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How to let him know when he does things I don't
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Hi all, this is not a bitch session!! I promised I wouldn't do that anymore.
I really need advice, I probably should be on the healthy relationship board for this, but most of you here already know my circumstances. I am trying to give this another shot, and I thought that what I should start doing is to tell him straight out when I don't like something. Well, I am thinking I may be going about it wrong. This morning he made a very racist joke and I did not laugh (he knows I don't like it) and I said "I really didn't think it was funny" Then later today he acted all upset and disappointed when I told him I skipped my work out and I told him I would like it better if he didn't make a big deal out of it. Well now he is saying "You are just looking for reasons not to like me aren't you?" NO, I am trying to let him know what annoys me so he will stop doing it. Maybe I am addressing it wrong? Any help? Posted on 09/16/09, 05:09 pm |
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Something I learned in Counseling...The only person you can change is yourself.
If he is racist... you aren't going to change that. If he is the type that wants the hot skinny chickie babe with the "perfect" body... that never misses a workout... That is what is really important to him and you aren't going to change that. 
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Lisa~
You are probably right. Funny thing is, he is very over weight and out of shape!!! So I said "When was the last time YOU worked out!" LOL!!!!
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This isn't really advice but it sounds like you don't like him that much. I think it would be hard to like someone that tells racist jokes or has "air" sex in public. (I read the other post). So maybe it is me that doesn't like him! You deserve to really love someone who respects you and others too.
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Oh my god, that air sex thing!!!
It was so sick. But the word Air sex is so damn funny!! Thanks Weatsie!
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As far as I'm concerned, telling racist jokes is unacceptable behaviour.
Lisa's right that you're unlikely to ever change his attitudes, but I'd say it's reasonable to ask that he doesn't tell jokes like that in your presence. He's probably still going to come out with them around his drinking buddies, but that's their problem not yours. Sounds to me like you're handling things right, you're letting him know where your limits are and what you find offensive. If you're calling him out on unacceptable behaviour, he can't retreat behind "poor little me, you're picking on me" - he should at least be big enough to apologise and agree not to do it again. Of course, if you find that you're constantly having to say "please don't do that again", then he's probably the wrong man for you.
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Phoenix, I will have to pay attention to see if I am always saying, please don't do that.
Or worse yet, please don't do that to the SAME things over and over, which has happened in the past. It is really hard to tell sometimes if he is joking or not. We got into a discussion over dinner tonight about another question I saw on here about what do you consider a whore, and he said "a woman with lots of sex partners" and I said "but men do that!" and he said "That is the way it is suppose to be" I actually had to stop the conversation to keep from getting pissed off.
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Sounds like theres something else deeper not getting voiced and delt with. Im going through the same SHITE in my relationship right now, soo frustrating.
Tell him to vent everything hes upset about, and that youll do the same.
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wrong board
wrong guy wrong motives Geeze stop trying to control every body you are just going to end up miserable.
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