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My Husband has a gambling problem
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I Have been dealing with my husband's gambling addiction for over 2 years now. A part of me thought it was done and over with but when christmas eve came around and i found him gambling again while i was left at work i realized i had to do something for me and our 3 daughters. I love him with all my heart but we are loosing everything, bills our rental house ( i left after christmas with our girls and stayed with family hoping that would help things) just not sure what to do anymore.

I have recently got on my own with only my income and got my own place and he is now living here with us but i still keep thinking how do i know things will get better. He really wants to get better. We are starting our first meeting for GA at a local church. This will be a weekly meeting.
I hope i am doing the right thing. I love him with all my heart and i dont want to loose my family he is a great dad and husband he just has a real bad addiction.

When we talk i mention things that need to be done and he is willing to do them so ....

any advise on how i can help at all... i know this has to be something he has to do himself.
Posted on 01/11/09, 02:36 pm
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Reminder: This is a support group for Gambling Addiction & Recovery. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

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Reply #1 - 01/11/09  8:49pm
" Quigley, hi. I thought I sent a reply to you earlier, but I guess it did not go thru. I am glad you found this site... it has been a tremendous help to me since late October... I really thought I had lost it. The people here are caring people who understand how caustic and destructive gambling is to the compulsive gambler (CG) and to his/her the loved ones.

I am a wife of a compulsive gambler.

I cannot express how glad I am that your hubby has admitted to having a gambling problem and has agreed to go to GA meetings starting next week. Those are two huge and gigantic steps for him.

I was a confused, enabling wife, who had buried her head in the sand when I came here. It is taking a while, but things are becoming less foggy for me.

I think you have a lot of courage for taking the firm step you took in December for you and your children. I realized too late that gambling is no respecter of persons... it doesn't care about age, race, religion, gender, loved ones or strangers.

I hope you continue to stop in at this site and stay connected... folks here care, they are encouraging, and they bring a touch of reality to an otherwise a surreal existence for the CG and in your case the loved one of a CG. So glad to meet you. "
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Reply #2 - 01/11/09  10:25pm
" thank you very much! I have been dealing with this for over 2 years now and somedays i just dont know what to do. I hope and pray things get better. I know he needs my support and i will there as much as i can but like most have said to me "he needs to want to help himself"

I will keep in touch and let you know how our meeting goes tomorrow night.

Have a good night and take care :)

x Crystal "
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Reply #3 - 01/12/09  12:08am
" gambling addiction is the most difficult addiction to get it under sontrol. a person with this kind of addiction cannot do it alone. your husband needs your support and go to GA meeting religeously. also he can no longer control your family finance anymore.

we don't know what his status is? is he willing to go to GA willingly or was forced?
there are many personal gambling addiction story here which i found very useful, may be you can print some out and let him read. "
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Reply #4 - 01/12/09  9:57am
" Thanks everyone for your information. I feel that i need the meeting for myself too because i need to understand why this is happening and maybe there is more that i can do, something that im not doing now. if i go tonight and notice this is something he should be doing on his own i will not attend future meetings. maybe what i need is a counsellor?

He is definetley willing to go to meetings. i just was the one to find a local one. as we can not afford a counsellor as they are over 100/hour.
He was on here last night ready some stories. he is definetly wanting to join this group.

Thanks "
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Reply #5 - 01/12/09  4:00pm
" Hi QuigleyC..WElcome ..
I hope Your Hubby joins 'DS. '
Be well sanr. "
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Reply #6 - 01/12/09  5:36pm
" >>He was on here last night ready some stories. he is definetly wanting to join this group.

