Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group

I am 37. I had cancer. As a result of the surgery, I have ED. The pills work, but I do not get the same erections I used to get before the surgery.

My wife, who is 35, does not get the same satisfaction she got before my surgery. There was a time when she avoided sex. We have come to an agreement where we make love twice a week on specific nights. But, I know that at times she is just going through the motions because she loves me and wants me to be happy.

For years before the surgery, I had sexual fantasies of watching her with another man. I shared them with her, and sometimes we would make love talking about my fantasies. But, we never acted on them. After I got home from the surgery, I told her that I may never get my full ability back, and that I wouldn't mind if she sought physical satisfaction with another, as long as I knew about it.

Although we make love regularly, she is still frustrated. It has come to a point where she cannot sleep. She runs to wear herself down running to get herself tired enough to sleep.

She also has a crush on someone. No big deal. We have both had crushes in the past, and we've always been open in sharing them with each other.

Sometimes, during lovemaking, we would fantasize about her and this other man having sex. I have to admit, it gets me excited.

She recently expressed how strong her desire to have sex with this man is. Knowing my situation, and that I cannot give her the full physical satisfaction she needs, I told her I would be OK with it, as long as it was just sex. We openly fantasized about it, and had an incredible (on my end) lovemaking session.

But, after that session, I have begun to feel guilty and insecure. My biggest fear is losing her emotionally. I thought I could handle a purely physical relationship on her part, but I wonder if I am kidding myself.
Posted on 01/23/09, 09:01 am