Heart Attack Support Group

hes a scared man, but cheating wont solve whats going on with him, i would suggest therapy.. i wish u guys the best..

Hi and thank you but
he didn't cheat after the attacks, it was before back in 2005 when I needed him due to
my own Disorder.
He had no interest in helping me then, he started the lieing & cheating as soon as he moved
into my home. After we got married it just got worse.
I can't forget what he DID NOT do to help me
this is what angers me. I know he is scared
but so was I when I needed him back then...
Now, I have jumped through firey hoops to help him and it is like I am Supposed to no
matter what he didn't do for me...
Sorry, I'm just so confused here and VERY angry that NOW I am expected to " take care of him " when no one helped me when I needed it the most
Thank you again

I think in the vlaes it says for better or worse. If you are not going to forgive him for 2005 ,or nag about it . if you wre going to leave him why did you not do it then.

I have never cheated on my wife ,but i have had a heart attack and I judt had test last week to see what we are going to have to do.

Winndi,
You are so correct about what the Vows say
I reminded him of that many many times
He ignored them as he went on with his ways
and forgot about Me.
Nag him ? I never have. Ask him to help me back then, yes I did to no avail...
NOW it is MY time...
I've done what I can.
Oh as to why I didn't leave him back then..
I still loved him thinking he would change...
But all of that made me go Numb & Void
I did talk to a Professional and
was told Absolutely this anger is Normal...
I have nearly killed myself, walked through my own Hell all so he can be comfortable..
NOW the time is for me to step up for ME!
Thanks for your reply

Ravin714,
Wow, I can understand your anger completely. Giving of yourself during his time of infidelity was HUGE on your part. And now in everyone's eyes, you're REALLY supposed to now because of his condition. What a struggle for you! My husband had a heart attack 5 months ago and the ANGER I felt towards him and because of the attack was giant.I had been asking him for years to stop smoking and to take better care of himself. I knew that a heart attack would happen---not "if" but "when". And it did. There was no support groups for someone like me---the groups were all for the patient and their concerned spouses and family members. Not for someone that was so pissed off about what had happened! Of course I was worried about him, but I feel the same as you: what about what I'm going thru? My husband is 51 and acts 80 so much of the time. I'm 49 and feel YOUNG so to see him like this is really hard. As far as the vows go, yes, there's everything to them.....BUT at times it seems so one-sided. I try to remind myself about what my mom told me when my dad was very ill and she was taking care of him single-handedly. "I doit because it's just something you have to do". This being said after she had gone thru some things like you have, Ravin714, and meaning that she would do it because of the vows she'd made 50 years before. My suggestion to you----be extra nice to yourself and treat yourself kindly. Give yourself what you need and don't feel guilty about it or like you don't deserve it. YOU DO!! All attention will be towards him because of his condition so don't expect alot from others. One thing I've found to be very good for my soul and wellbeing is to get outside. I live in Colorado among the mountains, so a walk in my neighborhood does wonders for me. I guess maybe it's the getting outside of myself for a while that helps so much. I take my dogs out with me and focus on the beauty around me and how blessed I am to be here, be alive, and be healthy. All we can do is take the best care of ourselves and what follows will be a result of that. Also know that you can only do so much for your husband. So much of it is on him and he has to do it himself. I have just realized this, as much as I didn't want to. I have been doing all the right things for him as far as cooking the right kinds of foods, and the right way to cook them; encouraging his excersise workouts; and pleading with him to NOT smoke. He started smoking again 2 months after the attack. That killed me and I experienced very similar feelings like you are having. I thought, "What the hell? I bust my butt to give him all the things he's supposed to have, and I'm doing everything the Dr says to do. But HE'S not. Who's the one that had the heart attack?" So, I've backed off some and realize that if he's going to smoke and eat junk food during the day while he's at work, that's what he's going to do. Nothing I can do or say will change that. Now I'm treating myself nicer and putting more energy into myself where I need to. Good luck to you. I am hoping that as time goes on, the anger will lessen for you. It did for me.

Hello Ravin
I can feel the anger in your post and its obvious your partner let you down when you needed him most. Yes anger is a normal reaction when we are hurt but it also festers within us when we carry it, in turn hurting us the most. I'm not saying for you to forgive him for the past although they do say " to err is human but to forgive is divine" If you can maybe find a way within yourself to let go of some of your anger it will definately help you.
I'm 49 and I had my MI on the 4th July and almost died and yes i've been a pain in the butt for my partner but have also accepted how this has affected her. Its also made me appreciate her more, knowledge for both parties and a level of understanding of the whole situation surrounding us is positive.
Maybe speaking to a counsellor might help? If not then I always find reading about situations really good, either in books or from the internet.
In the past I found myself doing too much for people and never feeling appreciated until I read some really good books on Co Dependency, I learnt a lot about myself and my behaviour and found it a very freeing experience. I now tend to put my needs first but in an assertive way without being aggressive and now only do things that I want to and are appreciated by the right people.
Good luck
John

Hello Woody
Good for you taking time out for yourself and stepping back from what he is doing to himself. My dad died at 32 (3 days short of his 33rd birthday) we didn't know as much back then and I was only 14 but he knew smoking and a fatty diet was wrong but continued it. We all paid the price because he didn't take the drs advice. I hope your partner comes to his senses and stops smoking, I miss cigarettes but know I can't have them and have really improved my diet and exercise.
I could say so much more on this subject but maybe if you tell him my story he might just take heed.
Take care
John

Of course you're angry, because He should be trying his hardest to win back your trust and instead he's sick! If it were me, I would feel cheated again, and worse because I can't even vent less he suffer from that. But..... he is only human and he needs you more than ever now, so just pray for peace in your heart and know that you are much strongr than you realize.

Thank you all so much and I am so sorry it has
taken me this long to get back here BUT, since I posted this in 2008 he did start smoking again, cheating AGAIN and so my next step was what
was right for ME..I Divorced him after he threatened suicide
by taking ALL of his Plavix in front of my Grandkids so he would bleed to death ( I wasn't home my daughter was and I got the call )
so with that said, my daughter took him to a counseling appointment and
he did something there ( confidentiality of course so I'm not sure what transpired ) to get himself a Registered 5150 ( danger to him self and others )...
I got a restraining order and he went homeless...
In court I told the judge I would keep his stuff safe in my garage until he got a stable home etc:
That was 10 months ago...The judge ordered him to give me 3 days notice and have an officer of the law with him when he came to retrieve his things....
Well said things are no longer here ( long story ) but he was out of the shelter and living with a woman he met online while I was exhausted taking care of his needs.
He did email me 1 time to tell me he would get them in 30 days ( that was on June 1st, 2008 ) I wrote him back and told him Ok that he knew my numbers and I was then Blocking ALL email from him, he could call when ready to get stuff, 5 months went by so....Needless to say things are now gone and what I found in them STUNNED AND SHOCKED me so badly I went into a SEVERE setback...I am now TRYING AGAIN, to drag myself UP and know I can with God's help, it is just such a battle secondly day by day as Phobias, Panic etc: are ten fold now..
I am finally free of that Demon who TRULY BELIEVED he flew with Dragons and WAS IN FACT a Dragon himself...right down to Anton LeVe's(sp?) Satanic Bible!!!!!!!!!!
Well fly on Dragon because this Dove is now Free!!
Again, thank you all so much and if you would like to see only part of what I went through ( in the 1st month we were together ) please go to....

www.ravinsrealm.com/demons

Much Thanks and Hope to all
Ravin