Incest Survivors Support Group

A friend, Uhmmm. I often thought about what a good friend would look like. I have had friends most of my life but not the kind of friend I have invisioned in my head (heart).
the kind of friend I always wanted was one who would: spend time with me, even when im: quiet, angry, venting, laughing, moody, anxious, confused...and totally have the key to understand, comfort and put me back on my feet. But that is never going to come to happen. Because I think or I believe a true friend cant fix us, cant be 110 % always there, its humanly impossible. As much as I would like to be there for my friends, even those i've met here (all of us) I cant --
I think a friend is someone that does what she/he can and holds our hand even when they dont understand. Sits there laughing when we are laughing, and silently listens as we cry or share.
We never have the right words, I dont anyway!. I always feel like im gonna say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and I think we all feel that way --
I know you said not to say we are friends, but I feel close to you coz we are sharing a common bond.
lots of hugs,

I too have been lied to and betrayed just about everyone in life.

I'm leraning to live with that.
In a way i'm "lucky" i was so emotionally neglected as a child i knew very early on i had only myself.

I tried to connect with people in my adult life but i was lied to and dismissed again.

So i go back to i only have myself to count on.That way i do not get hurt again and again.


Most people suck.

hugs.

Thanks, trying to hang in there!

I guess I'm just lucky there. I'm not close with any friends where I live now and since I lost my wife it's been very lonely, but I have a couple of good friends from where I used to live that I see once in a while. They both used to play in a band with me and they sang at my wife's funeral. They live about a hundred miles away so I don't see them as often as I would like.

I have people who I call my "friends" but I have a huge fear of intimacy and I never let anyone get too close to me. I think that I am the reason that I am not closer with any friends-I don't trust people and I have too many walls up to let anyone in. I sometimes wish I had friends that i was closer with, but I always blame myself for the reason that they are not because making friends is one more thing that I suck at.

Yea, I'm starting to think that friends are possible, I just have to learn how to be a friend and how to trust a little.

thanks

I have a few very special friends and i am lucky to have them. I keep them at arms length and i keep them segregated from each other where they fit into different aspects of my life.
Recently I have mingled them and realized how special they are to me and how they all connect to each other without me even though not having met before.
I/we need friends, they cannot fix us or our past lives but they can ground us with their stories of normality. I have recently decided to reach out and make more friends if it's possible as i have come to the conclusion i am lonely. This life/journey of ours is hard, too hard to do alone, who knows what we have gone through may help someone else be strong if only we share a little of our selves by making friends.
Just remember they are human and that they can't disappoint you if you don't expect too much.

I was to the point of only expecting that my friends don't lie to me, or disown me and let me talk about my problems every once in a while between their ramblings. It doesn't seem like too much to expect. Am I wrong?

What do you expect out of friends?

I've had a couple of friends like that - but they've moved country and I guess our friendship wasn't strong enough to last the distance. I have no one I'd call a real friend to whom I could turn when I'm feeling really down. Not even my husband who is only happy when he believes I'm OK.

I'd like a real friend, but I am beginning to think I never will have one - so I have to learn to rely on myself. Not to shut myself off from others, but to realise my needs in a friend are probably more than most people are able to give. it makes me feel very sad to write this.