Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group

If she won't go to see a therapist with you, then I would go by myself if I were you. You may gain some useful insight. It's worth a try.
Please keep us posted. We do care.

Mark

OK. Counseling. Where do I go to find a referral to a good counselor? Should I go to my surgeon and ask for a referral?

I do thank all of you who have responded. Quite frankly, I have felt sort of isolated, and without this board to let things out, I would have imploded with emotion. My wife and I have been together so long, all of her friends are my friends, and I have felt hesitant about talking to any of them.

Although, today I broke down and spoke to a mutual friend. She knew my wife was having issues, but did not know the full extent. She told me that the last time they had girls' night at the doughnut shop, my wife said I was a wonderful husband and father, but stubbornly insisted that there was only one way for her to have an orgasm. I really needed to hear that first part. As for the second part, my friend said that she told my wife that she was being stupid. I needed to hear that too.

I hope you can get your wife to go to counseling with you. Just be careful talking to mutual friends too much. When you are in a vulnerable situation it is easy to blur the lines that should not be crossed. Of course I hope this does not offend you, as I do not know you, this is just how infidelity starts alot of the time. My H had an emotional affair. Just friendly advice. But as far as I can see you are doing all you can. (((HUGS)))

SleepingBeauty, your advice is well-taken. Rest assured that I would never even consider infidelity with this friend.

If you dont mind me asking- what is the cause of the ED? I know you had surgery and cancer- but what exactly is causing the ED? Many doctors dont give a shit about ED and just want to write the easy viagra prescription, but there is usually an underlying cause that could be treated.

Now that my H is on testosterone he doesnt have as bad of a time with the ED- he is just not as erect as before. But I have found that if he gets up on his knees while I orally stimulate him, the blood flows down much easier I guess- b/c he becomes rock hard- harder than I remember from before the ED! Have you tried a c*ckring? (sorry i dont know a nicer name for it lol) Because our problem tends to be more logevity- he can get hard but it doesnt last, but if you can use one of those it holds the blood in. They come in just plain clear. Its not like some crazy machine or anything lol- so maybe it wouldn't scare off your wife.

Now I will say that I understand her resentment after no orgasm. For instance: My H built me up all day while we were at work- for a major sex session when I got home the other day. We had great sex but he finished RIGHT BEFORE I WAS GOING TO. Then he smiled and laid down and went to sleep. I was all worked up and VERY frustrated. ALL he had to do was use his finger, mouth, or one of the many toys we have to help me finish, but it seems he would rather not face the issue and pretend I came. After years of this we were stuck in a cycle of resentment. It wouldnt matter to me HOW i got there. If I finish before him I dont hop off and say thanks and go to sleep. No... I will blow him for hours if I have to to please him. I just want the same in return.

And going back to your original post, I would def make sure she knows that outside relationships are not acceptable by you. You dont want to open that door in any way b/c it will drive the wedge further between you. Hope this helps at all.

Im sorry I just re-read the thread and I already asked you that. Well now Ive gotta come up with something different- lol. Have you tried the ones that have a tiny buzzer on them. They stimulate the clitoris during sex and also give you pleasure. You arent even 40. Do not let her give up on your sex life.

Sleeping B, If the H falls asleep again as soon as he has reached his Big O, maybe you should grab one of those toys and "help" yourself to a good time. Hear me out... The sound of a buzzing toy and my wife enjoying herself wakes me up everytime. I find it to be a Fantastic turn-on. Problem is, there is no external sign "sticking out" to show my excitement on me. If you know what I mean. I can't speak for any other guys, but you might have some fun finding out if your H is similiarly effected. Nothing to lose, right?

Mark

We have lived together for 5 years now, and I have finished myself off many times. It makes him feel more ashamed and make me feel pathetic and angry- I deserve for him to care about my orgasm like I care about his. I became very good at orgasming fast. Its not about the orgasm itsself- its about the fact that he should care enough to want to please me, as I do him. He is getting better- the other night was not the norm anymore. Most of the time i will keep kissing him and try and get him interested- maybe even moving his hand down my body- but he just rolls back over when that happens usually.

Dont get me wrong- I thank you for your advice! I just wish it worked. But I dont want to sound negative- I have had some of the best sex of my life in the past few months.

SleepingB, Have you tried playfully saying "Boy,,, WE ain't done yet!!! LOL

Mark

In answer to your question, SleepingBeauty, the cancer was rectal. Most likely the surgery damaged the nerve. In fact, the tumor had grown a tail and wrapped itself around my urethra, which required a urologist to come in on an emergency basis while I was still under.

The suggestions are all great. The problem is that I can't talk her into any more sex toys. I love her dearly, but she has stubbornly concluded that there is only one way for her to come. Plus, recognizing that I'm just a man, I am afraid that I'll just pick out the wrong thing on my own.

I tried something a little different last night. I told her all I wanted to do was concentrate on her, and gave her oral sex without me taking the pill, without me using the pump. She enjoyed it, but didn't have an orgasm. Then today, when the topic of sex came up, she glared at me, and asked if I wanted to continue having sex with her when it only made her angry.

I made an appointment for myself to see a counselor this week. But I really don't know how to get past this wall of stubbornness.