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i was woried about methadone but i broke in the process of being sick on wed, im on 20mls a day ive done it since thurs now i have exactly 4 more days before i have to be back at work should i stop the methedone now? and hope some of the suffering is gone by thursday when i have to be back at work? i really dont want to be stuck on methadone but im wondering if i should stop it now im going for my 3rd dose in about an hour and a half, it is bliss ill tell you that, i still crave like crazy and am very depressed suicide is always at the back of my mind wispering to me to accept its offer of peace.
Posted on 09/15/07, 06:11 pm
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Reply #21 - 11/18/09  10:58pm
" i am on 120 mil a day and doing well. been clean for 59 days and am loving this new found peace of mind. also helps with my pain that drove me to adiction in the first place "
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Reply #22 - 11/19/09  1:13pm
" So you were using something else up until 59 days ago? I am a little puzzled. What is your pain condition? How did you transition from what you were on to what you are on now. 120 mil is a extremely high dosage. What do you mean you are clean? "
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Reply #23 - 11/20/09  12:35pm
" Tinker it is obvious that you were in a really BAD clinic and because of that you have the views you do.
I on the other hand have seen friends who were addicts for 20 and 30 years shooting dope daily over and over each day get on the methadone maintenance program and get clean and get a LIFE like they never had.

I know many who are in fact HEP C infected who in fact have gotten through their addiction issues while on Methadone and gotten Off the drugs and methadone and have done wonderful and two have their numbers down after treatment one has had a transplant and doing great and another is waiting on the list for their transplant.

Yes it can be a Bytch to kick and yes Heroin is a easier kick But where is it that you can get heroin and do a slow detox off of it?
No where that I know except there is a study i think in Boston thinking of doing just that and possibly in Switzerland or somewhere they are ahead of US by a mile in addiction issues because the US well they have a warped belief on addiction still.

If a person gets on Methadone and is put on a proper blocking dose and does the foot work that should be done. Meaning they work on THEM and find the pieces to the puzzle and discover why they ever used to begin with and deal with those issues.
While doing that they put time into either going to school and getting career training or if they have training work to get a career. and learn to live life as a "normal" person
They can and do get off Methadone and go on to live a normal life.

Sadly many like you said and did go seeking that legal high
they never get the proper dose and never put in the time and energy to fixing themselves and so they stay on WAY too long and they are still getting high elsewhere in many cases and they are not taking care of THEM and then when it fails them they want to as you did Blame everything and everyone BUT the person at fault Themselves

As far as the loss of your friends i am sorry for you loss and i know all too well how it is to lose a friend and family member too., However you are laying the blame on their deaths on Methadone when in fact it was NOT the methadone that killed them
You said it yourself
the one died due to their hep C who can really say had she or he never been on methadone that his or her numbers would not have went up and the disease would not have sadly won the battle. Hep C is something we are still learning about and for many of us Myself included we hope they find a cure or something before we die.
Your second friend Knew as most addicts do know that you can not shoot drugs no matter if you are on methadone or not and be given ANY guarantee that you will not OD.
We addicts all do what we can to get the BEST high i can not tell you how many time we have heard that a friend OD'd and in the same breath ask where he got the dope cause we all want some. That is part of our addiction and the threat of an overdose is there every time we stick that tip into our vein with our without methadone in us.

Again Sorry for your lose but Methadone did not kill your friends and you obviously still have not totally dealt with their passing

I wish you all the luck in dealing with your addiction and finding true recovery and peace of mind.

By the way Methadone got me off and strangely enough after years of being off of it and being clean due to injuries suffered during a beating that left me for dead i was placed on the usual stair steps of pain meds over several years
Guess what i am taking now for pain
Oddly enough I got off all those years ago Only to end up back on for a totally different issue.
so it has helped me twice
oh and my hep C my numbers have stayed low and my biopsies all show the slow progression since 2000 when I was diagnosed neither being on or off has sped up my disease, of course i do eat a good diet now and take vitamins and supplements and take care of myself way better than i did back when I was getting high but than that is normal for us addicts heck i lived with a few illnesses that never showed themselves until i was clean the first time before ever going on methadone. "
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Reply #24 - 11/21/09  7:50pm
" Hi April

I started shooting dope at 17 , and have been through more than one clinic in more than one state. Not sure what your message of getting heroin in Switzerland and slowly detoxing is about. I have gotten off heroin with heroin after many cold turkeys. The problem was never getting off it was not starting again as I was still under the influence with Methadone, and never got the cravings and obsession removed., I am not going to try and try and convince you as until you can hear you will only hear what you want to hear.

All I can do is speak from experience and my schooling and degree's as a drug and alcohol council today. I was a straight A student on or off drugs. Until I got clean and sober I could not see why I had to self medicate. And I could not see that while still being medicated. I guess you have to have been there to understand these things before you can judge where I am.

As far as not dealing with the deaths, that is your opinion. I will never feel good about what happened to my family, but every week almost without fail I hear of another person going back out or dying, and I am thankful i have the tools today to understand that I am powerless over what others do.

I to have Hep C, I was a prostitute, a liar and a thief, and for 20 years was on the Methadone ban wagon also, so I understand your quest to be right.

