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New and need a lil' advice
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I am recently married (a whopping month!) and I love my husband. He is wonderful and will do anything for me. We have been through a lot together, especially my working through issues from my past. Those issues have affected me sexually, but I have come a long way. But, an issue that continues to this day is that I always am wanting to have sex, and he just feels like doing it once a week. I know that people have it much worse than I, but when we do it once a week, I feel like it is he performing a favor, or to shut me up. I always feel at his mercy, waiting for him to go "okay, let's do this thing!" Like I am a little kid waiting to go to an amusement park, begging every day, until the parents finally give in. I really don't want my high energy and his lack of interest in sex to be the cause of larger problems down the road...any advice?
Posted on 11/04/09, 09:11 am |
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try playing dress up, or just attack him when he is not expecting it, wake him up with a blowjob...use your imagination. have fun with it. 
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the secret to any relationship, is to be very, very close. the two of you need to cry together, laugh together, everything together. really pour your love onto him any way that feels very good to you both. but, make sure he does too.
he sounds rather distant. that has to stop and very soon. you will be depleted if he does not learn to meet you half way.
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Maybe he has sexual issues from his past he needs to work through....stuff he is holding in and hasnt talked about yet.
You said that you have worked through yours...but maybe he has them to?
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I think Brian might have an interesting point there; a lot of people have got some kind of issues about the way they learned about sex, there's still a lot of double standards and mixed messages out there.
But my first thought was, he's probably tired and possibly stressed out at work? If you're finding that you have a lot more spare energy than him then maybe you can think of ways to show him a bit of support? I'm sure he'll appreciate the effort and maybe you'll both benefit in the longer term.
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Teasing is a good approach. Spontaneuity is also good. Make sure it is a good time tho, not when his football team is about to kick the game winning field goal, from 50 yards out... lol. Now that you guys are married, you should throw some spice in it and it will be all good.
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You might have him get his testoserone level checked. That could cause what you're experiencing. Also, if he's slightly depressed, his sex drive may be off.
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how old is he? any medication? pot smoking? health issue?
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Is he much older than you?
once a week... eh? Is he under a ton of stress? Hmmm..........
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THank you all for your advice!! I actually have been suspecting something happened to him as a kid. And part of me feels it was a family member involved. But, he always says nothing happened or "I don't remember my childhood." I know all about repression. The next step is figuring out if it did or didn't happen. I don't want to project on him.
He is very stressed at work and I never really associated the two. We have two different reactions to stress, I want sex, he wants to sleep. I guess I always feel rejected when we don't have sex, like there is something wrong with me. Even though when we are in the moment and pounding it out..hehe...it is amazing. Perhaps I am overthinking things. But as a newlywed, I think sex shouldn't be the issue this early on. Thanks everyone!!
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P.S. He is 26, he is not older than me. Aren't 26 year-olds supposed to be all up on the booty?
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