What is Gastric Bypass Surgery
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight as fatty tis...
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Marriage Life after Gastric Bypass
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I have been married for almost 20 years now, to the same man. I started gaining weight after we were married and eventually ended up about 180 pounds over-weight. This past January, I had gastric bypass. I have lost 112 pounds in the past 6 months.
Now for the issue. The past few years of my marriage, our sex life started to deteriorate to the point where it was non-existent. I felt in the past few years of my marriage that my husband no longer loved me and he certainly did not want me sexually. The last attempt I had made to have sex before my surgery, I was refused. I was very hurt and became angry, within myself. I told myself that I would never have sex with him again. Since I have lost 110 pounds, suddenly my husband is more talkative to me; he acts as if he cares about me, and has attempted to be close with me. I don’t know what to do. I am still bitter about the way he treated me all that time. Should I let the past be the past and move on and live life as normal again, or stay cold and just hate the fact that he did that to me? Any opinions are welcomed. Thanks. Posted on 07/03/09, 11:07 pm |
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I have been married for 28 yrs and I have to admit that my sex life before surgery was a lot different than it is now (5 months out). If this is the worst thing that your husband did in almost 20 yrs than you are very lucky. Marriage is like a full time job, you have to work at it and not just throw it away when things don't go right. Be happy with your new body and be happy yourself. 
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Here is the issue, do you love him? I weighed 350 preop. My husband was still having sex with me at that point, but it sucked for many reasons. Now I am at 177 and sex is great and we have much more. I could be angry with him for that but I am not. I did not want to have sex with anyone when I weighed 350. Really can't expect him to feel differently. My husband loved me before and after, maybe he wants me more now, but I know the level of love and devotion is unchanged. So back to my original question. Do you love him? Because, new relationships postop are just as hard as our current ones. Emotionally we are on a roller coaster and physically, well after 180 pounds of weightloss, my body is a mess to look at. Loose skin everywhere...So, life is a series of trade-offs. Only you can decide what is worth what.
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Hi,
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whoops!. Hi Rabbit, much insightful advice here. I am so impressed with it all and some of the advice I too could of written what LeslieLin wrote. Just wanted to say everything is in flux for both of you. I pray you two can grow through it together.
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Wow, I have also felt this way,the comments are so interesting and insightfull! My 2 cents? I went to a retreat a few yrs back and this same cituation came up. The lecturer put an answer out to us in a odd way and at first I have to admit that I didn't understand. She Said "A marrige is like an olk tree with lots of branches, sometime when you climb the tree and sit for a while til the branch will brake, sometimes it holds you both until you find that you need a change and you move onto another branch"
This always stays with me when times get tuff. Keep going forward I say, and find that happiness again.
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