Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Canterville, all of the above. It's always been hard for me to confront pain. Not physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain. Maybe I'm different from other compulsive gamblers, but I don't think so. Addicts in general cry out for help, while at the same time pushing help away. In many ways I resented the fact that no one would confront me about my unhappiness, but how could they? I put a what I thought, was a pretty good front. To do that I lied a lot. I resented the fact that others believed my lies, for however weird that might sound. If you're trying to crawl into a compulsive gamblers mind, you can't. Just like you can't crawl into anyone's mind. I'd like to tell you a light went off, and voila! Or that a ton of bricks fell on my head, they didn't. I got to a point where I was deathly afraid of how I felt inside, I was sure I was going insane. But we're all different. Some people are afraid of going to prison as a result of gambling, it happens. Some people contemplate suicide, I did, but I didn't want to leave my kids with an act as cruel as that. Of course the money problems I created were tormenting me, I thought I was beyond selfish. I know for sure until I was ready to change, no one could help me. It's that way for all addicts, or people with mental and emotional issues, not just the compulsive gambler. There isn't one sign that an individual is addicted to gambling, no one can tell someone else that they are an addict. Only the individual knows that. Not everyone hides the gambling, many compulsive gamblers I've met didn't care who knew what they were doing to themselves, as if it was anyone's business. I even heard a few women say they wished their husbands would DIE so they could collect the insurance money. How sad and sick is that? It's a disease of the mind. Some compulsive gamblers lose everything they have, some not as much. The addiction is the same, it's an addiction to gambling. We're all individuals, so how we ended up addicted, and what we're doing now to lead be better lives is going to be different. It's a lovely journey, recovery is learning a better way of living with ourselves and others. I believe if we were to self-destruct, we wouldn't be alive, rather it was a road to self destruction. Hope I made some sense, it's hard to rip my heart out, but I'm willing to do so, if I think I can help someone else.