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Broke Up with Bf, He can't accept it
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How can I deal with the guilt that I'm feeling, even though I know that I made the right decision. And how can I make it not harder on him than it already is
I have an issue with my boyfriend who I just broke up with that he liked me more than I liked him, but I didn't know how to break it to him because he has gotten very attached and wants to see me all the time. He's probably the most good looking guy I've ever gone out with, and he's very kind and respectful towards me, however because of his deafness he depends on me too much for support and doesn't have enough of a life of his own, he is so clingy and antisocial because of his deafness, that he wants to only hang around me, and I miss out on getting to interact as much with other people. I like him and care about him, but didn't feel strongly enough for him to see a future with him. I wanted to break up with him, but I knew he'd be devastated because he doesn't want that, and this is his first serious relationship. He said up-front that he wanted to be friends if things didn't work out between us, but because his feelings for me, I'm not sure that would be possible, until he has taken a while to get over me. I broke up with him tonight. It was so hard. He was heartbroken. He said that he was devastated and couldn't imagine not being able to be with me. He said he couldn't accept it and kept trying to get me to change my mind, asking what he can do differently, and saying he could change, and asking me to give it another chance. Whenever I said that I won't change my mind he burst out crying, and when I hugged him he broke down into tears. I felt so bad for him that I started crying too, but I had to make sure not to cry too much otherwise he would think that I'd changed my decision. I said that even though I'd like to be friends with him, I don't think it would be a good idea right now, and he said that he doesn't know if it would be possible because he would keep hoping that he would get back together with me if he gives it some time He wanted a few more last kisses, and then we hugged standing up and he continued crying and then he let go and said goodbye, but couldn't bare to look at me coz he was so upset. He said before he left that he had no one to talk to and he didn't know how he would possibly get over this, and that it was going to take him a very long time. I was concerned about how he would be able to cope, so I called his home phone number where he rents a room, and spoke to the woman who owns the house who also has a deaf son. I explained to her that I had broken up with him, and that he was very devastated and that he needs all the support he can get. Then she said that her heart goes out to me and to feel free to call any time to check up on how he's going. I did this bcoz he cannot use the telephone bcoz of his deafness, and I wanted him to receive support bcoz he tends to isolate himself. He then sent me a message saying that he's never felt like this in his life and that it's horrible, and that I could have handled things better by giving things more time and that then I might feel differently. He said that he still doesn't know what to do, and that the woman that lives their that I called isn't helping much. Then he said that he wants to be back with me, and believes it's bcoz I'm too unstable bcoz I used to be depressed, even though I'm not and was in a stable condition when I made that decision. I didn't reply to his message and now I'm sitting back letting time pass and hoping that it helps. But he either gets mad that I made that decision, or gets hurt and wants me back How can I handle this? Posted on 11/06/09, 09:11 am |
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It's sad for him but you have to do what is right for yourself in this situation. He will have no choice but to deal with this. That's what we do. I suggest that you don't shut yourself out of his life completely as it seems it would leave him without a friend. 
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Oh hon, I just went thru a very similiar situation. But my ex was not deaf.
However, he wanted to keep contacting me. And it would hurt SO bad to see him so torn up. I had to end any and all contact. Even though it hurts it is the best thing you can do for him. He will eventually get over it. You sound like a very sweet person and you went above and beyond by calling the woman he rooms with. You have done all you can do. Now you just have to stop all contact for his sake. Don't answer his messages. He will eventually give up. Damn, it sucks to hurt people doesn't it?
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Ah this is a common one. Don't even try to "break their heart lightly". Can't be done. Just remember the karma that you could someday be in his shoes. That's life.
Best is to just be direct and call it like it is. Somebody always gets hurt but ya gotta do what is true to you. And staying friends is a constant reminder to him of what could have been. That's cruel punishment. He will need a support group to help him get over it likely.
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Taking responsibility isn't easy. Many people in your shoes wouldn't be as direct and instead let the relationship degrade into fighting, lying, cheating and all the rest of it before they break-up just because they couldn't face the music.
It's never going to feel good breaking up with someone. It sounds like you thought it out and had good reason. The bad feelings will pass with time and you'll be glad you acted the way you did.
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