Healthy Relationships Support Group

I always say people need people and in our hearts we would preffer to be in relationships than by ourselves.

However we have got to be very clear about the dividing line between wnating to be in a loving relationship and having our relational needs met by our partner and trying to use our partner to fill a void in ourselves.

It is interesting to note that men on average are more healthy when they are in relationships and women are healthier when not in relationships (please note I say on average, this is statistics not a rule.

Why is this?

It is because usually women grow up feeling they need to be in a relationship whereas men are taught to value independance and not relying on others.

As a result is that many women who do not get married our healthy and strong and are clear they do not need men a man to complete them. And many men who do not get married do so because they find it difficult to find a woman who they can negotiate a relationship with because they are not able to overlook their insistance on their conditions for the sake of a relationship.

If we look at more closely at the married men and women we will find two types of marraiges:

1. Healthy marraiges where both husband and wife feel like loving equal partners

2. Unhealthy marriages where one partner dominates the other creating a situation where both partners suffer through not being to relate in a healthy way but the less dominant partner suffers more.

As women are expected by society to be more passive than men it is usually the women who suffer more.

The ideal situation of course is a healthy marriage where both partners are secure in themselves and share an equal relationship. These people are the happiest of all.

Sorry for the lengthy reply.

When i am single, i want to be in a relationship. When i am in a relationship, i act like i am single. Problem.

Outlawed,

It sounds like you have classic co-dependant push-pull issues in your relationships.

I would also be interested to know whether in the case that your partner withdraws a bit in your ralationship you become more clingy, and if they try to get too close whether you pull back.

I think if you can feel confident and be happy with yourself and enjoy your own company that any future relationships you get involved in will have a higher success rate. After all if you don't like yourself it makes it difficult for others to like and respect you. In all aspects if you can find the positive things in being single it builds a lot of self confidence and I think when you have that you are more likely to have better relationships and find exactly what you are looking for rather then just settling for someone just because you are unhappy being lonely. Just my thoughts mind you:)

Annie, I know you might be tired of hearing "oh you're so young, so take your time". But it is true. And no, there is nothing wrong with your feelings about being single, but this an emotionally sensitive time for you as you prepare to meet life after high school (I assumed you're in school) and all the resposibilities that come with adulthood. All this can be a daunting challenge for anyone your age. I see that you have a very positive goal. Fitness. Who knows where that might lead you. I'll say this though; you probably won't suffer the many ailments many of us foolish older folks do because we didn't make fitness one of our goals. Try to be patient about having someone in your life and don't ever settle for second best. Get to know the other person before you committ your feelings and as always, talk with someone you really are certain is trustworthy. Another woman is always better to share your feelings and concerns with. In the meantime, know that you are special and unique.

There is nothing like the reactions that take place when we have someone in our lives. But, once I asessed my life I realized that I'd never really gone a long time without someone. My hearts been kicked around, broke, dumped and stepped. I got tired of putting myself through these things and decided to take a break. If I don't like my own company how do I expect others to appreciate my company? I found that I really enjoy my company and like myself. Appreciating myself is the best way to teach others how to appreciate me.

I like both being with someone and being alone. Being alone I don't have the drama and can be myself. I can be selfish and it's okay. Being with someone takes a lot of effort and putting my energy into the other person while they may or may not do the same.

But, then again I'm jaded.

Think about the postive about being single
-You can have fun with any girls/guys you want without commitment
-You have your time for yourself
-You can spend your money for yourself
-You can do things that you like to do
-You don't have to deal with all the drama that comes with relationships

Love it! I know who the hell I am today, and who I will be tomorrow. Can't say that for any other person I know.

I love being in a relationship, being with someone and doing things for that person makes me happy :)
That being said I sure turn into more of a basket case in a relationship than when i'm not in one, haha.

I am currently single and I am loveing it.
but I have always been the type to feel happy alone. I guess that's just me.
I also feel I need this time to grow and heal from my most recent break up. Realize the mistakes I made and learn from them.