does that make sense?

I actually told her about how I would lose time before actually opening up. She helped me understand why my mind was set up the way it was, fractured into different parts to handle different types of situations. She asked me once if I would like to be intergrated and just let me know it was possible. She let me know we could work on that if and when I wanted to but still no agenda. That was up to me. I've lost count of how many therapists had in my life but finally connected with the right one who knew what I needed. I live in a different state now and if something comes up I feel like I need to talk about I make an appointment and we do a phone session. When I first suggested it she said her only reluctance was not being able to see my physical reactions, but she would gladly try it. It worked out fine. She knows me so well she can hear in my voice what's going on. Too bad you don't live in NY. I'd give you her name. Even after not seeing her for 7 years talking to her again was like being able to talk in shorthand. A new therapist always wants to go back and talk about my childhood and if I ever need to I will, but when I need to talk about the present I just can't deal with the time it takes to get a new therapist on board with the fact that I don't really need to talk about my childhood any more. They think I'm resisting when in fact I just needed to talk about the present.

I'm going to send you a message. Sandy