Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Wow. I am am wife too...except unlike others who have posted to the dicussion I am the CG. My husband has put his trust in me that the bills will get paid, and what drove me to this site is the last Friday I finally had to admit to him that the only way we can rebound financially is the file bankruptcy. I am convinced that if he were go ge the last six months or so of our bank statments he woud probably leave me and take my kids. I rationalized all my bad habits by saying that because I am the breadwinner I can do what I want with our finances. He trusted me completely and I betrayed him. Even our our latest discussion where he threatened to leave me and take my kids, I gambled again. Can you believe that? I make very good money, and we do not have one brown cent in our savings. I get by from pay check to pay check using pay day loans that ulitmately cost a fortune. I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT let this ruin me and my family completely. I have to stop. Speaking from the spouse who is the CG I will say that at times I viewed gambling as a way to meet "small" financial short falls. If I could be 6 months free of gambling most of we could probably return to a positive cash flow. Fortunately I think I'm getting control of this addicition before it costs me my job. The reality that I could lose my career and family over this addiction did not set in until two weeks ago when a bill collector called my employer. My employer was courtesy and did not ask me to divulge the nature of the call...he kindly said the Law of Office of XXXX called and asked that you return the call. Since then I have been stressed and worried so much that I literally thought (as indicated in a post) that I was going to have a heart attack. I'm away on business travel for a couple of days, my husband has not answered the phone when I have tried to call....when this happens I'm always worried that he has decided to get copies of our bank statements and exposed my spending. As the spouses, specifically wives of a CG and I'm wondering if your advice to me as a "wife" who is a CG would be for me to come clean and tell my husband the extent of my gambling. The last time I was nearly honest I told my husband that I had gambled more than $15,000 in a year, probably under estimated and he forgave me. For over a year I for the most part resisted the urge to gamble and rebounded somewhat financial. Now in the past few months I have again lost thousands of $$. Our credit is ruined, mine and his because he trusted me the manage the finance. Do you think my husband will leave me if I tell him the truth.

wow...thanks guys.. yes i believe there is abuse in this home.. and i am addressing it with a counselor.. and the info on sweeteners is great im gong to quit them today .. i am spitting fiery mad this am .. i found an e mail for a verification of a deposit and i am sorry but YES i Did open it ...and 20$more dollars gone!!!.. i canceled an appt at the health dept today to see a Dr to save 20$.. and i find out it just got blown anyway .. and i also noticed there is an e mail in my name set up.. that i never set up...is there anything i need to know about people setting up gambling accts and gambling in my name??i don't care if i was snooping.. if there was any trust left i wouldn't half to...and i am hopping mad at being lied to again! i may look into those shelters.. its getting to the point of what do i have left to lose anyway

Hi Gingye, I read thru your post and the replies this morning. This caught my eye: "i also noticed there is an e mail in my name set up.. that i never set up...is there anything i need to know about people setting up gambling accts and gambling in my name??"


YES, there are things you need to know and DO!!! If your name is being used in an email, it is possible that credit has been taken out in your name as well.


Check YOUR credit history free at this site: https://www.annualcreditreport.com... It allows you one free credit check each year. If you request the report via email, it gives you immediate view of your credit. DO IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.


If credit has been taken out in your name, you'll see it. Contact the credit card companies as soon as possible to let them know you did not open those accounts.


I know about his because my husband of 16 years began taking credit out in my name fraudulently after ruining his own. He is an on-line poker player and also frequent visitor of casinos and home table games. I did not know for a long time.


He is self-employed; he would come home during the day to pick up the mail before I got home from work. He would mail the minimum balance to the credit card companies and then throw away the monthly bill. This went on for some time.


From your post I know you do not work. But, if at all possible, see how much a PO Box at the post office is and save up to have a PO Box opened and redirect your and husbands mail there. Hopefully, you have transportation, if so you can start picking up the mail to see what is coming in.


