Huntington's Disease Support Group

My BF and I have been together for 12 years. I found out about 8 years ago that he might have HD, but he vehemently stated that he did not want to get tested. He claimed that if he knew he had it, he might not be able to get health insurance or life insurance. After dealing with my anger for being kept in the dark, and learning a "fair" amount about HD and what to expect if he has it, I decided that I could handle it. He was such a wonderful man that I was willing to risk that unknown future for the now.

Lately, however, I'm not feeling so strong.

I've recently reconnected with a lot of my friends from high school, both female and male friends. One particular male friend is going through a lot of stuff, including a bad break-up and trying to get over a drug addiction. It feels good to be able to be there for him (as a friend), but my BF is suddenly accusing me of having an affair with this man. He lives over 2000 miles away from us, and the crap hit the fan when he called me at about 10pm one night. In the course of "disagreement" that ensued, not only did I get subtly accused of having an affair, he made disparaging remarks about every single hobby I have (and love), and he put forth his feelings about me not being a good parent. Basically, he ripped apart everything he could about me. And it's been downhill from there.

He has always had a problem remembering things, a sign of HD that I originally attributed to stress (before I knew about the possibility of HD). Lately, that seems to be getting worse.

Additionally, he seems to have something negative to say about me or something I do almost every day. He seems to be angry most of the time. Last week, he got mad because one (female) friend's father died and I wanted to go to the funeral. I had to practically fight to be able to go to that, and in the course of THAT discussion, he stated that he would never leave me (he almost walked out on me about a month ago), but that I might "kick him to the curb."

I want him to get tested. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'm just hanging on to something I should let go of. But I feel that if he has HD, I can let go of the insulting behavior and continue being with him. If it's not HD, then he really DOESN'T like me and we both need to move on.

But how do I weigh my need to know with his need to remain ignorant? Logically, I know it's not fair for me to ask him to give up his ignorance, but I'm having a hard time living in the logic.
Posted on 09/30/09, 08:09 am