What is Impotence Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardl...
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I'm new to this group. My husband and I have been married only a little over 4 yrs. We dated 5 yrs before we married because, well, we just both wanted to be sure it was 'right' and for it to work this time around. I am 52, he is 62.
My husband is one of the most wonderful men I have ever met. He's thoughtful and considerate, and funny, and intellegent. He's great with the grandkids, and he helps around the house all the time, fixes dinner, does the shopping, bakes bread, etc. He's always helping family members when something needs fixing--and he can fix anything. Cars, plumbing, appliances, electrical, computers, you-name-it. We used to enjoy a wonderful sex life and enjoyed having relations once or twice a week. I used to feel beautiful and sexy and get a kick out of being "checked out," etc. I miss that, but what I really miss even more is cuddling and passionate kisses and feeling like I'm desirable to someone. We tried some of the pills when we first got married and the viagra worked but he ended up having a severe sensitivity reaction with flushing and dizziness and nausea. The doctor said never take it again. Cialis didn't work. He has hypertension and high cholesterol but is otherwise very healthy. He thought that if he lost weight and got in shape that would help. He just finished building our house last winter and he was in excellent shape, but he never even tried to have sex. We had a lot of stress going on then and I just didn't push the point. I didn't want him to feel pressured. We haven't had sex of any kind in 2 years. I tried and tried to get him to go back to the doctor or at least see a urologist but he wouldn't do it. It felt like he didn't care enough about our relationship to even try do do anything about it. When I try to explain how it makes me feel rejected and ugly, he doesn't understand. He thinks that's just my problem and all in my head. I have to work to control my own desires all the time because I don't want to pressure him. He doesn't understand why I feel it's been a problem for our relationship when we get along fine in other areas. I finally told him I was just about at the breaking point over this and that it could end up ruining our marriage. He finally did talk to a doctor a few weeks ago and got some new meds to try. It's been 2 weeks and 1 of those weeks was our vacation when we were supposedly relaxing and enjoying ourselves. When we got home, I mentioned we should try to schedule a date-night and plan on trying the new meds and make it special and he agreed. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. I've just let myself go because it seems like it just doesn't matter anymore. I've gained about 40 lbs in the last few years and I was already way overweight. I was really trying to work on it with excercise and Weight Watchers for a while. I got so discouraged with being rejected in the bedroom, that I just quit trying. If I lost weight and was in top shape and danced around in a G string and tassels I don't think it would make any difference. He says he's still interested in an intimate relationship but he seems to have no sexual desire for me at all. When I think about all of this, I just want to sit down and cry. I really love this man, but this is ripping me apart. Posted on 10/24/09, 04:10 am |
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Kathy,
About most of my weight was because I felt I must be disgusting to my husband. Mentally I was trapped in keeping the weight on. It was not about me. It was a low testosterone. Doctors don't even know how to test for it properly. Do you know what his numbers are? We had many doctor not wanting to treat him and said he was not low when he was. It takes all desire away. It is not you and your right nothing you can do can change it. Low testosterone will effect his health in so many ways and shorten his life if not treated. I posted some links here somewhere. We will talk. Carol 
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It is hard to know what is going on exactly with your husband, but I can tell you from experience that ED is a very humiliating thing for a man. Especially a masculine fellow who has a high sex drive. You want to perform, but can't, even with one of the drugs. My wife took it personally also, but it was never the lack of interest. It was always the inability to get and sustain a good erection due to prostate surgery and other factors. The drugs used to work fairly well for me, but no more, so my urologist prescribed a vacuum pump (ErecAid). This is a mechanical solution and takes some getting used to, but it does make a very usable, "fat" erection and my wife was happy with the result. If your husband is motivated enough to continue your sex life, he might want to try it. Good luck.
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