In my state we have a law for married couples called “Dissipation of Marital Assets” (may be helpful toward debts which have incurred since the marriage that has gone toward gambling). Contact Legal Aid, or an attorney who does pro bono work, or gives free consultation, to talk about your situation.


Meet with your bank, explain your CG spouses situation (banks are very understanding… they have seen this problem grow exponentially over the past couple of years… they may be able to advise).


If your spouse is physically, emotionally and/or mentally abusive (which is definitely correct of the latter two) find a domestic abuse shelter. Talk with them about your situation... They will advise and put you in touch with local organizations that can further help.


You may FEEL that you cannot do this, or that your situation is not as bad as you think... IT IS BAD. It will continue to worsen.


Contact/join an Gamanon group in your area. Here is a link to Gamanon's site: http://www.gam-anon.org - call the number for your area... they care, they will send you material.


Hard decisions lie ahead. But you will face a much harder situation if something is not done now. Realize you DO have a choice.


Loving someone does not mean you have to go down the tube with them. Sometimes loving someone means stepping aside so they can fall on their own and learn to get up on their own; or cry out to One Who can help them back on their feet.


After 10 years of steady gambling, my husband made a decision earlier this year to leave. It was his home for 20 years, he left behind pretty much everything: home, land, and family. He took whatever fit into his truck: some clothes, his laptop, the reclyner, the bed, and a cedar chest.


This is a very good site. There are many people here who know what you are going thru.


My heart goes out to you. debby

thanks everyone, thanks debby.. the credit in both our names is already ruined.. as is my rental history.. not a gambling thing but i broke tow leases to move in with him before we were married two different times.. i tried confronting this weekend and i was told i am abusive.. and that i betrayed him by looking at his e mail.. and basically that he was simply done with me...it was a very very long weekend.. then Monday morn.. its as if none of it happened.. i did have to listen t a long list of what he finds unacceptable abut me.. but i know now he will never ever ever admit his fault except in general terms and by saying.. well we both have issues.. we both this we both that .. its hopeless. i do have to think this thru.. thanks for being there.. o i did call a shelter.. but they didn't seem to think this was abusive?? the girl kept putting me on hold.. i guess that's not the answer..im just going to stick with the plan to get a job

Hi gingye.
WEll I read all the discussion entries on this thread.. Wowsers some good reads.. Thanks Ladies.
I am a compulsive gambler.. and for me:
I needed to be confronted, stopped in my tracks.As long as I could hood wink my spouse I did it. I lost respect for HIm and I.
This is an illness/disease, and will bankrupt in a NEW YORK SECOND.
It does't matter what 'gender, or High in STatus in Commuinity.. It will rob, rape and 'leave all in a lump of 'clay.
The Good thing about Clay , is ': it can be molded anew ; but someone has to add the ''hands and water.. lol..
computers are a wonderful technolgy.. saddly a place to gamble also..
But 'gambling sites require 'credit cards.
and Venues don't take food stamps..or buy our junk..so we can place a bet.
Gosh I would not have had to do yard sales eh?
HOw I sold, pawned, borrowed, stole monies to 'further my bets.. As long as I could get away with my smooth LIes.. I did..
BEing Cruel to Be Kind is not a New SAying it has been around ''a zillion years.
The hardest was learning how to be 'Kind in 'being 'Cruel which guilt stops.

