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Discussion:
Not sure what to do
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My guy "friend" confuses me to no end, we are NOT bf/gf , I try to distance myself from him (he asks too much and gives too little) I don't expect him to come running after me but it's like he senses when I want to pull away and not stay even being friends, he suddenly has "time" for me and even sort of does nice things for me. I say sort of because he will say something like "I'll check your car for you tomorrow" when I have been waiting for him to do it for weeks- of course I end up saying "No need- I took care of it myself, cuz I got tired of waiting"
Anyhoo what I am not sure about is this, a while ago he put some money down on some estate jewellery, he likes to take home jewellery as gifts when he goes back for a visit- which so far has been once in 14 years. He got 5 rings and told me at the time that I could pick one when he got them. Yesterday he went and got them, he didn't let me pick one- he decided which one to give me, I only saw one other one. He just handed it to me in front of his daughter and my boys and said "Here's the ring for you, see if it fits" I put it on and he said "it's perfect" which yes it does fit perfectly. It is a very nice ring too. He has very good taste and wouldn't buy anything that wasn't great looking. He wanted to get the rings cleaned but the place was closed so he told me to just take mine to any jeweller and they would make it all nice and new looking.
I went to drop something off at his place later and he immediately asked why I wasn't wearing the ring. The biggest reason was because my hands/nails are a mess right now and I was shy to wear it, I was embarrassed when I put it on at how terrible my nails were. I usually keep them nice but for New Years I decided to do something fun and get gel nails- which it turns out destroyed my real nails. The other reason was that I want to have the ring cleaned first.
My issue is that I am not sure I should have accepted this ring because I feel that when a man gives you a ring it is supposed to mean something- or am I wrong on that? This ring is just a ring- a very nice one, but there isn't any meaning to it. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings over this either. I guess I just feel sort of sad that there isn't any meaning it- which is probably sucky of me.
Posted on 01/27/13, 02:09 pm
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Reply #1 - 01/27/13  3:15pm
" What I feel is almost sadder is what appears to be his attitude about it.
It seems like he was so offhand and casual in the way he gave it to you and yet seems to feel that you should always be wearing it. Really strange behaviour and mixed signals in my book.

I know what you mean about the "when you have decided that you are going to pull away..........and his behaviour changes towards you and he does something sort of nice"
I have come to the conclusion that these type of guys don't want to commit to a friendship or relationship, but as soon as they feel they might lose it completely they pay you a little attention to just keep you around. We almost become like their security blanket. They want us there, but they don't want to be bothered with making the real effort towards the friendship.
Hard to know what to think or feel about it. "
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Reply #2 - 01/27/13  3:50pm
" Some people enjoy the excitement of the chase. It makes is new, fresh and attractive. As soon as they get whatever it is they desire they get bored and pull away. Obviously he gets some sort of enjoyment out of your reaction when he does something that impresses you. "
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Reply #3 - 01/27/13  3:51pm
" This is very confusing. First he said YOU could pick the ring then did not allow that to happen.

Maybe you should just ask him but My guess is that the ring does not signify anything...he just gave you one out of the lot.

I know what you mean about nails!!! I had Shellacking done and oh my god my nails are terrible!! they are peeling like crazy!!
Won't be doing that again! "
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Reply #4 - 01/27/13  5:46pm
" P.S. you know what bugs me about people like that.. Doing things in front of their friends or family .. They do it to make themselves feel/look better not because they want you to feel happy. "
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Reply #5 - 01/27/13  6:20pm
" Lilanna,

I sit here and read your posts and it's clear you are a smart wonderful woman. You always give great advice to everyone.

the situation with this "friend" of yours... What advice would you give if one of us posted about him?

Funny things are attached to the meaning of jewelry in our society huh??

I agree with Aronia. I have reached a point in my marriage when I'm thinking I was adorned in tons of diamonds more for him than me. I've boxed it all up, put it in a safe place and am currently enjoying my "unadorned" self!

I think you should wear it when you feel like it for nobody by yourself, Lilanna! "
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Reply #6 - 01/27/13  6:21pm
" oops.. for nobody BUT yourself... not by yourself "
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Reply #7 - 01/27/13  7:27pm
" It's always easier to give advice to others lol When your emotions are all mixed up it's hard to follow your own advice sometimes.
Today he took his daughter home and then I stopped by his place to get keys for his car so I could go get some groceries. I had walked to the mall earlier with my boys and had the ring cleaned. It really is very nice, then he showed me the other rings and I have to say that he chose the nicest one to give me and for whatever reason it made me feel good.
I haven't been given much jewellery, my first bf that I lived with for 10 years bought me one necklace, my H gave me a ring for Valentines but I never had an engagement ring or wedding ring- we were never engaged just got married when we were in Vegas for a night.
Today when I thanked him again for the ring and said that it was really nice and fussed about how sparkly it is now- he said "No Problem". (I seriously never get the romanic sort of guy)
I guess I will wear it as you say- when I want to and enjoy it for what it is- a nice piece of jewellery. "

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