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I just posted my first journal it was VERY hard to put into words .. even though no one knows who I am I still coudnt manage to write out the bad details I have told less than a handful of people in my entire life what happened when I was a kid. Most likely the number is soooo very small because I felt so ashamed and sick that for a long time I had convinced myslef that it didnt happen that I was a complete freak for making up something so wretched in my head. Then in a weird way I found out it had happened to my sister also and that kind of confirmed it. We talk to each other about it every once in awhile .. mostly when we drink :) I am married with three kids now and my husband knows .. thats it.
I have a son and two daughters and I worry that one day my son will do to them what my brother did to me. I think I finally need therapy because my sister told me the other day that she thinks I am harsher with my son than my daughters because she thinks I am afraid he wil be like our brother. I tihnk she's right. I love my kids I dont know what I would do if something bad happened to them I am extrememly over protective of them all I NEVER leave them alone and I dont allow babysitters because they might not keep a good eye on them. I hurt inside. Posted on 08/06/12, 02:35 pm |
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I understand. I am a mother and also very protective of my kids. I have been in therapy and it has helped me as a parent as well as with my issues from incest.
I hope you find a great threapist. It's wonderful that you have a supportive sister! 
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i went thru the same with my son after i had his younger sister...i was terrrified he wld end up like my brother too...my brother raped and molested me throughout my teenaged years...i ended up being physically abusive towards my son and over protective of my daughter...please seek therapy before it comes to that point for you too, as i didn't get therapy til it was too late and my son was taken off me and put into foster care...
love Manda xx
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I dont have kids but I have a few failed marriages, and I kept my families secrets till now... I would have continued to hide it all away but the demons of my family followed me into my adult life and I picked romantic partners who abused me just like my dad and male relatives... I know what you mean when you say it hurts to cope with it, but I believe it helps to bring it all into the light and then the darkness doesnt have a hold on you anymore, I hope you find a nice professional who helps you with your recovery, love,
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Thanks you guys
I think I am definitely ready to admit I am not better ,and I do need some help from a professional. I have an appointment with a therapist or a psychaitrist Im not sure in october ( thats the first available thing I could get) and I am just hoping I can be honest with them because I have A LOT of trouble telling people the truth I have had this tendancy in the past to dumb the truth down in my head and when writing aboutit .. make it not as bad as what really happened you knw :)
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