Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Hi Mel,
That's a tough one....... it sure complicates things, eh?
I know the answer. It is simply to realize that YOU gotta stop for YOU, and your spouse has nothing to do with it. Your recovery is about you, not about him or what he chooses to do.
Now, having said that, I'll be the first to admit that it's not that easy..... it's simple, but it's not easy. In relationships we allow our lives to become entangled, dependant....... we find it very difficult to detach ourselves from the spouse and their issues and simply focus on our own recovery.
Why should I stop gambling if he's only gonna waste all the money anyhow? Why should I sit home alone when he's out at the casino having a good time? Why should I bother to try to improve myself when all he does is criticize and laugh at me for my efforts? I love him, I'm afraid that I'll lose him if I split up the gambling aspect of our relationship.......it's our "fun time" together.
Sometimes relationships survive recovery, other times they don't. I don't think there's any established set of rules governing it.
As a compulsive gambler, I do know that a million various ideas and thoughts bounce about inside my head early in recovery. I've heard it described as "the racing mind of the addict"......what about this? what about that? what if? I worry and fret about a thousand things that may or may not happen...... and it doesn't do me a bit of good. I've gotta learn to stay in the moment, deal with one problem, one solution, at a time.....and most importantly..... just for today, do not gamble.

Hi and Welcome to Daily Strength!

You have come to a great place for support and inspiration...

Your post really resonates with me because I was in the same place you were 21 months ago. My bf and I were both gamblers...it was "our thing we did together"...and it was destroying me.

The good news is that I am gamble free for these 21 months....in spite of him NOT quitting. I have learned that if there is one thing worse than one active CG in a relationship...it is 2 active CGs in a relationship! Although there have been tough times, it is actually way better than it was before...because I am better. He has even made several attempts to quit since I did, and the periods he wasn't gambling were definitely much, much better. Any time in recovery is better than no time!

At first, he resented my stopping gambling. We were "partners" and if one of us was out of money, the other "helped" out. Some help!We spent uncounted hours up all night at local casinos...our "entertainment".

He tried to sabotage my efforts to quit by talking about gambling, putting gambling programs on TV, going out to gamble without me,etc etc etc. He definitely did not want me to quit gambling!

I had to make it clear I did not want to be subjected to this kind of temptation from him because I was serious. I got angry when he tried his manipulations and he gave up when he saw I wasn't having it!

I came to this site every day for support and I have been helped so much. The worst times at first were when I knew he was out gambling. I was resentful, angry, and even envious that he was out there and I was not....but I knew I had to quit or be destroyed, and I chose recovery instead of self-destruction!

He typically gambles now when I am at work, so it isn't "in my face" anymore. He doesn't disappear for all-night gambling sessions because I won't allow it....a "healthy limit" I set.

I am aware that his gambling is still on a progressive course...and I limit access to my funds by not bringing home cash. We have no joint accounts. I do this to protect myself....and to protect him from temptation. I have LifeLock that would let me know if anyone tried to open credit accounts in my name....Compulsive gambling is a progressive disease that gets worse with time....and the gambler may resort to depths of behavior to get money to gamble down the line they never would have believed possible of themselves.

Perhaps it would be easier to end our relationship, and that may happen some day. For now, I still have hope for him!

I can tell you with certainty that it is possible to quit without your partner quitting, because I have done it....and we are still together....and our relationship has even gotten better, as I have become healthier and have learned to set healthier limits. Shockingly, he has responded to my healthier limits!

It was very helpful for me to come online and chat with other recovering CGs at times...you can come here, as well as to a site called Safe Harbor at sfcghub.com, where there is an active chat room for compulsive gamblers.

Writing journals and reading and commenting on those of others has been of great value. The sense of community I have with people here was been of great value in fighting urges as well. I could not do this alone, I owe it to the wonderful people here.

I can tell you that recovery is truly possible, with or without your bf quitting. My life is so so much better today, 21 months after ending the madness I was living in with gambling. I was on the brink of losing everything, my business, home, and facing pain and humiliation I could not bear.
That is all gone now, and I am working toward recovery financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Gone is the shame, guilt, fear, and despair I lived with daily.

I still have my bad times as well as good....but every day I have spent NOT gambling has been better than when I WAS gambling.

Wishing you great strength and hope on your journey.....and just one more thing....

What has made it possible is that I only have to do this for today...only thinking about today..."one day at a time".

Just for today, I will not gamble.

:-)

Wow DianneE you are awesome. I tried to quit when my ex was gambling and went to GA alone but I didn't have the incentive I guess because I folded in six months. You are truly an inspiration to all.