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I feel like such a failure....
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I can even think straight enough to compose my thoughts right now.
My oldest daughter will be turning 7 this October. She started kindergarten at a wonderful Christian school in my area, but due to a major issue that effected many aspects of our lives we could no longer send her there. At the same time we decided to take her out of that school we were also moving and I decided to make the transition easier to homeschool her. We finished up kindergarten with the books that she started kindergarten with. The school was very gracious and helpful through that time and helped me out in many ways. I decided due to being in a city school district that was not very well rated when 1st grade started that I would continue to homeschool her. She did a great job, and was very receptive however she did not grasp onto reading very well. At this time I could not afford a tutor and was just hoping that trying different avenues to teach her to read would help. It didn't. She is a very bright girl, but she is also someone who thinks in black and white. She is under the impression that she will be able to wake up one day and just be able to read, not that it is a gradual process. So she shoots herself down even before trying. Other than reading she was doing a great job with her other subjects. Now we have, for the most part, overcome the issue that threw our lives into a whirlwind and have moved to a nicer area, bought a house that is specifically in close proximity to the Christian school we want to send her to....we just don't have the funds to send her there yet. With the reading issue we decided to send her to the public school, which is well rated (I am not happy about it...) so she can get the help she needs. They just called me today and they want to put her in 1st grade again. I am so devastated... I feel like such a failure to her. I feel as if my choice to keep her home has delayed her. She is now going to be a year behind in life. I can't even believe this. I know she can do the work of second grade - she did great at her 1st grade work. She just has the reading issue. I am so upset and can't stop crying. I don't know what to tell my husband and I know this will devastate her. Any tips, advice, words of wisdom would be helpful. Please keep all critical comments to yourself, I really can't take them at this point. Posted on 09/15/08, 02:09 pm |
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Good Morning!
Before I even begin I'm sending you a giant hug, take a deep breath and don't cry anymore. You can resolve this. :) Just to give you a little idea of where I am coming from... I am a homeschooler myself, a senior in highschool. I was homeschooled from pre-k through 5th grade. Then I went to a private school for middle school. And then homeschooled again for high school. My first question to you is have you ever thought about homeschooling permanetly? I know you mentioned you had a rough time of it between trying to accomplish school and moving, etc. but now that your family has settled some it might be a good time to start. The great thing about homeschooling is that you can move at your own pace. For instance you said your daughter was having trouble reading but was doing fine with everything else. If you homeschooled you can move her onto the other things she needs but take your time with her reading. There's a TON of different curriculums and books you can use, some more structured than others. There's millions of places you can go for advice and help too! If indeed you'd like to keep her in a parochial school I can't say I have any advice for you. Just keep your chin up can be prepared for a wild ride. Either way there's things you can do with her in between school. Try and find her a writing tablet. Or just some decorative line paper. (if you've already thought of any of this I apologize) But they help! Have her write out her alphabet and as she writes each letter have her say the sounds. Another fun thing we used to do was get alphabet soup and we would try and sound out the letters in the soup. My only other advice is read all you possibly can! Read to her. Have her try and read to you or your husband, grandma, friend, or anyone whose around. Even if she's having trouble let her try and sound out the words. Start slow and start little, it takes time! Try and keep her away from any distractions such as the tv, and computer. Take her to the library as much as possible. Try and get her interested in finding books that she might be interested in. Just do your best and keep trying. Don't give up! Homeschooled or not its still a parents responsibility to educate their children. I hope everything works out ok! I'll be praying for you! -Mary 
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This seems so devastating to you....I wonder why you are takign it so hard. honestly, it does not sound like such a bad thing. She is only 7 years old. Probably the same age as lots of 1st graders. She has a reading delay, or maybe even issues with reading - it is not a judgement of your ability or intentions in homeschooling her. Probably, she had a great time with you and treasures that time, and her self esteem is probably great. So what she reads a little later. Ten years form now, is it going to matter one bit?
Maria has great ideas - you can homeschool her on and on, and if you don't feel confident about the reading, get a tutor. But try to be a little more flexible with yourself!
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PS Look at how mature, caring, and articulate MariaMia is as a high school senior. Homeschoolers rock!
