Healthy Sex Support Group

This is pointless mind rot. Enjoy

:)

Larry and Scott wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea. " He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Scott said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all." Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Scott said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Larry replied, with a smile,"Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!" They downed their drinks. Larry said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and done, the
barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth bar, Scott said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!" Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"
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A Minnesota milking farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since
the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it
on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment,
turned the switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized
that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly discovered that he couldn't
remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual, but didn't
find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but
still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's
Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works
fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will
release automatically once it's collected two gallons.
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The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?" "Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. He exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake your mother"
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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to
kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling
a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand
against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you
give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My
parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this
hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I
love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just
can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"
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A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."
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Q.What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Posted on 10/25/09, 07:10 pm