Thank you for letting us know.
make sure he knows that under each person's profile, there is JORNAL section which contains more story maybe he can relate to. "
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Reply #7 - 01/14/09  12:17am
" Dear Quigley,
I am also married to a CG. His gambling has been a problem for over 2 years now. I, like you, have children. We have ALL suffered such an extreme loss. In our case, my husband has lost over $75,000 in gambling debt. He has declared Bankruptcy, we've added a 2nd mortgage on the house, etc...There are NO WORDS to describe the amount of suffering my children and I have been through. Anybody who is involved with a CG can relate to that statement. This "disease" robs you of everything. My husband has shown that he cannot get a handle on it and has gone to great lengths to feed his addiction. He has opened credit in my name, he has emptied his 401K, etc...I fear what else he might be willing to do. He also has said time and time again that he wants help. He has said that he would be willing to try anything. He has been to GA meetings, has had sessions with counselors and psychiatrists, and has allowed me to take over the finances. He has even joined this site. However, it is never long before he falls off the wagon again and finds new inventive ways to gamble. It is to the point that we are able to just cover our bills every month. We have nothing left to our names, and if an emergency ever came about...everything would completely unravel. I, too, love my husband. We have been married for 8 years and share two beautiful children together. I don't want to give up on him, but I don't know how much longer I can withstand this way of life. My last ditch attempt to hold this family together involves exactly what you mentioned. I am personally accompanying him to the GA meeting this week and every week from now on. I FIRMLY DISAGREE with the other posting which told you that escorting your husband to the meeting is like treating him like a child...and that this is not helping. If you feel that is what you need to do, then that is what you should do. It CERTAINLY isn't going to make matters worse, that is for sure. In my situation, it's the only thing left that I can do to try and help my husband. My husband has fallen off this "bicycle" far too many times, and I truely believe I would be doing him and our family a diservice by sitting back and watching him lose it all without becoming active in the role to help him get better. I've tried to let him seek help on his own, and it didn't work. Before long, the GA meetings were "not helping" or the times were too "inconvenient". I've heard it all. This time, though, I'm taking a more proactive approach. If it doesn't work, atleast I know that I've exhausted every means that I could think of to aid in his recovery. Good luck to you!! "
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Reply #8 - 01/14/09  8:46am
" Crystal, checking in with you. How did the GA meeting go for you and hubby? I am very interested to hear about the outcome to say the least.

While both Mike and Katherine (hi Katherine, nice to meet you) have valid points in response to your post, I hope recovery is found for you, your children, and your hubby.

Once recovery begins, I understand it is like the "east meeting the west" a never ending journey.

Best regards to you and your family today!!! deb "
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Reply #9 - 01/15/09  9:27am
" Hi Katherine,

i totally understand your frusterations and how you feel. It was so hard for me for over 2 years i was trying everything to put our family back together and he would lie until he was blue in the face.I left my husband Christmas eve because i caught him gambling CHRISTMAS so that was the breaking point for me and i knew i had to take care of myself and our daughters and i still am. we are trying really hard now to get things back to the way they used to be and who knows maybe that will never happen but i have hope because this person i see now is not the man i married. and i kills me. i went to the first meeting with him monday night and it was great it helped me a little but not as much as i thought it would. it was good to hear other stories and there is hope there were a few people that were there that haden't gambled since 1998. I have hope there are 3 meetings a week where i live and he is dedicated to going to all of them and that makes me proud. I do agree wiht you about the comment about escorting him to the meeting because that is definetly not what i was doing (escorting him) i found it helped. you know i also felt helped me was when i left because i had a better feeling of hey i am taking care of myself and i can do this and he is now opening up to me more and we are really trying to make this work i know we will also need marriage counselling at some point because i cant trust him. i am alwyas here to talk if you ever need someone.

Hey Deb,

I guess i just felt like angry when i was at that meeting on monday because i didnt get why this sort of thing happens. i know its a sickness but i just dont understand it. i only wanted him to go to one meeting a week and he wants to go to 3 a week now so that is a step in the right direction. i really believe he really wants to get better.

X Crystal "
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Reply #10 - 01/15/09  6:55pm
" Quigley, Deb and Katherine - I applaud you all for sharing your heart felt and heart breaking journeys with us. I am a CG and I have been on the other side of the coin. I am the addict with the disease - the liar and the cheat. Today this is changing and I have been clean for 7-8 months and in recovery for much longer. There is a time when I would have loved to have known the support and care of my husband like this and for him to give me my wake up call.He now supports me every step of the way. It is wonderful that you are showing such support and care. You seem to all have come to realise the basic bottom line that ultimately the admittance and the change is up to your hubby. The one thing I have learned is I cannot be rescued even though i wanted this time and time again. I had to come to this place myself - but - encouragement and support along the way is so important. YES go the the Ga meeting- if they run like our meetings you will be a silent participant and not able to share. You will still get insight into the life and mind of the addict. It will also show you that you are not alone. I know there are also specific meetings for those who are affect by the gambling of their family members - ask about these at your GA meeting. It is important that you have somewhere to go just for YOU.
I say WHATEVER IT TAKES! - Thank you for sharing your stories and honesty. Bless you. "

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