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Discussion:
My daughter and I need some help
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My daughter has been a heroin addict for some time. She is 21 and still lives at home. Her boyfriend is an addict as well. He is using her for her money (she admitted this to me tonight). He has a good paying job but is in debt over his head. She also told me that she is afraid of losing him if she goes into treatment. He admits that he has a problem but is not willing to seek any kind of treatment. She's so confused and afraid. I don't know what to do for her.

My daughter has had her current job for a few months (after being unemployed for over a year) and is afraid that she will lose her job if she goes into an inpatient facility. She works at a fast food place and is afraid that they will fire her if she admits her addiction and/or if she requests a lengthy time off for inpatient treatment. This is the first job she has had that she really likes.

We are looking for an outpatient facility that can help but I can't find anybody that will take her insurance. Of the one or two that I did find there is a waiting list of a month or longer. She came to me for help about a week ago (finally) but we have been finding it almost impossible to find an outpatient facility that can treat her. The earliest appointment I could get was "sometime at the end of summer".

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Posted on 05/25/10, 02:46 am
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Reply #1 - 05/25/10  5:31am
" Hi Karma,

The fact that your daughter has actually come to you for help is brilliant as it shows that she trusts you enough to stick by her. One of the first steps in becoming clean are admitting to youself and someone close that you have a problem.

With the outpatiant facilities I can't help you very much there as I live on the Isle of Man. Anyone who has a drug problem here can go to the Drug and Alcohol Clinic and recieve free treatment. I will say though that if your daughter cannot get treatment right away, then you should make the appointment anyway and speak to her about cutting down on her heroin use. At least by the time she gets the appointment she will have reduced the amount of heroin she takes.

The boyfriend has got to go. In my experience you can't be with someone else that is using if you are clean. If he is using her, which it sounds like he is, then she seriously needs to think about making a break. It took me 4 and a half years for me to do it but it's usually the only way.

Is he older and been into drugs for longer than your daughter? Has he alienated her away from her friends? Does he always ask her to borrow money off people she knows and cares about? If yes then it sounds like 'lonely addict syndrome'. Being a heroin addict is the most lonely place in the world so to find someone else that uses is a bonus. I never really understood this concept until after I left my ex. I discovered that him getting me into drugs was because he didn't want to hide it from me anymore, so he could drag someone else down with him.

If you or your daughter would like to talk then please get in touch if it would help :) xx "
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Reply #2 - 05/25/10  10:01am
" Hi Butterfly,

Thank you for your kind words and support. I am going to make the appointment like you said and she already decided to cut back - but she's having mild withdraw symptoms but seems to be handling it ok for now.

The boyfriend is her main problem. Actually he's a year younger than her and she was always a very shy person as a child so she doesn't have friends other than those at work. This makes it even more difficult. He is her first serious boyfriend (they've been dating for 1 1/2 years). She never dated in high school and only dated a few times before meeting him. I think in the beginning he was only into drinking and pot but got hooked up with a friend around a year ago and starting using heroin.

Thank you again and I would love to keep in touch. You've been so helpful!

Take care,
Lisa :) "
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Reply #3 - 05/25/10  11:22am
" Sorry you have met the heroin monster Karma, it really is a living nightmare. I am glad your daughter is talking to you and wanting help, thats a great start! However, I have been dealing with this a long time and I can tell you a couple of things that you probably won't like to hear. first of all your daughter NEEDS impatient. Out patient is NOT going to work. I understand the job and all but the sad truth is, there is no such thing as an old heroin addict, she can always get another job, addiction is the first priority. If you speak to a drug specialist they will tell you that she needs a detox then follow with a long term program and sober home.
Then there is the boyfriend problem. It doesn't matter about money or about much else really, the only thing that matters is he is an addict too making this couple toxic to each other. If your daughter has a shot at getting clean, she needs to leave her boyfriend period.
I don't know how long you have been going through this, and I know its absolute hell most times. The best advice I can give you is, don't think to much on these small points, job, bf, what the addict wants. No addict wants to go into inpatient treatment. They NEED it. Even a detox then out patient will fail. Please read books, make an appointment with a drug specialist. Educate yourself on all parts of this addiction and go from there. I wish you a lot of luck and much support!! "
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Reply #4 - 05/25/10  12:02pm
" i wanted to clarify that out patient is a great treatment plan but only after the addict is clean. My husband is an IV drug user and the whole game plan changed when he started injecting it. He got methadone from a doctor and he just abused it badly. Then got into the Suboxone Clinic, and had more relief with that but still couldn't make it very long. I didn't want to sound against out patient treatments as they are great and they need them! "
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Reply #5 - 05/25/10  3:03pm
" I agree i think she should look into a inpatient deal with the withdraw and than the issues that caused the addiction We addicts are Masters at self medicating and trying to Heal all our issues with a shot of dope.

Tell her that even if she does not have that job when she comes out there will be OODLES more . just have her give 2 weeks notice and tell them it is a health issue period.
Than while she is in rehab she may decide she wants to do a class or something and follow a career path. There was a program for a while that helped addicts in recovery get into classes and when get jobs and Colleges offer programs they can live at home get grants and work through a program to have a few dollars coming in
please make Sure she stays on the pill or something so as not to get pregnant at this time she needs to work on HER.
as far as thew relationship
let her know she deserves a man that loves HER and himself even and he can not do either while addicted.
Let her know If in fact he really is serious about loving her he will hit a rehab and get his crap together.
Believe me I could share some stories that well I will keep praying she decides to Love her for now because until she does she can not love him and with Heroin you love and care about one person HEROIN.
keeping you in my prayers She is young and I applaud her for getting this urge Now before it is too late
I decided to wait and it took me till I was in my 30's to get it right and by then I had so many health issues and had been through so much crap well I honestly sit and think why in heck did I waste my life.
She is BLESSED to have you I had no one.
I really Pray she goes in to rehab and gets it together and leaves him to his own choices. "
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Reply #6 - 05/25/10  4:25pm
" Thank you all for the help, support and advice you have given me. I will let my daughter read these posts later today when she comes home and hopefully she can continue this thread and ask more questions, get advice, etc.

You are all blessed and I thank you again for your help. I just want her to know that whatever she decides I am behind her 1000%. Just so she gets professional help.

I will keep you all posted on her progress.

:)

T "
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Reply #7 - 05/25/10  4:41pm
" Karma,

I just want to reinforce what others have said, my son is my addict and in patient is the only way to go. I am sure there have been addicts in the past who have done it with out patient but really inpatient is the best for a heroin addict. We have done the short programs, the out patient, the in patient, the long term and it took him relapsing and really screwing up to hit his bottom. He ended up in jail for a couple of months and is now in a long term court ordered program. As far as the boyfriend is concerned

I am sure your daughter can't see this now but she needs to separate herself from him in order to get well. Tell her to really look at her life, is this how she wants to spend the rest of it? She will not be able to stay sober if he isn't. I warned and warned my son and he still ended up in jail getting arrested twice in 2 weeks. Everyone has a different bottom and for her sake I hope she finds it before she does too much damage. If she is serious tell her to read what people on here post especially the addicts in recovery, the have walked that road and can help so much.
Best of luck to both of you. "

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