What is Impotence Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardl...
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How do I get him to see a doctor???
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I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We share a home and have a great relationship. He is 38, and I am 33. We have been struggling with ED since the beginning of our relationship. Because he is so amazing in so many ways, and because the sex, when we are able to truly have it (I realize that intercourse isn't the only way to go, but he sometimes gets morose when he loses an erection, and we just cease all activity), is great, I've decided to build a home and life with him.
We still have this problem though, and he refuses to see a doctor. I have tried to come at this from many different angles, but mainly, I try to explain that this could be a sign that there's something going on physically, something we can prevent or cure or at least understand. He says he's embarrassed to talk to a doctor - no matter what doctor - he could be an old urologist who's seen it all with an all-male staff, and he would be embarrassed. I've mentioned that I could go with him and support him in any capacity he wishes - including just waiting in the car. Nothing. Occasionally, he will take herbal supplements (horny goat weed - sounds funny, but it's great), and they work, but he refuses to take them on a consistent basis. He has never complained of side effects, so I think it might be a matter of admitting that he's "less of a man" or something. He's active and healthy outwardly, but his father, also in shape, had a massive heart attack while very young (in his forties). His mother had her thyroid removed many years ago. Anything could be wrong! He drinks and smokes - things he is unwilling to give up right now. He has a very stressful job. And he's been exposed to extremely loud noise for a prolonged period of time (I read that that could have an effect). I just don't know what to do. I KNOW that he needs to see a doctor. He says it isn't me ad that he's had this problem for a few years before he met me, but it's sometimes extremely hard on my self-esteem. I am attractive, and I've always done my best to inject variety into our sex life, but when he can't sustain an erection, it's heartbreaking. What can I do to get him to see a doctor? Somebody, please...I'm worried about this man. I'm worried about our relationship. I need help. Posted on 12/16/08, 09:12 am |
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Well you may just have to use scare tactics. Ed is an early indicator for tons of diseases like diabetes, heart disease, atherosclerosis, etc. It is how I found out my 27yr old H is diabetic AND has Low Testosterone. The low testosterone is an easy fix with replacement therapy and can relieve the horrible symptoms that come along with it: fatigue, depression, ed, loss of sexual desire, loss of desire for anything in life, apathy, loss of memory, lack of concentration, etc. How silly to suffer with these debilitating symptoms, when a lotion every morning would keep you feeling like a million bucks. Low T for long periods of time can lead to organ failure in men- they MUST HAVE TESTOSTERONE TO FUNCTION.
Call his doctor yourself and talk to him about what is going on. Dont let him just give you viagra without finding out the reason for his impotence. They need to test his total AND free testosterone levels and see if they are normal for HIS age. The "normal" bracket they use is for men ages 20-100! You cant tell me a 20 yr old man and a 100 yr old man should have the same level! And if he is in the lower- third of the normal range and still has symptoms many docs say he should be on replacement therapy b/c everybody is different. I have dealt with this for a while if you have any questions just shoot me a message. I know how you feel- dont let him give up on himself- push him to go to the doc. 
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Why is he so embarassed about talking to a doctor? It's not like they would know him personally and they aren't allowed to share his medical information with others. Plus a urologist sees ED patients EVERY day. It's like the common cold to them. He really has nothing to fear. I have probably seen 5 different urologists. And none of them made fun of me or were mean. They were all trying to help. Like SleepingB said. There area a lot of things the doctor can check for. Your BF needs a check up anyway. Seriously.
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I know that only maybe one-half of men with Low T have symptoms, but he really seems like he's okay in that department - he's not an aggressive guy, but he plays extreme sports, and hasn't broken a bone in years (and Lord knows, he falls enough). And he's covered in hair (but the hair on his head is thinning - an indicator of high testosterone).
I think it's his heart. We don't have this problem all the time, but it's definitely enough to cause problems in the relationship and make me think that he's in need of medical attention. Will a physical - without mention of ED - find the cause, or does he have to go to a Urologist first and just tell him what's going on? I don't understand the embarrassment either, especially as a woman who goes to the Gynecologist regularly (not fun, guys!). Threatening to leave is the very last thing I want to do, and I would never actually consider doing so (threatening, not leaving) if he wasn't so stubborn. That may be my only hope, but it might make things worse. Um...netservice...any thoughts on this?
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mine will go to the doctors and then not do what they say. Wish I could help!
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My H has thinning hair. Not alot but its not as thick as it was. When testosterone is converted into DHT- its the dht that kills the follicle. It could be that too much of his T is being converted to DHT instead of usable FREE testosterone (this is what they should test). Just a thought- we have been through the ringer with this. I would get it tested anyway- b/c its a much easier fix than anything else.
A normal physical with no mention of ED will turn up NOTHING. If he wont let you go with him, and he wont mention it, then call his doc and tell him what is going on before your he goes. Seriously- if he is 38- get him to go to a doctor.
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hi. unfortunately i cannot give advice, but i can offer support by letting you know that you are right to be concerned and you are justified in wanting to tell him that you care about him and the health of your relationship. if he cares too, then perhas he will have to swallow his pride, step up to the plate, and do what he needs to do to ensure that he can build on this relatioship with you, the woman he loves.
good luck!
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I agree that your boyfriend should see a doctor, maybe you could schedule the appointment for him and then go with him. I do think that ED could be a sign of other issues, but also worrying about it can be very stressful and may be adding to his problem. He might need an ED medication, I take Cialis and it has helped me and my wife have a much better sex life and relationship. I hope this helps. MC
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