Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

You've heard the term from the military perspective. It refers to damage and casualties in addition to that damage intended for the actual target.

But, have you thought about the "collateral damage" a compulsive gambler leaves behind?

Have you noticed how people come into these rooms in misery, telling us of how bad they feel, how discouraged they are, how confusing it all is for them, how they gotta find a way out of this mess, how they simply cannot continue as they've been going? Did you notice that all of this is about themselves? Most of them are not even aware of the damage they're doing around them. I certainly wasn't thinking of anyone else or what my addiction was doing to destroy their lives as well as my own. No, it was all about me, me, me.....my feelings.....my desires.......my suffering. When I was active in my addiction it was all about me and recovery didn't change it. It remained all about me. Amazingly, I'd have told you that, deep inside, I'm a caring, loving person....I'd never do anything to harm my loved ones.....my family and friends are important to me........But my disease overwhelmed all of that......I was sick, very sick, so sick I didn't realize how sick I'd become.

Eventually, once we manage to stop, the fog clears a bit. We begin to see some of the havoc we've caused. Usually, this begins with the spouse.....this is usually where the greatest betrayal has occured...... that special person that we swore to love, cherish, protect.......we've neglected our most sacred vows to that most trusted of all our relations. Then we often assume, that since we've said "sorry", that all the damage is repaired and we're astounded that our spouse doesn't jump in to stroke and coddle us and "make me feel good again" Yep, selfish....it's still all about me, me, me.....and how I feel.

What about the kids? What about the missed soccer games while I was in the casino? What about the neglect of what is going on in their lives, while I was gripped by my obsession? What about the things they deserve that I now can't afford cause all the money is lost in a machine? What about the impatience, the bad moods that they don't understand, the fights in the home because of my habit? What about the fear and insecurity those kids are forced to live with, wondering if their parents, their family, their home, are going to still be there tomorrow? Kids, as we know, are not stupid. We might like to pretend that all of this isn't true in our case......but, inside, we know it's true. The kids know that something is wrong......and they're suffering because of it.

What about the rest of our family? Our parents? Try to imagine how it must feel to watch helplessly as your son or daughter destroys themself in front of your eyes. What about your siblings? Would you like to see your brother or sister self-destruct and not be able to help..... not know what to do but sit helplessly and watch them fall into the abyss?

How about your employer? your co-workers? your business partners? your customers?.....These people all got involved with you because you possessed certain qualities, certain skills, certain morals and ethics.......because they could trust you to be a part of their lives, careers, and livelihoods. Compulsive gambling changes people, and seldom are these changes for the better. I can tell you for sure that, when gambling, I didn't keep up my end of the bargain......those people that trusted and depended upon me for my best effort......I cheated them. I was more focused, again, on me, me, me. I harmed them.

How about the recovery centers, the doctors and psychiatrists, the counselors and therapists.......all those people and all that money that it's gonna take to put me back together again? Who is going to pay that bill? What about the handicapped, the sick, the mentally unstable, the crippled and the blind who really need those social services? Are they going without because of my bad choices?

For some, this gambling highway ends at the gates of a prison or institution........who pays for that? Yep, all of society....... people who share no guilt, but are punished nonetheless, for another person's behavior.

......and there's the banks, the mortgage companies, the credit card companies, the utilities I cannot pay, so many places where I owe so much money .......Yeah, I kow, those banks and such aren't very good people anyhow. Maybe they deserve it. But I gave my word.......

Oh yes, my friends, we leave a sad trail of destruction and wreckage behind us. We harm ourselves.........and our "collateral damage" does harm also........often, more than we realize or care to admit.

How many times have I justified my behavior, "It's my money, I'll do as I choose with it."? ........Too many times.
It's not just about me, me, me.
Posted on 11/08/09, 11:11 pm