What is Incest-Survivors
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons (often within the immediate family) that is illegal or socially taboo. The type of sexual activity and the natu...
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Okay this might be long....
I was raped by my brother when I was 6 he was 12. it happends for than once I don't remember the details i've lost alot of my memory from the past 3 years. He raped me once I know FOR SURE. and molsted me a dozen time. I never told anyone untill a few years ago I was around 14 or 15. We all (my family) acted like nothing happend. Iw as up all night crying and went to school the next day... but I did ask to go home and of course i called my mom and she picked me up and she told me her and my brother got into some petty fight and I was somehow brought into it. Then my mom said "she wouldn't hate you if u didn't moleste her" later that day there was a carnivale in town I went with some friends I bought a FAKE gun when u pull the trigger it shocks you and when i got home since everyone was acting normal i went into his room cause his friends were over (his friends are my friends too cause i don't get out much) and i tried to get one of them to pull the trigger and he was pushing me to get out then i ran to the other end of the room and started yellikng at him and threw the gun and broke it into millions of pieaces then he told them all to get out of his room while he talked to me. He said he was sorry he regrets it every day he didn't know what he was doing cause he was going threw puberty and doesn't have a father figure. blah blah blah. He let me beat him up ALITTLE bit cause i started tearing his shirt... again we went back to as if nothing happend. untill last year i told my therapist about it and MONTHS after i told her she decides to report it. This sent me into a major depression. suicide. state and didn't recover till i got a new therpiast 6 months later. the police came. took me and him to the police station asked us questions and I just wanted to get out of that situation so all i said is that he molested me and that i didn't remember anymore. She directly asked me if "you and your brother have sex?" that pissed me the fuck off so i was just quiet for the rest of the dday. They told us we couldn't be together in the same house alone anymore and thats it.... Thats all... I was scared. I didn't want anhthing to happend but I DO want him to suffer for what he has done to me on SEVERAL occasions. My family doesn't care when the police came my mom was defening my brother!. I don't even know if they know he raped me. I think they just know about the molestion. I don't even know if they know how many times. The other day I was watching something about sex, sex slaves, rape, ect, with my mom and sister. and I was gonna use the tv as an excuse to see how much they knew. so I was asking how much time rapest get in jail ect. and i said "larry(my brother) is pretty lucky considering he should be in jail right now" first thing that happend is that my sister shook her head and left and went home.... I started crying immediatly. Then my mom asked what was wrong. ect. and I said that they don't care blahblah blah. she said "its not that we don't care. I know what he did was wrong." ect ect ect ect. then I just ran to my room and never came out... I have no one I DON'T EVEN HAVE FRIENDS!!! all my friends are HIS friends they were HIS friends FIRST they are his friends not mine so I canm't go to them and tell them that their friend, my brother is a rapist.... what do i do. I'm dying. please help. Posted on 11/03/09, 05:11 am |
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Hi Candice,
I sorry you've had to go through all of this abuse in your young life. No one should ever have to go through what you have, and your mother and sister are extremely insensitive to not understand and respect your feelings. Your major depression is understandable, since that often results from incest and other childhood sexual abuse. It is also quite common for survivors to isolate and have very few, if any, friends. You are suffering from a condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.). Anytime an individual suffers some type of trauma, P.T.S.D. will be the result. Many other conditions, including addictions and personality disorders can result from P.T.S.D. You indicated that you are now in counseling, so that angle is covered. I'm going to suggest that you get hold of a book titled "Courage to Heal", by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. This book was written specifically for female survivors of sexual abuse, and it address the unique issues you ladies face. You might be able to find a copy of the book in your local library, or you can order it directly from AMAZON.COM. As I remember, the book costs around $27.00. The other thing I like for you to do is contact two groups that work with survivors of incest. These are both Twelve Step support groups (kind of like Alcoholics Anonymous). They have hundreds, if not thousands of meetings every week all across the U.S. and Canada. The first group is called Survivors of Incest Anonymous (S.I.A.). You can check out their website if you'd like (www.siawso.org/). If you do this, you might want to check their "Where and When" listings. This is a catalogue of all of their meetings, indexed by state for your convenience. You might want to see if there are any meetings close to your home or school that you could attend on a regular (weekly) basis. If not, check out their telephone meetings and online groups. Something there may work for you. The other group I'd like you to check out is called Incest Survivors Anonymous (I.S.A.). Despite the similar names, these are two totally different groups. I.S.A. also has a website (www.lafn.org/medical/isa/home.html), but you will need to call them or E-mail them to find out about their groups/meetings. I congratulate you on having the courage to step forward and share some of your story with this group. By stepping forward, you've taken a major step towards empowering yourself and taking control of your life back from your perpetrator (your brother). That is TRULY a major step forward. That's about all I've got for you right now, so I'm going to go ahead and close. Please keep in touch with this group and let us know how you're doing. The journey you've started on (recovery) can sometimes seem long and painful. But I assure you, the end result (freedom and sanity) is well worth the effort. Best of luck to you, and take care. Maybe we'll have a chance to chat again somewhere down the road. 
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I am very sorry this happen to you. It seems like your family is trying to over look things. are you going to a regular group with other people. try that.
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Candice, My heart goes out to you. You are going through so much. I wish I could just wrap you up in a great big hug.
Just my two cents worth with no offense intended, but as a female incest servivor who was around in the 80's and young at the time when the book came out I would not recommend The Courage to Heal. I'm sure the authors had good intentions but they had no credentials of any kind unless you count one of them being an incest survivor. Neither of them has any training in psychology or science. My therapist at the time read it and advised me not to read it. She felt some of the methods might be more damaging than helpful. I read the book later in life and I agree with her. To each his own, but I would recommend you google it and read about it and ask your own therapist before delving in. One other word of caution. Sometimes the 12 step programs can be very triggering for beginners. They include men and women of all ages and experiences. We're all different but I needed a strictly female listener to begin with. Just want you to be aware there are men there too - as they have every right to be - in case you're not ready for that. You have all of us here at DS so please reach out when you need to talk or ask questions or vent. We're here when you need to talk. As a teenaged survivor I found it helped me a bit to get involved in some school activities to make some new friends. I joined the theatre group where I learned how to do stage makeup. I was way too shy for cheerleading or anything like that, but I had a lot of fun in the theatre group and made some good friends. It's good to distract yourself when you can from all the chaotic thoughts in your mind. Do you play and sports or have any hobbies? Not to pretend nothing happened, but to give yourself a break from thinking about it sometimes. ((Hugs)) Sandy
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I don't wanna go to a twelve step program. I have alot of homework i'm 3 years behind in school and i'm doing adult ed and I can't miss an assighment. and I have another things concering my regular depression and and sleeping habits and anxiety.... but I so have a pschologist that I like very much. Hes very understanding of everything.
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