What is Hysterectomy
A hysterectomy is the surgical removal of the uterus, usually done by a gynecologist. Hysterectomy may be total (removing the body and cervix of the uterus) or partial (also called...
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My BIL and his girlfriend are pg and due next month. I recieved an invite to the babyshower and know that if I go I will be an emotional wreck the entire time (and probably for weeks after), yet if I don't go I will upset his family. My MIL has no idea what we are going through (she knows that I have had a TAH just does not comprehend why this is hard for us) and has made this pregnancy hell with the constant comments to me about not understanding why I am upset because we will adopt one day, and oh poor them they really can not afford this baby, I could go on and on with the comments that have been made, but anyway....
I really don't want to go, but at the same time I almost think the comments and looks that I will get will be worse... How do I handle this? Oh and the girlfriend is no better, since she has complained to me the entire time about not being able to drink, being uncomfortable etc... I have had to walk away more times than I can count in the last 7 months!!! Sorry for the rambling!!! Posted on 01/02/09, 04:01 pm |
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Don't apologize. You're in a difficult position, and there's no right or wrong decision. You need to do what you feel is best for you. If you don't think you can handle the shower, maybe put it in terms of the gf's happiness: "I just know I'd be crying the whole time, and I don't want to ruin your party because it's YOUR day. Please know that I wish you all the best, so it's best for me to stay home that day." I wish there were a magic potion that could let others understand exactly what you were feeling. 
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I am having such a hard time with this. In the past I have just told people that I can not go to other showers, but with this I know the whole family will have such lovely things to say about the fact that I am not there. Normally I could care less what people think about me but for some reason this is really bothering me. I guess part of it is my fault because I have never let them see me upset about having the TAH or upset during the past 7 months even though there have been many times I have left there crying (as soon as I got to the car) Last year there was a shower for dh cousin and his mom tried to guilt me into going for a month so I can only imagine what it will be like for his brothers gf. I know that 3 years ago I would not have understood, but I don't feel like they even try. . .
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I am so sorry for your pain! ((hugs))
Just send a gift and don't go. I wouldn't if I was in that situation. Let them be mad. Ask yourself this, Do they care you are in pain? Then why should you care that they get mad you don't come? I would send a gift, that's sounds like that's all they probably want anyways..... As for your MIL, if she doesn't understand, she probably never will. People like that who dismiss your feelings, won't ever sit down to listen. I would just ignore her the best you can. I'm sorry she's not better at listening and being compassionate.
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I once heard a terrific line that has been helpful countless times in my life:
"I am not able to attend." If you say I can't you can be challenged with "why can't you?' Try it! :) It really makes it hard for people to keep pushing once you say this. And you really don't owe anyone an explanation. I am sorry you are having to deal with this insensitivity-you don't deserve it.
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