What is Impotence Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardl...
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My husband has had problems occaisionally in the past ten years, he tried three of the meds...they worked sometimes but he had terrible reactions to them. He stopped taking some meds for anxiety, and things seemed to improve. He does have low testosterone and is getting shots.
Before he had his frist shot however, things changed. He was only off of the Xanax and Lexapro for two days, when... He was wanting to have sex almost everyday for six weeks. He had NO problems, even twice in a day some days. Even if he had three glasses of wine, he could still perform with no problem, and no pills! Then just as quickly as it all started it stopped. He began having problems again. We may make love once a week, but only if it is HIS idea. If I seek him out, he cannot perform. If he is the one doing all of the "work" he can maintain his erection and climax. He does not get the least bit excited if I try to stimulate him, with oral sex even. I told him I would like to be more a part of the love making than just lying there "receiving", but he says I do all I need to do by letting him do it all. I am having a terrible time with this all happening again. It makes me feel as if I am not really a part of our sex life, which is little enough as it is....I am tired of hearing "It is not your fault" when he can't get excited. I am tired of him saying "I'm sorry, it's not you" "I just don't want to have sex that often" I want to feel desired, I want to be able to give tenderness and be seductive and have someone respond TO me and what I am doing. It makes me feel sad and desparate to have to beg for sex when I want it and then to have it be a totally UNSUCCESSFUL event....and hear the same excuses...about how it is not MY fault...it has nothing to do with ME....well it DOES have something to do with me...and if not..then what in the Hell is happening when NOTHING is happening? How can he go for six weeks always turned on and then all of a sudden we are back to the Ed and all of the excuses, and lack of interest... I feel like there is much more going on here than I know about....maybe someone else is taking care of his needs and he doesn't need me in that way anymore...I used to blame the wine, and the antidepressants, but like I said, after six weeks of NOTHING but sex, sex, and more sex...how can I beleive it is anything, but him NOT WANTING ME? I am going crazy worrying about this...I can't sleep...and I can't stop thinking about it and wondering what is going on. When we talk about it all I get is "I don't know why I wanted it for six weeks and I don't now...I don't know what happened." Well, I think that is BS and I want a better answer! HELP!!! Anyone with suggestions or advice? Posted on 02/02/09, 12:02 pm |
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Can't anyone help? I really need someone else to comment and help me sort through this...anyone??? 
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I'll comment, but I don't know how helpful it will be. At least you won't feel ignored.
I'm as confused by your husbands behavior as you seem to be. There has to be something else going on with him. That's all that makes sense to me. Mark
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Thanks for replying Mark. I am just at my wits end, and of course my mind comes up with all kinds of reasons, none of which I like thinking about....not being a man, I have no idea if any of it makes sense, from a male point of view. It is so hard to function each day wondering what is going on.
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First of all no matter how suspicious it sounds it could be possible. You should give him the benefit of the doubt till you have proof. Does he spend a lot of time on the PC or phone? Does he do things outside of work?
There are many ways to spy on people nowadays and you have to make your own decision about whether you would risk the break in trust by doing so. There are many websites or other techies around that can help you. There is even an adultery group on this website. You can plant hidden cams inside and outside your house. Tap the phones(illegal) and see everything he sees on the PC. You can read text messages out of his cellphone card. You can plant small digital audio recorders in rooms. No limit really.
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How long has he been on the testosterone shot? Going off the lexapro and xanax could have given him a false boost of brain chemicals that made it easier for him to be aroused, only to die off later. Now saying that- I will say: my H had low testosterone and had an affair before we found out. So def take care of yourself and do a little investigating.
But the testosterone took about 2 months to really kick in for my H. SO give it time. Also make sure the docs are checking his levels and adjusting the dose if his symptoms do not go away after a few months. Ask them to test his estrogen level as well. When you present external testosterone some of it is turned into estrogen and there are meds he can take that reverse this affect and allow his body to use the testosterone instead of turning it into estrogen. Was there ANYTHING ELSE different in your life or his during that 2 weeks?
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He has only had two shots, and when they tested him after each one, his levels were still low. I is due to go back on the 13th to be checked. The shot did not seem to make much difference one way or the other. Like I said, six weeks of sex almost everyday, some times twice in one day. The wine nor anyting else seemed to inhibit him during those six weeks. Then it just stopped....we are back to having ED problems.
He has a lot of stress at work that he puts on himself. But that was also true during those six weeks. There is no way for me to know what is going on when he is at work...he has a job that gives him a lot of freedom during the day. I cannot tell from looking at his phone bill if he is calling anyone "special". There are lots of calls to a number that is a woman but they are not for long periods of time...however, they were very frequent before the "six weeks" and not during the six weeks, and they started up again when "lost interest" in me. Like I said, they are not LONG phone calls, but she works in the same complex as he does, not with him, but very available. I think my biggest problem is that I feel bad about thinking he is having an affair, yet I don't want to ignore signs, and be a fool either....I feel caught between a rock and a hard place!
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