This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for t...
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Does anyone else feel like this?
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I don`t know if I`am being too had on myself but I feel terrible.
I put in a tough week with gd. My daughter has physical custody since mid June but I have had her (my gd) quite a bit since then. I always thought I would be a good influence since my daughter and the father are so unstable but now after this last week with my gd Iam not so sure. She is going to be 5 yrs. old next week and she is getting to be tough to handle lately. Not listening to what I say. Giving me a hard time. Crying to go back to her mothers if things dont go her way. Then today after asking her numerous times not to do something and she did it again, I lost it and really yelled at her, I mean really yelled at her. Then she left to go back to her mothers house which was planned for the next 3 days, or so.... I can`t shake feeling badly about myself and thinking that maybe she`d be better off without me not being so present in her life if this is how I act .Usually I never raise my voice to this point anyway, I think the week was just a little too much. Am I the only one who ever feels this way? I do not have any support system or a partner so I really am alone in this. To top it off my ex witnessed me when I yelled at her and he turned around and called my daughter and the childs father to say I had a "temper tantrum". Posted on 08/17/08, 06:08 pm |
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Don't be so hard on yourself Rosanne...we've all been there and have had bad days or even bad weeks...but at 5 yrs old they know how to manipulate...it's better to be firm than always give in...otherwise she will just end up eing irritating...and you want to enjoy her...she is being spiteful yes....but at 5 yrs old they do try to get away with things...she is testing you...they all do it...but stay firm...ok so you had to raise your voice...this will make her think twice...just stay consistant and do not give in...I know it's hard not to...but you will be better off in the long run...for both you and for her....as far as your ex is concerned...tell him to mind his own damn business and explain to your daughter that you are discipling her...not being mean or having a temper tantrum....hang in there....it will get better. 
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Been there, done that. Don't be so hard on yourself. Children need to be disiplined. We all have times when our tempers flair and we may yell. As far as your ex is concerned, he is an ex for a reason. lol
Take care and things will get better.
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Absolutely do feel that way! My gs is with me but visits his dad several times a week. Anytime things do not go his way (he is 4) he screams for "his daddy." My thought process in those moments goes like this. "That d---- man cannot keep an apartment, has had this child in the homeless shelter and would be living on the streets with him if not for us, and I am the one getting screamed at by a four year old because I have (pick one: said no, put him in time out for something, raised my voice to make it clear he is not allowed to do something hurtful or dangerous, just plain lost it because I am exhausted from dealing with homeless father, addicted mother and child in these my "golden years") So yes, I have been there and I am sure I will be again, but all each of us can do is our best in that moment and then move on. Please, forgive yourself. Make amends if you need to and tomorrow will be a better day!
As for the ex- is it his grandchild too? Why isn't he supporting instead of criticizing? (oh, yeah, that's why they are exes!) Sending you thoughts of strength and patience!
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I think the hardest part of grandparenting is handling the kids after they have been influenced by the parents. When we took our grandson in, he had been literally brainwashed by bio dad and whacko stepmom telling him we were no good and he shouldn't listen to us. It took awhile to work that out. Sounds like it is good your ex is your ex....what a jerk! Try and talk to gd when she comes to your house and tell her you need to have certain rules. If she obeys the rules, reward her with something she likes to do like bake cookies, go to the park, whatever. You need to establish that it will be a pleasant experience for her to come to your house. Personally, I think she will respond to the structure you give her. Please don't take any of it personally. I tell my grandkids, and my daughter, "what happens at grammy's house, stays at grammy's house". Stop beating yourself up and make the way to enjoy your gd. You're allowing yourself to be intimidated by your ex and your daughter. Don't let them. You probably have more love to give the child than all of them combined!
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I can`t thank you all enough for the replies. The support means so much to me. I feel so all alone so very much of the time.
I know kids always test but I guess maybe I may be giving in too much at times to make her want to be here . Geez these kids may be too smart for us. She may actually be picking up on this. Anyway, she is here for about 4 days a week till school starts in Sept. then I may only see her 1 or 2 days a week for a short time. I`am still not sure of how to handle her when she pull the I want to be with my mommy or daddy but hopefully I will figure it out. Thank goodness for this wonderful support group! Hugs! Rosanne
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she may be testing you on the mommy situation also. She may not be aware she is testing. However, even tho I have a great relationship with my daughter, her two girls will say: "I wish Mom was here". I always respond: "I know you do and she'll be home soon". They need reassurance that everyone in their lives will be there.
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I have had a bad week and know that I haven'tbeen the best example for my gd. I haven't been feeling well for most of the summer and then the doctoe put me on some new meds and they made me really sick. I was so dizzy that I could stand for more than a couple of minutes and nausua and I stopped taking the meds it still took a couple of days before I started feeling better. I was exhausted and the worse part is there was NO ONE who could help out and watch K for awhile so I could get feeling better.
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