Gay Men's Challenges Support Group

Welcome to being "out". I recently outed myself to my children and a couple other people. I don't have alot of friends either..other than online friends. I don't drink, go to clubs, bars or adult bookstores so I know how you feel about where to meet men. I placed an ad and got a few dates. I will warn to be very careful when and if you place an ad. Always meet the guy in a public place with lots of people around. Don't give out too much personal information and tell someone where you are going. Email the person a few times before giving out your phone number. Don't send any photos. Like I said you have to be very careful, keep your wits about you. I wish you the best. If you ever wanna talk you can message me here.

Hi:

Try reframing your experience. Instead of thinking , "I don't have many friends" say "I don't have many friends and the world is full of people I've yet to meet." Try to balance negative thoughts with a positive corollary.

In terms of meeting people, instead of delving straight into dating, try placing yourself in a situation to meet people and to cultivate friendships. Possibly in these environments you'll find individuals with whom you might want to cultivate an intimate relationship.

Consider joining or connecting with a Gay Men's Support group or do some volunteer work at a social services agency catering to LGBTQ needs. Again, the opportunities to network will increase and the pressure to find a boyfriend won't compound your anxiety.

You've made a giant leap in coming out. Try to exhale and enjoy the experience of freedom. Also spend a little time learning more about yourself. Being introverted shouldn't be a problem--it's simply a personality type. However, being a recluse and/or being afraid of people might be something to examine in therapy.

Hi there. I'm an introvert, too, and probably a bigger introvert than you are. I feel very uncomfortable hanging out with groups of people. Sometimes I don't know what to talk about. Also, I feel like I can be myself more easily when I am dealing with someone else one-on-one. I have hardly been to any parties my entire life. I don't have a lot of friends, maybe 5 or 6 max. However, I feel like I can be myself around these people (I usually deal with them one-on-one) and I like that. I have a lot of social anxiety. I especially hate trying to chat with someone I've never met before--that's why I stay away from parties.

I'm 36 and I've never had a steady boyfriend. I do have a best friend (another gay man) that I live with. He is 50-something, and I really treasure him as a friend. However, I'm not really attracted to him physically, which I told him and it was very hard for me to say. He has accepted that. We hug each other all the time though--he is kind of like a father to me. However, it would be nice to have a sexual relationship with another gay man. I totally agree with 2earlyriser's comments below. Be careful! Some of these gay guys out there are bad news. I try to get to know people gradually, although I have had flings with other gay men, especially during my 20's.

But, actually, I prefer introverts. Introverts may not be as talkative, but often there is a lot going on beneath the surface--they sometimes have a lot of emotional depth that other people lack. And they're not trying to put on a show for others; they're just being themselves, which takes a lot of courage in a very social world. Would like to add you as a friend. -Matt