Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group

I am 28 and my husband is 30.It has been over 3 months and no sex.I feel your pain.It is not in my nature to cheat either.I have tried to be patient.It is a matter of deciding if you want to stay married and be sexless or leave and have sex.

Speaking as a male who cannot give my wife an orgasm any more, I think you need to speak to a counselor, and try to have your husband join you. My wife is refusing to see a counselor with me, and it is killing our marriage. The fact is, once you go outside your marriage, the chances are that it will not recover.

Oh I'm so sorry. You left out an option. Talk to your h about your feelings, both of you. Take them to the doctor and have their testisterone checked. ED is a common symptom of many issues including diabetes, heart disease, artherosclerosis, etc. There is NO excuse for cheating! My h cheated on me 10 month ago and I see it and feel it everyday. I have post traumatic stress syndrome from it. Having your world shattered so carelessly by the one person in the world you thought you could completely trust is traumatic. It has left me a ghost of my former self I am slowly getting back. It is a greif and pain that live inside me everyday all day long. This is your choice. You have an affair in a moment of weakness and then, if your h doesn't leave you ( bc he WOULD find out) then you get to spend the next few years trying to rebuild the faith your spouse had in you. My h feels shame andvhortiblr guilt that now plagues him. It is NOT worth it. Visit the infidelity boards and read the heartbreak these men and women are dealing with, you will definitely stop dreamingabout it. It's much more of a nightmare.

Low testosterone causes severe apathy- this is why they don't care about their sex life. My h was like this. You need to just make an appointment and go with him and have him tested. Your marriage is your responsibility. And beleive me, I know what it is like to have no sex life. My h has been on testosterone for four months and we are screwing like teenagers again. All he has to do is rub some lotion on his shoulders every morning. That simple. Take control of your marriages!!!!!!!

I am in the same situation flladyblue. My husband had a stroke 5 years ago,but has been dealing with medical problems for a couple of years before that. I asked for several years for him to address this issue with the doctor and last week he finally did. I got my hopes up and was deeply disappointed when everything did not work out. He also has no desire what so ever, although will fake it for me. But really, I know he is not interested. He is a wonderful man, and we have been married for almost 20 years. There is a 20 year age difference between us, and am I, at age 42 supposed to become a sexless woman for the rest of my life? I am not ready to give up this part of my life. And.. unfortunately it is very in my nature to cheat, and I try hard everyday to not even let my mind go there. My husband and I have an open and honest relationship and can talk about anything. But this evening, I feel very very alone. If I bring this up now, i will just hurt his feelings. He thinks i'm upset because of something at work, and i will probably just let him think that for a while.

Heck, I couldn't stay in a marriage where the sex was really good so I'm not sure I should comment, but here goes. I would have to ask myself how deeply committed am I to continuing the marriage. How committed am I to wanting my LTR to be happy. Communication is essential. Personally, I see little reason to keep a sexless marriage alive unless we both agree that is what we want. If we discussed it first, and with a few ground rules, I would have no objection to her finding sex outside the marriage. I would hope she would do the same thing for me. If I did not want to be sexually active with her, unless I were really selfish, why would I object to her having others in her life? I do not hold monogamy to be sacred. There are already many 'open' relationships and marriages. Others have divorced over sexual wants and needs. There is nothing wrong with that either. There are also polyamorous relationships. Any thing can be a healthy relationship as long as everybody is in agreement, rules are set and followed. For those of us who are not married presently, these posting can be a reminder to discuss the possibility of one or the other not being able to be sexual, and what options we would want our loved one to have.

The one catch is, at least from my experience, what happens if the one who goes outside the marriage to have sex, and falls in love with the newer sexual partner. That happens.

What do u mean by your H went to the doctor but it didn't work out? Did he has his testosterone tested? There are so many options and cheating is not one of them! It's not as glamourous as u think. You would be breaking the heart and soul and spirit of your partners and it is not worth it! Pay a visit to the cheaters anonymous site on DS. They will all tell u the same. Get out or take co tell of your marriage and your H's health! Stand up to them for Gods sake and get answers. If he has no drive go see a hormone doctor (endocrinologist). I have felt the son of infidelity- the pain NEVER goes away. And his guilt and shame and self hatred never goes away. Do NOT even THINK about it. The more you allow yourself to think about it and rationalize it and allow it to be ok in your head, it will make you more vulnerable. I'm sorry- you will regret destroying you marriage and both your lives and the lives of any children you may have just for one good fuck. And BELEIVE me- I know what it is like to go without sex. Read some of my earlier posts. Just stop sensationalizing cheating like it's a real option for Gods sake! Take control of your lives and stand your moral ground!

Is intercourse the issue? Or can you live with orgasms and other closeness? I do think a partner should do their best to be happy with an orgasm in any form.

What about bringing in other men perhaps anonymously while he watches? I know it's risky from a disease standpoint and to the relationship possibly, but he might agree if the only other option is losing you altogether.

I do agree with SB that lying and cheating behind anyone's back is WRONG. Divorce him if he won't work with you.

The bottomline is try to imagine if the tables were turned, and you were the one with no interest. ;-)

best of luck

Crust writes " The one catch is, at least from my experience, what happens if the one who goes outside the marriage to have sex, and falls in love with the newer sexual partner. That happens. "


Or becomes obsessed with that type of lifestyle.. and the person (infatuation at best)

IMO and experience.. Swinging is heartache at your front door waiting.. it will destroy your diginity and your relationship/marriage will never be the same again.. Please think twice.. before you decide this option..
"Rules & Boundaries... are never kept... Lines are always crossed.. by the other people involved.. or you.. perhaps even unintentionally.. but Lines will be crossed.. and that puts your marriage on the line..

And please listen to what the others have written about cheating.. Its not fun.. and it will not fullfill you the way you might think.. No other person can replace the one you love..

But the main point is to avoid being tempted to "spare the person pain" because "what they don't know can't hurt them". It's better to be honest amd "cheat" with their permission.

I so feel for you. I feel lost in my relationship. I think about having an affair but i dont want to lose what i could have. I guess you have tried talking to him. I went to a cousellor and he recommended that when we went to bed we cuddle and feel each other that we could rekindle something. Didnt work he didnt want to. I think he feels inadequate whereas your partners is medical. So good luck .