What is Gambling Addiction
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as f...
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'After The Cycle of Action Mode Stopped.
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Hi All am a compulsive gambler..
'Today "I" enjoy the 'fact that 'gambling has stopped. 'I Denied the Facts for a long time. It was not until 'debt'. Self hate..Total Disappointment in my self , and loss of all 'that was important to me 'that "I" finally awoke to knowing "I" need help in coping with stopping. I went and reached out to G.A. Once I 'came clean and fessed up to all of my misdeeds ', only then 'was the weight lifted. That heavy 'secretive head space 'emotional wreakage of a lost person. I disliked fooling, manipulating, conjoling,lieing , selling , pawning all of what 'was dear to me. 'But 'when in Action Mode. "I" did not care. It was tossed to the Wind. And come a Win ''all would be forgotten and "I" would HAVE A CLEAN SLATE'. My Mind that 'was constantly in my mind. The Win Would save Face. ' 'Well The win always 'was money to wager some more. ONce my Cycle 'of Action mode started , it did not end til Alllll monies spent 'and future finances 'borrowed. I say Future because 'any credit card was money borrowed against tomorrow earnings. I lived in the Past, and Borrowed from the Future. (no wonder the 24 hour concept of G.A was so vital in my Recovery from gambling. ) 'The Actual Bet was never as 'devastating as the 'Excitment to 'get to the Bet..And then the chasing after the Bet.. That , going from one 'account to put in another the ''juggling of 'food /bills to pretend all was well. The Game of the Cycle was fast paced. It was frantic. It was a frenzy of 'lies, excuses.alibis. All things 'that required a smattering of the Truth. 'Most questions were not fully answered because the right one 'was never asked. (in the end they 'were'asked.Confrontation of ''Where? How? and Why?..). The Cycle 'was and is my most 'fearful experience of gambling. That is where the Truth. becomes distorted. I lose 'Me'. I 'willingly Each Day give up that Cycle. I do so ..By not 'tempting, testing myself with thoughts.. fantancies. inklings, of just maybe that $20.00 can buy me ''a Win''. to be Happy. 'That part of me Died 'in my 3rd year of not gambling. Finally that 'wee voice faded out. No more to 'be listenned to. With 'reading, writing, attending all that would help me in my Recovery Process I 'slowly kept walking away from that Cycle. I found 'new hobbies.. I reunited with family, I took up schooling (never too old to learn for me) found more work. Sometimes '3 part-time jobs. (quit 2 jobs due to it interferred with my gambling outings). I found new friends..I 'got back with old ones spanning years. Slowly , Ever So Slowly,, I 'walked.. Somedays it seemed I crawled in emotional garbage . So I had to sort out.. Dump.. Vent.. to go forward. Friends that I could trust. Mostly Women Friends. As 'I had only one man to be intimate with and 'he ' was the one ''who stuck by me in my worst days and needed my Honesty in Restoring that 'relationship so vital to any Coupling. Communication. Amen . As they SAy ..First things First. 'I continue to confront any 'thoughts that a sighting, sensory perception triggers a response of my cg mind. I play those tapes of 'Remember when. CONSEQUENCES well learned . ONE BET WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH. The BRINKS EITHER..lol.. or Wells FArgo.. 'I am a compulsive gambler and ''MONEY WAS MY DRUG TO FUEL A WAGER. 'Today .. I do not carry large amounts.I use an atm card. I am accountable to spouse. 'I have one debt left from gambling. A line of Credit . I did not go bankrupsty.. almost ; but got mad , got ''2 more jobs. Slowly.. it gets paid from a time "I spent Future monies with 'that warped thinking of 'I can pay it off with a Win.. The Cycle never let me.. It was Crazy..I 'was Crazy and lived in Chaos and Drama.. 'Not Today.. I keep that Cycle from being ignited by : no BEts.. none , nodda. zilch..zip.. Just For Today.. ''Amen. And I believe in a POWER.. A HIGHER POWER. Together 'WE work as a team. ''Amen. Be Well.. Your Friend.. Sandra gams5. Last Bet.. June 04/02. Amen.. Posted on 10/21/09, 10:10 am |
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I can not believe that I allowed myself to become something I was not. I am and was smarter than that. I wasted a lot of time and vaulable resources and have nothing to show for it. I am in debt lost my career have criminal charges all for a bet. It is hard to live with the damage that I have done. I hate my past and work hard to try and control the future. I find it hard to explain actions to so many who do not have nor understand the gamblers mind. I enjoyed seeing your posting. I am glad you have worked on being the best you can with it gone out of your life. I hope to experiences that as well. Great JOB 
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Great entry gams......thanks for sharing with us...... seems to have worked same way as for you as it worked for me.......gambling leads to chaos and misery....... stopping gambling begins cycle of recovery instead fo cycle of insanity...... reaching out for help keeps cycle of recovery active and life gets better.......can't do it alone....... requires effort "on my part".......never alone, HP always available.
Early in recovery people with multiple years free of addiction told me that it worked for them....... made me believe it could work for me also....... gave me hope, at a time when all seemed so hopeless. Hugs, thks again sister.
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I hope that I can get to the level that you are at and have that inner strenth that I know I have help me to stop. You have achieved what so many people want to do....I want to be set free of this addiction as well I know that I try to do one day at a time. Thank you for sharing. Blessings
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