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HUSBAND WITH LOW LIBIDO...AM I ALONE?
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HELLO,
I HOPE THAT ANYONE WHO REPLIES TRIES TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND GIVE SUPPORT. I AM 20 YEARS OLD, MY HUSBAND IS 23. WE HAVE 2 GIRLS AND OUR MARRIAGE IS STRONG, DEVOTED AND PASSIONATE. WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER 6 YEARS AGO IT WAS FIREWORKS! WE HAD SEX LIKE RABBITS! BUT AFTER A COUPLE OF YEARS THAT STARTED TO DIE DOWN. NOT ON MY PART...ON HIS. HE IS BEING FAITHFUL TO ME AND ROCKS MY WORLD WHEN WE'RE IN BED, BUT...HE DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX AS OFTEN AS I DO. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS??? I MEAN MAYBE NOT THE PROBLEM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE IT'S CAUSING MASSIVE FUSTRATION IN ME! I DON'T EXPRESS IT TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE LESS OR SOMETHING...BUT HE KNOWS. HE'S ALWAYS COMMENTING THAT I HAVE A HIGHER SEX DRIVE THAN HE DOES. WHAT I MEAN BY THAT IS THAT HE LIKES TO HAVE SEX LIKE ONCE A WEEK. I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX LIKE 4 OR 5 TIMES A WEEK. NOT EVERYDAY BUT YEAH. NOW HE DID TAKE ROGAIN FOR LIKE 2 YEARS...I DON'T KNOW IF THAT HAS AFFECTED HIM SEXUALLY? BUT I USE TO INTERNALIZE IT. THEN I REALIZED IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT THAT HE HAS A PROBLEM, HE JUST HAS A LOWER LIBIDO. I HAVE MAINTAINED MY BODY AFTER TWO CHILDREN BEING THE 130 POUNDS I WAS WHEN WE MET. I DO NOT NAG HIM AND I CATER TO HIM IN THE BEST SENSE. I JUST FEEL SOOOOOOO ALONE BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT MOST WOMEN ARE TURNING THEIR MEN DOWN AT NIGHT AND AVOIDING THE THOUGHT, BUT I AM EAGER WAITING FOR THE NEXT TIME READY AND WILLING TO DO ANYTHING. WHAT DO I DO? I'M BECOMING BITTER. :( Posted on 11/04/09, 09:11 pm |
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I was married only for a few years and thought we would swing from the ceilings but that never happened. We had sex twice a month. It tore our marriage apart. My sex drive is high and he felt if he controlled my sex he could control me.
I think in marriage you have to do all you can do to please your partner. ignoring it will only make things worse. Fights last longer and meals aren't as good as they should be sometimes. When I tried talking to him about it I was met with much disdain which was more hurtful. Sex i show I express myself and when I can't express myself it turns into resentment. I think you should find a way to talk to him; bring it up and open the door for him or you to express concern and possibly find a result. 
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THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ADVICE! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN MARRIAGE IS SUCH HARD WORK AND WONDERFUL AT THE SAME TIME ALSO. I HAVE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT IT. BUT I FEEL THAT HE THINKS THAT I'M WHINING OR SOMETHING. HERE'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN, HE WILL SAY BABY I WANT YOU ALL THE TIME TOO BUT THE KIDS AND WORK AND EVERYTHING I JUST DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY FOR EVERYDAY BUT AFTER OUR TALK HE'LL PUSH THROUGH THAT FEELING AND WE'LL SUDDENLY HAVE SEX EVERYDAY SOMETIMES EVEN TWICE A DAY. BUT THEN, SLOWLY BUT SURELY WE'LL GO BACK TO ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. HE SAYS I'D RATHER FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU TWICE A WEEK THEN HAVE BAD SEX EVERYDAY. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HIS RATIONALITY BUT YET I WONDER IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE MIND BLOWING SEX EVEN 4 TO 5 TIMES A WEEK?
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Did this change happen quickly, or did it slowly get worse over time?
When did it start? After the first child, second child, before the children?
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oh noes!!!
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Sounds to me like he might be getting it elsewhere because he should be in his sexual prime. He's cheating.
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I toltaly agree with the man above me.
CHEATERS!!!
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IDK what to tell u. U say he's not cheatin. I understand ur man not havin the same drive as u. Mine doesnt either, But he's older than I am. But I still normally get it atleast 3 times a wk.
So if I really had to guess I would say he's steppin out for what ever reason.
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WELL I DO KNOW THAT HE'S NOT CHEATING. HE WORKS FROM HOME. HE IS SUCH A HOMEBODY, HE NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE UNLESS IT'S TO TAKE ME AND THE KIDS OUT TO DINNER OR ME TO A MOVIE OR SOMETHING. IT STARTED GRADUALLY A COUPLE YEARS AGO. AT FIRST IT WAS 5 6 TIMES A WEEKS THEN 4 THEN 3 THEN 2. I NOTICED IT STARTED AFTER HE BEGAN TAKING ROGAIN. IDK BUT I KNOW HE'S DEVOTED TO ME I JUST WONDER IS THERE ANY WAY TO HELP HIS SEX DRIVE GET TO WHERE MINE IS? BECAUSE HE MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MY BODY AND WHEN WE HAVE SEX I FEEL LIKE HITTING HIM IT'S SO GOOD BUT IT'S JUST HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX LESS TIMES A WEEK THAN I.
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One question, does he somtimes have problems getting an erection. I mean every so often maybe ha can't get it up.
Even if this happens no more than 1 in 4 times it can make a man feel bad about himself no matter how consoling you may be. If there is any problem of this type he might want to talk to his doctor about ED. Does he masterbate from time to time? For his age, if he does not masturbate and only has sex once a week, this is not just low libedo it is a medical condition, again he should talk to a doctor about it.
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Sounds like he might actually be a bit depressed, or maybe just bored. Not with you or your life together, but from the routine.
You said, "HE WILL SAY BABY I WANT YOU ALL THE TIME TOO BUT THE KIDS AND WORK AND EVERYTHING I JUST DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY FOR EVERYDAY" Maybe he's just too much in a rut to rut. (Please forgive that horrid pun) Have you had a vacation since the decline started? I mean a real vacation, not just a few days at some tourist trap.
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