As far as the people being at fault for not taking the right dose, or regulating, that is nonsense. It is just more finger pointing. When you still think like a addict you will stay on a high dosage, and its the clinics responsibility to regulate you not yourself. We had weekly meetings at most of the clinics I went to, and the patients were sucking their toes as they were so over medicated, yet they kept increasing the dose. And just outside the doors deals where being done selling take homes. I came up dirty for cocaine, downers, acid pot, and booze all the time, and was never detoxed or kicked off the program. The doctors they hire are pathetic losers who cannot hold a job elsewhere, there is not much lower other than maybe pain clinics or Social Security doctors than Methadone clinics. And the lies about what Methadone does to your body should be malpractice. One day there will be class action suits galore, there is just to many advocates out there today as its the easier softer way for the addict and a lot of money exploiting them.

I also went through in Atascadero California a class on Methadone for the patience there, and not once did they address getting them off it. It is all about money and what better audience than a dope fiend that is untreated in recovery.

I ran with junkies for 30 years and I know of what I speak. I sold drugs while on Methadone and many where the people I met at the clinic I had for customers. We were hooked on the needle and the block did not block other drugs.

You cannot BS an old BS'er.

The cure is simple. Its not easy and most junkies are mentally lazy but the cure is , don't use and get into recovery, find out why you had to use, don't use, get a clear head and stop finger pointing. We are the problem no one else. There is no quick fix, but we will do everything but what really works, until we get honest and really want to be clean and sober.

My last run with Methadone ended me up in the ICU as with Hep C it almost killed me. Since then my Hep C is in control, and other than a week detox and some pretty strong drugs to keep me pretty much knocked out while detoxing, i have not had to put any mind altering drugs in me to be able to live. So contrary to your analogy of me, I feel I have a pretty great and my thinking pretty clear and healthy , even got back some of those fried brain cells..LOL

To thy own self be true.

I was once a hopeless dope fiend. Today I am a dopeless hope fiend.

God Speed. Tink "
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Reply #25 - 11/21/09  8:06pm
" That was a pretty great life... sorry have macular degeneration and cannot see so good anymore type by the keyboard.

I was a skid row junkie. Until I really wanted to stop no one could help me. There are millions of people like me that have put the chemistry sets away and do not need any substitutes. Methadone however will keep you coming back even after the buzz is gone, as it is 10 times harder to kick than heroin. So why on earth would you do that when its not necessary. I see people on antidepressants and all these new substitutes. When you get clean you are going to be depressed but its not clinical yet I hear it all the time, and in 19 years it has grown out of control. The best sobriety is one that is done without buffers, all the others never worked for me, or the thousands I have been blessed to meet along my road in recovery. But we had to learn that for ourselves.

I wasted so many years in detox's, rehabs, clinics when it was always right there in front of me. Now a old lady I missed many years and hurt many people, some that still will have nothing to do with me. All because I was not honest enough to say, I really loved to get high and was not ready to stop. Wish you the best really do, but I prefer to keep it simple and stop looking for someone else or something else to do it for me.

Thanks again. "
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Reply #26 - 11/21/09  11:13pm
" I can totally relate to a LOT of what you speak However you are speaking to me like I am Still on the program???
I got off the program 5 years ago Due to injuries that came on top of old injuries (my ex had beat and left me for dead Than when I went to work as a trainer at a horse farm after I got off the program I got trampled by a horse which caused my pain to escalate again. They had me on all sorts of things and finally offered me methadone. I was sick of the oxys having me as you said sucking my toes and still in pain Not to mention I feared dying of a OD with them as i always felt out of my head. When they offered a low controlled does of methadone for pain i took it and it has worked.

I do as i said know all about the outside door deals but than no matter where you go you will find a junky not yet ready that much we are sure of. i did all you did and am Grateful I made it out i still give some of the credit to my getting clean and learning to live a new life to Methadone. it helped me maintain and deal with my own issues get a place of my own and get inside my head and work out the crap i needed to.
We all get recovery in our own way I guess but as you said and said well Not one of us will Ever do it until we have it in our hearts to do so.
I admire you for going to school and becoming a counselor.
i wish I could gather my brain enough to do that After all that interferon I am left with Swiss cheese for a brain.
I want to one day write for a living Oh wait i am over the hill already

I do ask How did you get past the self resentment of a life wasted? or did you ever get that resentment?

I would Love to chat privately sometime if you care to.
As i said we share a great deal in common. "
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Reply #27 - 11/22/09  1:56am
" Hi, sorry got that mixed up. I only have a minute have to tend to my hubby we both have the flu bad. I still get mad at myself for the wasted years...some times its still hard. Will write more in the morning. Your not over the hill and write very from the heart. "
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Reply #28 - 11/22/09  10:41am
" Methadone as with other opiates did not work for my pain which is neurological it made it a little easier to handle but the consequences using opiates not worth the little relief opiates provided. Excedrin actually worked better than any of the RX drugs they have tried on me. But only after I got the opiates out of my system. I know Methadone is not a opiate but it also did not work for my pain and especially my break through pain. What did work was pot. The irony of that is I cannot stand pot...LOL it does not like me either.

