Incest Survivors Support Group

I'm repeating my repetition complex again; falling in love with a much older man. There is a twist this time though: he's totally blind. He's an attorney and lives in what could be considered a mansion. He's a big sweetheart and I guess being blind makes me fall for him harder because I want to take care of him and I'm so impressed by how successful he is in spite of his disability. I can't date him though, we went on one date but I can't continue even though I said I would. I have to stop dating men twice my age. I know it has to do with abuse and so that's why I'm not repulsed. That's probably why part of my brain is so madly attracted. I think this is the key to relieve my pain. If I can only conquer this horror of being dominated by an older man then I will be released from the pain. I can't drag someone into my pathology. How is that part of my brain going to react when the pain is still there after I've "dominated" him or whatever? Am I going to hate him and throw him away? Is that the part that is falling for him. Some kind of survival mechanism? I should tell him about my problem but I think he will be supportive and I will fall for him more-so. The same thing happened with my uncle a couple of years ago. He was standing in for my childhood abuse. I thought I really loved him and it was just a side-note that I was repeating my abuse. Turns out he was playing what ever role it took to get me in the sack. It worked because I am so starved of love. I can't go through that again. What should I do with these feelings?
Posted on 08/06/12, 12:53 am