Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group

I know what you mean. You have every right to be jealous. I hope one day a miracle happens for you and your husband.

I think that I may understand what you are saying. Sex is a bonding tool. I'm finally making some progress after my prostate surgery a year and a half ago. Thanks to hard work, meds, and trimix, I have had the chance to achieve the "impossible" one time.

Here's the odd part. I'm ready to have sex...quality sex, now...any time. But as with your situation, mental health/emotional issues are the limiting factor. You see, I'm not the one who is limiting the sex or the attempts.

At least now I know that I am capable of providing a satisfying experience for my wife. That is, when her emotional separation allows this to happen.

I think that you realize that it's not your fault. I can finally say that to myself, too. It doesn't fix the situation. But now I don't beat up myself thinking that "no sex" is my fault.

The thing that so much seems to complicate ED is the attitude/emotional/mental health of our partners. In all kindness, you are showing signs of stress. Do you have a plan to care for yourself? I found one. It doesn't solve the emotional and physical loneliness. It does, however, allow me to identify the problem, and permit me to assign proper ownership to it. I hope that you can, too. Hugs.

I am new to this group and this is my very first comment to a post. I very closely relate to the feelings you express here! My husband has ED and I am pretty much jealous of everyone, because I assume that they all have real sex in their relationships. I'm even jealous of single people sometimes because they have a chance at meeting someone without ED and having a good sex life, whereas I am trapped in a relationship that is quite lacking in what should be one of the best things in life! Sometimes I tell myself that love is enough, but other times I wonder if I can ever be happy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here- I feel less alone in my jealousy now.

Just to add to my comment, I think that "trapped in a relationship" is not what I meant to say at all. I love my husband never want to leave him, but still feel trapped by the horrible condition that afflicts both of us.
Too bad it looks like there is no way to edit a comment once it is posted :)

I'm 66 years old and I'm impotent. I gradually lost my erection about ten years ago then I was able to get Viagra when it came out. Now that doesn't work and I'm thinking of getting the injections. I miss sex very much. We still play. I love to give head. I miss terribly not being able to put my penis in her vagina. It is the closest two people can be with part of your body in hers.She has always loved playing with my penis and still does but it's dead. No responce. I have to get the courage to approach my doctor, who is a female, and explain what I want. The older I get the more uncomfortable I am with exposing my member to others in the medical field. Especially women.

Watching TV last night, partner flicking through channels as men do, and landed on some programme about a group of young tarts and one older woman laughing and trying out different sex toys, hammocks, sex tables and stuff like that.

Partner left it on, thinking I was ok with it - I used to be, I stuck it for a few minutes, when they were about to start using vibrators on each other and the older woman said she thought it was time she left the room, I jumped up and said yes its time I left the room too!

I just couldn't bear it! As soon as I got up he changed the channel so he realised I was upset and I went upstairs for a few minutes.
I used to be ok with it but recently I can't bear to see people having what I can't have. There was a film called Swordfish on last week with just endless sex scenes and I shut my eyes and said I'm going to sleep, I can't watch all this sex! He turned it off thank goodness

This bloody awful problem is making me a different person
I cry every day. I thought this was going to be a great time of my life, children all left home, my own house and okay for money. I thought it would be my time now but I feel old, fat and ugly and unloveable

Tried twice to have sex this morning and he goes soft within a minute or so every time. I said if a surgeon could make a fanny feel like a fist he'd make a fortune! I get so angry that he can't stay hard and cum in me but he can when I masturbate him (he doesn't always stay very hard) but harder than for intercourse, and I get so angry that he does go soft in me then after a minute or so he rolls over onto his back like he assumes I'm automatically gonna play with him! So I won't, I now just roll round and cuddle him instead

I used to be a happy. bubbly person with lots of friends and a good life. I've been with him 3 years and hate myself now. Life stinks

@honey

If he can occasionally get hard from masturbation, I suggest eliminating that from the equation because masturbation decreases orgasm intensity and sex libido.

Just my opinion.... This is why I barely masturbate. I have a better sex life without it.

Have you talked about it?
I always saw sex as play. if he sees it as a chore then you have a problem.

Thanks guys
Sorry for the rant last night, am back home now and had a good nights sleep at home in my own bed so feel a bit more balanced (with my trusty vibrator to get rid of the frustration)

@peterpaul
With you all the way IF he was willing to think about this with me as a couple. He sees it as his problem and says it's worse for him. He has a high sex drive and as I only stay at weekends I've no way of knowing what he does when I'm not there

@oky
yes we do talk about it, but he's unmoveable in his view that he loves sex and misses intercourse that lasts longer, but that as long as we give each other pleasure in other ways it's just something that goes along with ageing (he's 65) - and he's got it stuck in his head that women love the cuddling, stroking and intimacy as much, if not more than real intercourse
Last time I tried to explain how I felt he got angry and asked why I always have to make an issue of it and spoil the day, and he shouted that it's worse for him than for me
I was crying and I said yeah, ok I get it, we deal with it on our own, I just thought it would be easier if we were in it together. He held my hand for a second then left the room. He made loads of effort the rest of the day to cheer me up
But don't know if sex is becoming a chore for him, as he doesn't put much physical effort in, but it's certainly starting to feel like hard work for me!
He's not a very playful guy sadly, very sensible and efficient. No passion

I don't know what you can do if he isn't a passionate person and doesn't see sex as play. My wife likes cuddling but she also wants plain old raw sex. What's wrong with a man whose wife is wanting sex and he isn't interested.