For me.
When I 'started Recovery , not only did I have a committment to stop on a daily basis.
I had an assingment of committing to my relationship.
NO committment no ''notten..
Marriage is a Committment. NO Committment no marriage, it's just a legal paper and a ceramony church event .
Honestly 'when I started my Recovery, I did not love anyone. I did not love myself.
I said I Love you .. but it was Lip Service during my gambling and after.
When I learned to love myself again I 'was free to show, give Love and Mean it when I said it.
I Know from past experiences of being on the receiving end of a marriage with alcohol addiciton. I 'was the enabler then.
Alanon saved my Life. I had to get help or Die .
It did not save my Marriage. ; but it led me out of abuse. Neglect is Abuse. I suffered physical and verbal abuse at the hands of LIes that I believed.
IN my Gambing I did what 'was done to me except I did not verbally or physically abuse my spouse.
But what I did in 'behaviours 'was just as bad. I used his memory lapses. His stashes I stole from him . Avoided talking, skirted all issues. Only told half truths. Just to get him off my back or away from the Subject I was guilty of..
All a smoke screen. and if it works 'I worked it.
For me < I 'gambled and 'I could lie , cuz I could dismiss on a bet .
When money ran out. I would 'apologise. ; but given a new payday. BAck to the LIes.
As long as I could convince my hubby , I
ketp gambling.
When I stopped ..I hated myself so bad .. I was sick , sick enough to 'reach out for help.
I am glad my spouse 'finally got 'strong, got healthy and ''confronted me.. and would not let me 'skirt, avoid, or dismiss him .
That 'was the DAy I learned to Respect HIM again.
Committment is 'a two way 'decision.
One cannot make a marriage. or hold it together , it may look good, but , Denial sure is one strong LIE>
Thats my thoughts for now..
Please get help, For YOU. not HIm.. 'Let the gambler get his own help. As long as you are getting help for him,, he gets sicker.
Like I was told in Alanon , the whole family gets sick.. Amen. was true for me.
We all had roles friends, family etc.
Sandra gams5.

Gingye: I'm the wife of a gambling addict and I've been going through this for over two years now (I know it's longer but my head was in the sand while this BS was going on). It's the most difficult time of my life right now as my finances are in dire straights. We're on the brink of divorce and have two daughters who are torn up by this. Not to mention I'm about to uproot them to a different city and state which will cause God knows what kind of emotional distress for them (with leaving their friends). I work full-time and I'm just trying to make sure our bills are paid. We have our house up for sale to pay back so much debt. I just took over handling the finances once and for all, although my husband is against it, but I couldn't care any less about his feelings at this point. My advice to you is to do the same thing. Make sure your money is protected at all costs. Too bad for your husband if he doesnt' like it. You've got to think about yourself (and if you have kids) and try to make sure your responsilities are met. Gambling is nothing less than evil and it will suck the life out of you if you let it. DON'T. Be strong. You can do it. Right now, it takes every ounce of energy to get my head off the pillow every morning but I refuse to let this beat me and I hope you do the same. Take care!

i wish i could take over the finances.. but the only chking acct is in his name.. and the password is changed. and since my name isnt on it ..i have no power over it at the bank..til i get a job and put money in my own acct im out of the $ thing..and at this point the casinos have the acct info saved he doesn't need the card or anything else.. they already have it.. just one click and he is there.. yesterday he stepped away from the computer and didn't realize i guess he had left up one of his pay places..i didn't say anything i just clicked print...i saw that he did stop using this certain place for a few weeks..Oct 21 was the last deposit.. doesn't mean he didn't use anothe rone.. but he had gambled Nov 9, 10 and 11...he was actually processing a deposit after we had spent 4 hours at crisis ministries getting help to pay the power bill and they gave us a bunch of food too..i was in awe.. i gave him the paper and didn't say anything at all.. he said what do you think you see?..i was like i know !!! what i see.. over 50$ and 20$ of that day .. what in the world goes on here??i have to admit to get back at him i had two beers.. he hates it if i have more than one... and i just couldn't talk about it ...today he told our family counselor he needed help.. which is great .. but he actually got sick after and said he doesn't ever want to have a one on one meeting with this guy again.. i told him his addiction was working on him ...he went to bed..i have no idea if there is any money in that acct left .. but i think and hope the card they give you for unemployment doesn't process gambling!! and thank god you cant use a food stamp card.. we are on those too..ok im done ranting..im so glad you all are here

gingye
I too am dealing with this , Its really hard to talk to family or friends about this issue , they just dont get it , but I dont either , I think he has been doing this way before we got married , I am so tired of being lies and the stories that he isnt doing it but its pretty bad !! only thing i can say after 13 years dont beleive anything he says
sorry