I do a lot of meditation, and try to move my body as much as possible, niacin also seems to help my pain.

I don't know if you ever heard of a show on Dateline years ago called "Saving Carrick". She was a young heroin addict and they glorified Methadone almost as if it were a miracle cure for her. Well her father had a web site called "The Elephant" and we started talking. She got off the Methadone eventually and from what I heard went out shortly after as although she went to school, did all these interviews, got a job etc... she never treated the underlying conditions of addiction, or had tools or support in that direction.

I believe we are defenless against using until we treat the condition and go through that without any mind altering drugs. Learning to live life on lifes terms without drugs, even ones that were not our drug of choice, as we always go back to the drug of choice. I have seen people white knuckle sobriety for years and even some kill themselves without working on the why's and hows.

I credit my clean and sober life as a daily reprieve only contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual, emotional and physical condition,. Without the tools I have been given, my support line, even with all that the statistics show I have low chance of staying clean and sober for the long haul if I get complacient at all with my recovery. I do not do life well, people well and my low self esteem can raise its ugly head at any time or tragedy. For me even good times can be a trigger. As that is usually when I went out when it got to good. I could not stand to be to successful or to fail, never learned to live somewhere in the middle until I worked a lot on why I feel different than a normal person who can drink or do recreational drugs without going over the top.

I also believe that addiction is a curse, and would trade it in a heartbeat. But it is what it is. I see so much sadness and pain.

Today I am a lot better but never think I am bulletproof. People with far better sobriety than me and time have gone out again.

Methadone to me is just a can of worms I would not go to again if I had known there was another way. My husband has been on 10mg for 12 years for his restless leg syndrome which nothing works but opiates or benzo's He has tried to get off for 4 years and when he gets down to 4 mgs all hell breaks lose. He is 70 years old and just cannot get off and believe me he has tried and suffered for weeks then has to go back up to 10 mg or go crazy with the side affects and rebound symptoms this Methadone causes. The longer your on it, the older you get its a nightmare drug. My teeth, my bones are still affected. I cannot lay down flat since getting of Methadone, the doctor said it was because I sat up in a nod for so many years not laying in bed sleeping. And my spine is a mess, plus the calcium has been drained from the Methadone. Believe me 20 years off and on Methadone I know what I speak of.

Its good to talk about these things. I just pray no one has to find out that this so called good thing is really not what it appears to be, and there are other ways.

Hugs Tink "
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Reply #29 - 11/22/09  2:10pm
" Darn it seems the more you write the more you tell my story like you were there LOL

I can not tell you how many times I have said that until one deals with whatever issues that caused the person to use to begin with that once all the "numbing" effects of the drugs are gone that pain and those issues will come to the top again.
Now will the person have the tools to sit in that pain and face and deal with it properly,
or will they instead when it comes back do as they always have and grab a drug of some sort even if that drug is alcohol and they have never been a drinker.
I went that path once and ended up drunk one night and got some coke and well back out there I went took me 3 years to come up off that relapse that time.

I too have sat at the program in the past and watched the clients get younger and think to myself wow if only they knew what I know.

I honestly think in some situations it can be helpful to at least hold you to help you get steady for short periods but well the whole being on for many years well who knows what it does to you I can imagine the same thing that being on opiates for chronic pain does to those already facing pain who are on
Oxy and fentenyl (SP??). I do wish they would take time to study these things but in all honesty they do not care enough to invest in what they see as junkies.

I wish someone would spend money and do a study on what a life of prostitution can do to a female too but well again we will likely never see that done either LOL I still

i have seen many get off from 25 and 30 year addictions to heroin and coke and never take the methadone route and get clean in jail and go one with their life and still end up facing the same health issues that you mentioned so who is to say it is methadone or just the heroin itself??

i have seen addicts who were strictly crack doers get clean and deal with the same back issues and health issues
i have to wonder is it possibly the stuff used to cut the drugs? Is it the fact that for 20 or 30 years they masked any health issues they had and therefore when they got clean the issues appear and are in fact serious crisis when they are reached?

Mind you I m NOT saying Methadone and opiates period do not play parts but i have to wonder if it does not have to do with a great deal of the crap used to cut the drugs we were doing as well as the life led.

Eithe way a life with NO medication would be a Great one but hell since i got clean I take more darn pills now than you can imagine
i swear i am falling apart piece y piece like a robot that as it walks it loses a bolts or nut here and there LOL
that is me

Oh and i also wonder if it also does not have to do with the fact I was running so hard and so strong that I was living like 3 days in every single day. If that makes sense.
i mean the staying up for days and weeks at a time until you fell asleep out of pure exhaustion because you had no where to go to sleep at. I have to wonder if that did not take its toll as well on me and my body and mind. "
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Reply #30 - 11/22/09  6:01pm
" i know alot of people that have failed trying to use methadone, but i do know a few that have succeeded greatly when taken as prescribed. coming off of it is going to hurt but you the time that you are on it to really get involved in aa/na (while you have the energy) so you will have something to fall back on. "

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