Healthy Relationships Support Group

Hello!
I'll try not to make this too long winded, theres a lot of things stock-piling in my mind and I really just need to get it out, vent and hopefully get some insite.
Back in January 2009 I met my current boyfriend who I didn't start dating seriously until February. He lived in Calgary and I lived just outside of Edmonton (three hours apart). Things have been going rather well, but there is a lot of exess baggage in our relationship from our pasts... He had been in a very serious relationship up until about a year prior to meeting me; he was very much in love with her, they had two dogs together and while they were together he bought a house aniticipating that he was about to propose, settle down and begin a family. Three months or so after he bought the house she broke it off shattering his trust in people. To make matters worse, not long after she slapped him with a lawsuit, even though she hadn't put money into the down payment for the home (she was paying half the mortgage though, like rent I guess) she felt as though she was entitled and wants alamony (I'm not sure if thats the right term, either way she's sueing him for a lot of money). Because of all this he was deeply wounded and became severly gaurded; he doesn't trust anyone anymore.
Before I met my boyfriend I was 'on the dating scene' and having a lot of problems finding anyone I could open up to... I wasn't attracted to the guys I went on dates on even thouse they were all very nice, there was no spark. I thought for a while that I had a defect, haha. The last relationship I was in had been a bad one, I have delt with depression in the past and can't be around people who are extremely negitive because I absorb their negitivity. When I broke it off with my ex I had hurt him as any break up would (we're friends now so we've mended), but I was so scared to let myself like again because I didn't want to hurt anyone else.
When I met my current boyfriend all the gaurds I put up got shattered, he waltzed into my life and suddenly I could feel massive sparks. Before we dated he told me bits and peices of what was going on between him and his ex, I knew it would be hard to gain his trust due to this, but he's worth it. Every ounce of him is worth the work.
I fell deeply in love with him and him with I, so much so that I needed to be physically closer to him and I decided to quit my job, leave my beautiful home that I lived in by myself and move to Calgary where I now rent a room in my cousin's home (I've been in Calgary for two months now). My boyfriend never pressured me to move, he deeply wanted it, but he knew how hard it was going to be for me to leave everything behind and begin freash in a new city. We had talked about it in length, about how I wouldn't move in with him immediately as I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and we wanted to get to know each other in a non-long-distance relationship before such a big step.
A matter of a week before my big move my boyfriend pulled the rug out from under me by stating that he thinks I'm very special, unique and that he loves me very much, but that still doesn't trust me and that he doesn't know if we're going to last. I'm sure you can imagine my reaction... 'i'm moving to Calgary in a week and you're telling me you don't think we're going to last!?' He responded by saying that he can't fortell the future, he wants us to live long and prosper, but he has no way of telling. I could understand that, I dream about the future all the time, but who knows how it'll turn out. I'm 100% positive in my feelings for him, I think he's my soul-mate, but I had thought that before (as did he).
Since then he's stated that he has issues thinking about our future together because he'd planned for the future before with his ex and had gotten burned.
I know that it will take time for him to trust me, but it still stings. As immature as this sounds, I sometimes feel as though I get punished because of what someone else did to him.
The other thing I am having a very hard time dealilng with is i'm feeling very jealous, which is a feeling i've never dealt with before in a relationship.
My boyfriend has had to take a second job to pay off his ex and even though we're in the same city now, I see him as much as I did when we lived three hours apart. Through this job he has made a few friends, one of them being a female who is VERY interested in him. I did not have any issues with him being friends with her until I discovered that she had come over to his house and stayed watching movies and talking until 3 a.m. on a day that he had to work his main job. (he works full time, Monday through Friday at one job. The second is at a fast food restruant where he woks till 1 a.m., this is where he met his female friend). I understand that she has an odd schedule, working at a 24 hour fast food joint doesn't have regular hours, but she texts him at all hours of the night, came over till 3 a.m. and I feel so conflicted about this. I have spoken and expressed my concerns, he is aware of her crush, but says it doesn't matter what she feels because he loves me and isn't interested in her for a relationship. They're just friends. He says i'm the only one that has been able to push down his defences like I have and he has no feelings. So why do they text? Why does he talk about her lots? Why can't I relax and stop feeling so pety and jealous?
(In all fairness the texts have decreased a bit since I broached the subject... not a lot and he still speaks of her daily).
I know i'm more sensitive because i'm feeling very lost right now (moving to a new city will do that to you!), but my feelings are really getting to me.
Thank you for listening!
Posted on 11/06/09, 01:11 pm