What is Impotence Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardl...
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Sexless Relationships
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I have been with my partner for 4 years we are both 45. I have always enjoyed a healthy sexual relationship with my ex's. (Husband and boyfriends)Since i have been in this relationship we have had sex roughly 20 times. Nothing for the last 12 months and 3 times in the year prior. He is unable to get any sort of erection be it in the morning or when he needs to urinate. He puts me down and says how could anyone want to have sex with someone like me. Then on the other hand he does things that let me know that he loves me. I tend to think that he is just saying these things as he feels inadequate. It has got to the stage that we have been sleeping in separate beds for the last 3 weeks, and we dont even miss each other. I just need to know if this is normal in relationships like mine and if there is anything else i can do to mend it. He has had all the tests and they can find nothing wrong. I feel so sad as we had so much.
Posted on 03/24/09, 10:03 am |
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That would not be a normal relationship for me and I am 25 years older than you two. The fact that he seems to have a need to 'put you down' may indicate that he feels guilty about his inability, as it is his fault.
Before you were living together, was the frequency different? In his previous relationships, was the frequency different? I don't know what you can do, more than you have done. Counseling with a pro might help him maybe. 
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This is not normal. He needs to go to a doctor. ED is the first symptom in many diseases like heart disease, diabetes (which my H has too), atherosclerosis, etc. And if he is putting you down b/c of his problem that is emotional abuse. What tests did he have. Look- Doctors dont know much about this- unfortunately. What kind of doc did you see? What was his testosterone level? Please go read some of the previous posts and replies- this is so common (doctors giving up instead of doing the work required to fix this). 45 years old is way too young. Go to www.menshormonalhealth.com and just check it out. Sorry you have to go through this too!
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He has had all the tests . Diabeties , prostrate, all the bood tests to determine if his levels were correct. These were ordered by a doctor who specialises in ED and mens sexual problems. Nothing showed up. He does have a bad back which could be pinching on a nerve maybe for his condition he has to have a operation but wont. But this shouldnt stop him from wanting to kiss me or touch. I went to sleep in his room last night and he turned the telly on rolled on his side and started watching it. After 15 mins i said i would go to my bed so he could watch tv, he packed a sad turned tv off and said go if you want. He didnt even say goodnight so i lay there till he went to sleep and came back to my own bed. Thought long and hard last night all i can really do is just accept the situation. When the time is right move on. All my kids are grown up so have not ties.
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Do yourself a favor and call the doctor and ask for his test results IN WRITING. They should have tested FREE testosterone AND TOTAL testosterone. Beleive me- docs dont know everything. My H was at the lowest end of "normal", but the range is SOOO big that if he is in the lower third of normal AND having symptoms, he needs to be on testosterone replacement therapy.
Have you tried any viagra, levitra, or cialis? If he isnt willing to try, go to a psychologist or try another doctor, then I would leave, especially if he says it is your fault- that is abuse. What did the doctor say was the next course of action for him? Is he on ANY medication? Many medications for depression or blood pressure and other things can hurt sex drive and functionality. There is an answer, but you have to be persistent to find it. I wish you luck!
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