What is Heroin Addiction
Heroin or diacetylmorphine (INN) is a semi-synthetic opioid. It is the 3,6-diacetyl derivative of morphine (hence diacetylmorphine) and is synthesised from it by acetylation. The w...
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Heroin exists in the world to test true character.
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After reading a lot of people stories, i'm slowly realizing they all sound the same. I guess that's heroin, "generic", no one's really got a different story?
My fiance and I have known each other since we were 14years old. He was my very first boyfriend. I remember in high school when he got sent away, I was so shocked. I never knew what he had done? I just knew i didn't trust him, but i was 14, i didn't think it was drugs?! After that, we were seperated for about 8 years, i didn't know where he was, nor did i want to. He was out of site, out of mind. Then one day a painting shows up on my doorstep (he has always been a great artist, like a lot of junkies). I hadn't seen him in forever, but i remember the relationship i had with him was the most "REAL." I missed that...I called him, and we HIT IT OFF, like nothing ever happened. We connected so much that we saw each other everyday! I coudn't even concentrate at work because i was so happy and excited to see him. THen we got engaged...and moved out to colorado. I've loved it out here, we have been planning our lives together, we have even been talking about building an eartship house. I am getting my masters in architecture and he WAS getting a degree in animation. Like many others, I've slowly been catching on...He has been not "contributing" in the sense that somehow he is always out of money. I need help paying for groceries, paying for bills, paying for gas...he has not been helping with anything. We've been getting into arguments about it....it then turns into an emotional feeling, a sense of detachment, like nobody here really cares about me? i'm doing everything i can and no one really notices? He yells at me and says SUCH mean things to me, I've been crying constantly and he never consols me or anything. HE DOES NOT CARE. I keep asking him if he likes school if he likes his classes. HE DOES NOT CARE. I have actually tried talking to his parents about him contributing and how he spends his money and i talked to my parents as well. I began worrying a lot more ALL the time, I never stopped worrying and I really wanted to tells someone, but who am i to assume something so drastic? I started noticing that he is texting people privately like crazy. I have no idea who they are and he never hangs out with anyone. It almost seems like he has no friends, but he is texting people all the time? I'm always asking him "who are you texting?" where are you going?" (he just think i "nag" "nag" "nag"). I feel like that too! It sucks! Today, I finally found the syringes in his backpack after one of our heated typical arguments. It was all there, hundreds of syringes, rubber bands, the whole bit. It was always "all there" i should have always known. But like many others we believe in love, we think love is the answer. We think love can heal. When i found the syringes in his backpack i tried to talk to him, i said "baby, how long have you been doing this?" he had a little tears, but he then fought me for the backpack. He slammed me down to the ground and threw stuff at me. (while he was fighting me, i realized....he chose drugs, not me) He ran off with the syringes and he hasn't been back. Its so see for the addicts to get their high, but i'm here. i'm sober, and i FEEL pain. it hurts it hurts so bad. I talked to his old sponsor and he told me that the most beautiful people end up in these situations. You know....i disagree completely. For those of you who have not been a slave to this drug..YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, not them. They resorted to temptation, we could all do that, but YOU DIDN'T. We have temptations in our lives for a reason, these temptations are to test your character. These people are not beautiful and we should not have sympathy for them, they simply failed the test. they failed, let them fail. Whatever higher power there is in the life, will take care of you....and will take care of "them" too. At this point i just have to get through this somehow. I can't even bring myself to eat... Posted on 10/25/09, 10:10 pm |
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Unfortunaley I understand your anger. Heroine addicts are sick and they are the only ones that can make themselves well. I know the hurt and betrayal you feel, but as you know they don't care. You need to distance yourself and seek support, maybe thru NA, they helped me see that I am not responsible nor can I make a difference in an addicts life. I have been trying sometimes successfully to stop enabling and extend boundaries. As you know they only live for the drug. A loved one has been in rehab, jail, counseling and still cannot find the strength to get clean for more than a few days. I hope you take care of yourself and try to talk to someone to lessen your anger. Believe me I have been there, its ugly. 
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Sorry, but I agree with your addicts sponsor. Being a recovering alcoholic and addict for 22 years, addicts are good and beautiful people who made bad choices. You also have to understand that addiction is a disease and extremely genetic. even when the addict is raised in a clean and sober home. I don't feel that I "failed the test" but I did have the choice to use and become an addict, or not use and follow the genetic pattern of addiction. You are correct in letting the addict fall, in order for an addict to want the gift of recovery, they have to hit bottom, plus get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Only the addict can seek help for their addiction, along with wanting the life of being clean and sober. No one can help or lead the addict into recovery, they can stop helping and enabling the addict so they can hit their bottom, so if it means leaving the addict, that is what needs to be done, not only for your own sanity, but to help the addict hit bottom, and beable to regain their recovery and sanity.
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Bcolliesmom- i know you're right. you are both right. i'm angry and sad. i keep going through cycles of anger and sadness. but the person i was with is BEAUTIFUL, i never stopped telling him that until i found this out. he is the most beautiful person i have ever met in my entire life. he got the heroin disease and i wish i could make it go away...my hands have been constantly shaking, i got a rash on my face, and i can't sleep. i just keep retracing the whole scenario in my head. i just have to take it one step at a time, but i don't think the scars will ever go away...
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Yes, we are sick, but I tend to think that there is a REASON and not just a mental flaw to why anyone would even TRY heroin in the first place. If he has not tried Suboxone or Ibogaine please suggest that he see a Suboxone doctor, gets mandatory drug screens and professional therapy. If all else fails, seek an ibogaine clinic.
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I think you need to get tested for STD's. its a good sign he had alot of syrienges. that means hes probably not shareing needles. but that dosent mean he never has. i would never talk to him again for the simple fact that he physicly abused you. if a man hits a woman he will do it again and again.
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