What is Healthy Relationships
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well the guy ive been seeing for the past 4 1/2 months used to be a great friend but ive always been in love with him just something about him but origionally the problem was he was dateing my married friend and now shes in another state and we ended up getting together couple months ago and hes even moved in and has been with me for the whole time problem is she doesnt know were together she is the only one who doesnt know and she txts and chats with him all day long on facebook and aim and lately hes been hot an cold with me one minute hes holding me an tonight hes yelling an pushing me away and honestly i have no idea how to handle this i want to tell her leave him alone but he doesnt want her to know yet and im trying to respect that but we live together were supposed to be getting a new place in a few weeks and its just terrible feeling like hes pushing me away i love him i have for a long time and he can be a great guy but i think she broke something in him he used to smile and be happy with me and now he seems miserable and i dont know what to do do i walk away and lose it all or do i stick with it an pretend not to cry every night its like i am lost please help ?????????
Posted on 10/26/09, 10:10 pm |
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Hey friend, that sounds like a tough situation you're in! You may have feeling for this guy but sometimes we need to push aside those strong feelings to let in a little sanity. Imagine how awful it would be if this guy was having sex behind your back with a friend of yours?
Even if your friend was out of the picture I'd be suspect. In any case I suggest you face the reality your relationship with this guy may end if he can't agree to stop pursuing your married friend. Don't yell or make demands. Sit him down one evening while you are both calm, tell him how much you care for him and explain you don't feel comfortable with him being so cozy with the married friend. Tell him he is free to do as he pleases and cant take soem time to think about it -- but if he goes that road you are leaving. You have to be prepared to make a tough decision like that of course. You probably will be better for it if you do. Good luck! 
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There's a lot of deception going on here and if it continues it is going to wreck havoc on everyone involved. I personally think you should back up a little and evaluate what you want from a relationship. Do you want a guy that feels like it is OK to date a married woman and continue to text/chat with her when he is in a relationship with you? I am sure he is feeling miserable because he is juggling two women. He needs to come clean with her and decide if he wants a relationship with you. You don't deserve to be crying every night. He isn't worth it.
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honey, i am a little older than you, and where i come from there is a code of ethics, like people in jails DO NOT SNITCH, WELL WHERE I COME FROM YOU DO NOT, REPEAT DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE YOUR FRIEND HAS BEEN WITH. IT IS UNETHICAL.
THAT IS WHY SHE IS TEXTING HIM, AND HE IS RESPONDING. YOU HAVE GOTTEN INTO A PICKLE. IF YOU DECIEVE YOU WILL NOT ACHIEVE. YOU SHOULD OF DISPLAYED YOUR FEELINGS IN THE BEGINNING. IF YOUR FRIEND CAME BACK TO YOUR STATE, YOUR BF/AND HER WOULD PROBABLY HOOK BACK UP. YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THIS, AND THIS IS WHERE YOUR DELIMMA STEMS FROM. REMEMBER YOU DO NOT SCREW YOUR FRIENDS MEN. GOOD LUCK.
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Hi, I may not be able to give you advice as such but I thought it may help you to know that I understand in a way. I know how much more dificult things can be when you have loved someone for a long time. I have loved my partner for 9 years and we have been together for 21/2. When things don't go quite right it is so much harder to accept it doesn't work. I know what it's like to cry every night and be desperate for it to all be fixed. I'm currently making the stay or go decision too and I understand it feels impossible when you've loved someone so much for so long. I hope you get the strength to make the right decision for you. Good luck.
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Connecicut, you are SO very, very right. You said it like I wanted to.
you are dating this guy for only 4 months, you already moved in and he is still facebooking your friend who he recently had an affair with. I am really concerned that you are the only person who is going to get hurt here - he will break your heart and your friend will be REALLY pissed off. It's OK to love someone, but it doesn't mean we always have to indulge in that feeling, even if this person is not good for us. Very bad move , I think. I really hope things will work out with everything. Be strong and take care of things. I found in my exeprience telling the truth and going by what;s right is not always easy, but it turns out better in the long run. the lies build up like a snowball and then things can't be repaired. My good (married) friend has been e-mailing a guy and had an intimate platonic relationship with him ( for her own reasons). When she found out that her best friend was doing the same, she was very upset. I don't even know if they are still friends after that.
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