Head and Neck cancers Support Group

It's horrible whats happening for you and your family and it seems your mother is handling the situation very badly and probably taking it out on you. It's no excuse but you need to focus on the real issue which is your father and he must be terrified with what he is going through, and the prospect that you and your son could inherit the cancer aswell would make him feel even worse. People have a strange way of dealing with sickness. I found family members of the one with the illness behaved horribly, very mean and blamed others for their loss. I think they just can't handle it, what's going on. It's too much and they respond in a negative and nasty way. My husband passed from cancer 18 months ago, I don't see his family since 3 days after his death, they have been horrible and mean to me, but my husband wasn't close to them in the first place and they just feel guilty because they weren't there for him. Just be there for your dad as much as you can take lots of photos, videos, and involve your son. DONT let your mum not talking to you stand in your way of having this most valuable and precious time with YOUR DAD and your sons GRANDDAD. You can't get the time back, and if he does pass away, everything will be different, and even worse most likely. Please be strong. My thoughts are with you.

Hi,

I am sorry for your dad's diagnosis but I can tell you that your mother maybe trying to hold on. I found with my own experience my step-mother wouldn't let us daughters in very much. They even made a pack leave this world together I am glad they didn't get to pull that off. The purpose really is to let you know sometimes the closet person doesn't want to share the pain or the one that is their best friend they can't except loss and hang like an abertrose. It isn't so much that they wish to cause you grieve it is their way of survival. I am not an expert but when my sister wanted to climb in the coffin with my mother I had to start understanding what the hell they think they are doing.

What kind of cancer does he have?? I had right tonsil soft pallet and they never told me it was heridatory. If you have a parent that has had cancer you should always be on the look out but that just doesn't sound right at all to me.

Please let me know because now I'm worried...thks V

Hi he has medullary thyroid carcinoma, which is very rare and has taken many doctor's time to diagnose correctly.
he is currently undergoing a new experimental treatment, but the out look is only to keep him alive for as long as possible.

Hope this helps and stops you worrying. I did discuss this with my GP and he got all the information prior to checking my bloods for the cancer.

Times are hard but I hope that you are well and stay that way.

First off, know even if you have inherited the genes to pass this on, it doesnt mean it will manifest. Plus if it does, you now have the means to get to it quickly. I have found if you can diagnose it quickly, the best chances for beating it! Worrying about getting it takes a ton of energy. So I hope you can put that away, for now and keep in the present.

I think your mother is trying her best to deal with everything she has to deal with. It takes a lot of organization to take care of a terminal patient, just in dr visits alone!! Not to mention medications, emotionally feelings and for her mate no less. You can deal with how you feel about her later. It really isn't important right now. The priority is your father and your relationship with him, secondly would be your son's well being of everything going on around him. This is my opinion only.

If you go to visit your dad, just ignore what your mother may say, if it strikes a bad cord with you. Try to make an apt to see him. Keep conversation with your mom limited. It feels like they are treating you as if you are a little kid and you are their little kid, to them. I honestly feel some of this hostility, you are feeling, is their way of trying to protect you.
Another idea is to write your dad a loving letter. Maybe that would help. Say everything loving you wanted to say and maybe didnt say enough. I think what I am really trying to make a point here is, say what you can, no regrets. Say I love you, thats the most important. you can even say to your mom, Im sorry your having such a hard time mom, I love you. And let it go.

Families often hurt each others in crisis situations, but its often because of unselfish reasons. like protection, or trying to hold everything together. you could ask her if she needs help with anything. That way you could help but maybe its an errand or a yard issue, so you do not have to interact with her while you are doing something.
hope I have offered you some help here. you might also see if there is a support group where you live or a clergy person you can talk to. That would be good to vent but not to the people involved. I know it helps me when I am frustrated and then I can cope better with loved ones.