Heroin Addiction & Recovery Support Group

I understand exactly. My story is almost identical to yours. Believe me, if you tell him to leave, it will not make him worse. His addiction will not go away without help, and he will not change unless you show him what he could lose. It might help him to do something about it. You are not doing yourself any favours, you need to do whats right for your children. You can still help and support him, but something needs to be done now.

well he tried to stay clean and lasted about a week on methadone alone (as far as I know) and has now ended up using again. He keeps blaming everyone else and everything except himself. He says he's mentally ill and is stressed etc etc etc. He still lies and tries to hide what he's doing. When I try to talk to him about the problem he starts shouting at me and won't listen. It's like banging my head on a brick wall. He says I'm always going on at him and on his back. What does he expect me to be like? I've tried talking, screaming, crying, calling him names, reasoning with him, trying to make him see what effect the drugs are having on his life and tried to be supportive. Nothing works. I've threatened to throw him out many times. That doesn't work either. He's moody and irritable, does strange things, doesn't sleep, doesn't eat (except sweets and junk food now and then), he doesnt wash shave or do anything. We have no sex life whatsoever and havent for a long time. He doesnt kiss and cuddle me or do anything with me. I feel he's leaving me no choice but to leave. I am so depressed and mentally exhausted. I can't cope with him his habit and his behaviour for much longer. I just feel so frustrated and feel like crying. I don't know how he'll react when he realises this is the end this time. I'm also scared of him when he is aggressive. He is very verbal and intimdating and threatens to smash the house up and things. He has never physically hit me as yet but when he's like that I don't push it any further. He is always asking for money and is moody and aggressive and miserable all day long constantly until I give in. I feel bullied and miserable. I have three kids also and we can't afford to waste all that money on drugs. It's not just heroin its cannabis as well. It's like he needs to get as wasted as possible to feel normal. His moods have become worse and it's like treading on eggshells. He erupts over the most trivial things and really overreacts and has tantrums. when he's not tanting he's constantly moaning at this or that and picking at me calling me lazy and bitch. Its not that im lazy as such im just so worn down myself that i cant be bothered doing anything any more as when i do it soon ends up the same as it was before. it feels like im doing everything. his older brother is also a heroin addict and he sometimes goes with him to get it and use. he comes home under the effects of it - slurred speech, the eyes. I cant stand to look at him when hes like this. he sleepwalks and eats sweets all night and doesnt sleep. he says he wants to stop and never does then makes excuses up and sets a date then moves the date and it never happens - something always comes up why he cant do it then. hes making my life a misery.

hiya that is EXCATLY the same EXACTLY except he ahs 2 older brothers that are both heroin addicts aswel and he is the stronger one out of them so imagine how they r on his case. you probably dont want 2 hear this cos even when i ask for the advice when i actualyl get told i think no hesdeif blah blah balh. in my experience i left my ex on the 8th of june this yr i miss him liek and worry bout him all the time i still love him deeply and we have a son together. but i decicded to think not about what my ex needs or what i want but what has happend in the last few yrs and how much my little boy has seen. so i finished with him for my son and my son is fine he is still young will be 3 in november but he gets all my attention now he is happy and although i know he misses his dad he even sensed the tension when we were still together i will never forget the day my son sat on my lap when i was unhappy me and my ex had an argument and as usual he left me son looked me in the eyes and said daddy makes mummy sad!!! my son could even see who was casuing the disruption and that was it he shouldnt have to live like this he has a right to have a normal dad that is clean and devotes all his time and money to him instead fo gettin nothing. so i have stopped my ex seeing him and am waiting to see my solicitor in aug to get it in writing that my ex cannot see him until he is clean from meth aswell as heroin. i dont know how that will pan out but i am going to fight for that all the way and if his dad cant do that then like me he is better off without him rather then him lettin ghim down and bringing dangerous things into his life. no matter what anyones says it doesnt make it any easier and u will feel low for awhile of cours uwill it was the hardest thing i ever had to do especially when i get told things about him i just want to go and rescue him . but i cant he has to rescue himself!! when i feel down about it i just think about how much i gave him and all the horrible things he did to me and my son and i look my son in the eyes smile at him he smiles back tell him i love him and hug him and that says it all its for you my baby boy and i will always be there to protect you you come 1st!!!!!!!!! i hope that may help and if i can help anymore just ask id love to i may have taken a step further then you but i am still in a very similar situation lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think you are staying with him because you have hope. Hope that one day soon things are gonna change and he will get better. That wont happen, please believe me. As long as he is living with you and getting money from you, he will not change, even if he wanted to. He needs to hit rock bottom before he will even take it seriously. You are enabling him. I know we hold on to the "what if" all the time, and this makes us stay with them. But we have to leave them and we have to do whats right for us and our children. There is no future while he is like this. I know you dont want to be without him, and youre scared to leave him, it takes courage, but afterwards you will feel relief.