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I'm not a mother, but I know my mom suffers with a lot of guilt and heart break about my education, thinking that she failed me or went wrong somewhere. But from a child's point of view, you did absolutely nothing wrong, you didn't mess up at any point, and from what I read it seems like you're a very dedicated and responsible mother. You have not failed your daughter just because she is struggling. I was held back as well at a young age, and thought in the beginning it was scary and a little bit upsetting, but I started to really like school because I was understanding things so much better. The kids being that young never really brought it up to me that I was older than them. I know your worried about how your daughter will feel about herself, but the only thing you can do is be there to support her and listen to her and how she feels. As long as you give her your love and support through her ups and downs, you'll see her make a lot of progress. I'm confident that you can support your daughter and my heart goes out to you! I wish you the best, and I know your daughter will be okay.
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I don't have any advice about going back to first but I wanted to let you know about a free fun beginning reading site if you don't already know about starfall.com http://www.starfall.com/
hope you are feeling better now. Maybe they can give her a reading tutor, exttra help w/ pull-out for reading in the resource room or maybe summer school. If you end up deciding to keep her back, the good news is she will be one of the stronger kids academially in the class and that has advantages over being frustrated. Some kids just read a bit later and if they don't lose interest they will catch up, even surpass their classmates if they love reading. If they just aren't developmentally ready and are pressured, well it's just better if she loves books for life. Hope you're feling better. Sounds like many things are going well, moving to the neighborhhod you want and buying a home! Congrats & best wishes!
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I home schooled ,my own two children and am know home schooling my three grandchildren. Each one has a learning issues. My oldest has to work at her own pace, or the stress of a time schedule will over whelm her. My grandson, is very smart but he has ADHD, and can’t sit for more than a few minutes at a time. At yet, despite their problems they both learned their ABC’s by the time they were four years old. On the other hand, my youngest is 6 years old and has found it difficult to grasp her ABC’s , but with out knowing her ABCs it is impossible for her to learn to read.
For a while, we thought that her inability to learn these basic’s, was because her brother was being a bad influence on her because he can be a handful. Then we blamed the problem on her simply being lazy or rebellious . Then we began to notice that she was not like other children. She did not talk as clear as other children her age. So we had test ran to see if her hearing was effected, her hearing is great . Stumped , I began to do a little research on line and found out that that language part of a Childs matures at its own rate. Just like some children learn to walk sooner than some, while other learn later. With that understanding in I came to realize that I had placed my granddaughter in a box, that was labeled 1st grade because of her age. And the truth of the matter was, she was only at preschool level of development in her language abilities. Since I have allowed her to learn at her own pace, she has learned her ABC’s. You are not a failure, and you never will be as long as you love your daughter enough to be concerned with her well being. So , don’t be so hard on yourself because she does not learn as fast as some children. Just simple relax and allow her to learn at her own pace. Let her know that you love and accept her were she is in life and she will surprise you when one day soon she will read with out any problems.
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Check out what Wright's Law (special ed advocacy site) has to say about Retention, Delays and Social Promotion
http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/ret... I thought about your post when I saw this, they have valid points. You could print it to show the school as a support if you and your husband want to move her ahead with special ed services and supports. The school district may be stalling to save money. Doesn't mean she will alwayds need special ed, they will be pleased to "graduate" her out when she doesn't need reading help any longer.
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Hi, You sound like you are a very caring parent. Don't cry. Do research -- Did you check her eyes? My daughter had a problem with the development of her eye muscles and them working together. I found out when she was try to study with me for spelling tests. She had problems telling the difference between certain words. she couldn't hear the differnce either. I was told it was an eye ear problem. How is your daughter's writting??? They told me her spacial area for writting was on a pre-school/kindergarten level. She was 6 or 7 at the time i had her tested. She was also reversing letters. She was given therapy and reads and writes above grade . We went to OD MS-- He specialized in eye training. So i hope this helps. Schools aren't always correct they told me to let it ride and wait until she was in third grade. Get your footing and 1st decide do you want to homeschool or send her to public school. Then you can decide where to go from there. this is very scary thinking you may have done something wrong. You did everything you could. Think --- Would the school do anything diffrently???? Would she be ahead or behind in her other subjects???? Hugs and good wishes. z
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