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My best friend is HIV positive - I'm so confused..
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I don't know what I should be feeling or how I should be reacting. I found out in a letter he sent me, that he was dying, and I had a dream, a HORRIBLE one quite a while ago, that it would be one of 2 things, and it ended up being BOTH. Not just HIV, but brain cancer as well.

At first, I went outside, and I cried my eyes out for about 1/2 an hour. Just whispering his name over and over again in my head, and all I could see were the horrible visions from my nightmare I had so long ago that I had almost forgotten about until that day. Since then, I have talked to him quite a few times, and he seems, emotionally, to be doing pretty well. Mentally, he's positive, and he seems to love his job, which I'm really happy for, and he's getting an apartment soon.

However, I can't help but think that his mood is just a facade so that I don't break down. I refuse to break down and let him hear me do it. He's in Arizona and I'm in Florida... and he doesn't need anymore stress than he already has. I don't feel like crying... I feel like punching something till my hands bruise, or screaming to the sky and cursing God for what he has done to him and his partner as well, as well as for a few other things that I'd like to get off my chest to Him. There's this deep,empty hole in the middle of my chest and I just don't know how to fix it.

How should I be reacting?
Posted on 03/14/07, 11:49 am
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Reply #1 - 03/14/07  1:13pm
" This disease doesn't care who you are, what race you are, or how old you are, or what gender you are. This illiness isn't from god- it is a horrible illiness that many of us have. I have been poz for 14 years and the anger is the first step in being able to help your friend. I advise that you just be there for him, listen when he needs to talk, cry with him if he needs to cry and realize that you are angry and I sure he is too, but he is the one that must face everyday with this illiness. Enjoy life with him, laugh with him, just be there for him. In time maybe you can let him know about how hurt you are. Give him time to come to terms with his diagnosis- then tell about your hurt, your fears and why your angry- you can help each other along with this. It is not the end of the world, but just a curve in the road. Just be there for him and his partner. "

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