What is Incest-Survivors
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons (often within the immediate family) that is illegal or socially taboo. The type of sexual activity and the natu...
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Guidance Please?
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My abuser, my older brother, has gotten his girl friend pregnant. His gf is physically and emotionally abusive to him. She is due to have a baby girl towards the end of December. Her baby shower is coming up, and I know my family wants me to go. I do want to go. This will be my first niece and my family means everything to me. However, ever since I found out that their child is a girl, I can't seem to get excited about being an aunt. In fact, I feel so bad for this child being born into this situation. I feel so selfish for not wanting to be apart of this babies life. After all, it was not her fault for any of this. I just don't know what it is that I should do. I really want nothing to do with my brother, but I don't want to punish the baby for his mistakes. Not to mention, how he and her mother are both potential abusers. The whole situation stinks. I guess I just need guidance, or just support. Thanks.
Posted on 11/02/09, 12:11 pm |
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Okay - I got a pit in my stomach reading your post.
My older brother abused me, and when I found out that his wife was pregnant (this was back in the days where I pretended that everything was just fine...) I freaked the fuck out! I really never had a genuine freak out before that. But I quickly reigned myself in and went on with our happy family charade. I definitely calmed down when I learned he was having boys (twins). The next time his wife was pregnant I happened to be pregnant as well. I freaked the fuck out again. I lost my baby. She had another boy. I have since had 2 healthy girls. And only since they have reached the ages I was when he abused me, have I found the strength to step away from any kind of relationship with him. I do not know what I would have done if he had had girls. And I do not know if my remaining silent for the sake of his wife and family was the right thing to do. How do I know if he could still be abusing. And how do I know that he would only abuse girls... So, I have no words of advice or guidance. Perhaps my convoluted story of confusion and conflict and anguish will help you in some way. Wait - maybe I do have some advice... Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Honor yourself and your feelings. They are true and real and important and worthy. Good luck. 
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Thanks, I actually rsvped to the baby shower today... and I also went out and bought 80 dollars worth of baby stuff for them. I've decided that I can put aside my dislike of my brother for the baby. It isn't the babies fault that she is being born to unfit parents. I want her to grow up knowing her auntie will always be there for her. I also need to teach her that if anyone touches her inappropriately she needs to tell me, or someone. I guess thats all I can do for now. Hoping for the best.
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I just have to say "WOW" my older brother was my abuser too and if he had a girlfriend and went and got her pregnate... I have to blunt I would make his life a living hell. I would MAKE sure he never did ANYTHING to that child and maybe somedays drop hints around the kid... thinking about it I feel kinda bad, but thats what I would honestly do. The fact your evening thinking of going to that baby shower is amasing to me. I just have to say good luck and I hope everything turns out well for you and the baby
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