Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Thanks again for the other posts that came thru since I was last on, means a lot.

hello Nikki its like i am reading my own information i am also trying to stop, today is my 7th day without gambeling... i am in my mid 30s have been gambeling for about 9-10 yrs maybe longer than that just lost count... anyways i make really good money and i would take my whole check and gamble,and i stay at the casino 24 hrs somtime leave and come back the nxt day my children would beg me not to go and i woild still go as much as i love my kids i blocked them out wen it came to gambeling i have done alott of things i shpuldnt have even things that could have landed me in jail... i banned myself but i would still be able to go in the casino with no pro. i can go on and on i have tried in the past to stop and have only been to 2 ga meetings in the past year ,but bcuz i start bak gambeling i stopped going but now i am sooooo sik of being sik and tired and hurting my children its come to a point in my life where i need to see clearly thimk clearly and learn how it feels to have money in my poket and not have to worry how i am going to make it the rest of the wk with no money , i have had bad urges the past few days but today and yesterday i havent had any, feels god to have money in your pocket and not to be afraid to spend it cause i wud want to use it on gambeling. i hope we both get through it. and i am sure with gods help we will. best wishes Nikk

Hey Nicole, I don't have children, however I can see from reading your post, it hurts you a lot to know you have children and your still doing it. I understand you don't want to, but you see it is an addiction, it makes you lose control - this addiction is very bad and I think sometimes I almost try to downplay it compared to drugs/alcohol however in some cases this addiction is worse because it masks itself so well. As to this is why we can get away with it longer in a way, sounds bizarre in saying that, but true - if I did drugs the way I have gambled the last 19 yrs or so I think I would be dead, seriously! Just writing that freaked me because of the fact I have felt non-existent in part of my life for almost 2 decades it has taken my energy, time, spirit, drive, motivation, and drained me so badly that its almost a slower death, how sad?!?!?!?!
As humans we all know how resilient we can be, and we have to know we have that power and control to bounce back to normalcy. I know its possible, I did it before, I had 6+ no gambling and found more in life that made me smile. If envisioning that smiling to the casino makes you feel good, then I or we need to think (resolve another post) mentioned to try this then envision the long brutal ride home, with tears in your eyes and not a penny in your wallet. How to survive the next 2 weeks, you have to cancel plans, you have to scrounge for money to eat, you have to cancel your payments for bills, etc. Envisioning that right now makes me sick - and that's what I to keep thinking its just pathetic.
I hope in time I can find the strength to say no more; I get my direct deposit on wed., and have to pay my bills, however how sad my account has been negative from the day after of my last pay statement for $1,093.00, that's so screwed up!! I can only blame me however need to stop blocking this shi* and know its making my reality and tomorrow a nightmare - only this way I think I can make the change.
Thanks for reading, and may all have a beautiful weekend.
Nikki

Like so many others, I am reading my own story here. I make six figure salary yet have no cash to live on. My accounts are negative every payday. I put myself on a budget and this payday I am paying off two of the five payday loans that I have. I owe my boyfriend thousands. And yet my family and friends have no idea. My mom does because we have been partners in crime, so to speak, for 19 years since the casinos opened. I have Been a bystander on this site for six weeks reading and reliving the negative feelings and effects of gambling with everyone. Nikki your post has done me in. I have decided to quit gambling and regain life.. During the last six weeks I have been broke and depressed but I still go and play my free play and whatever I win. But seeing myself in you and the others wh have posted and i feel the agony of this vicious cycle that I have been living. Thanks to you all for your posts.

WOWWWW. Nikki you have giving me more strength and insparation, sadley to say i went and gambled yesterday bcuz my daughter slept over her friends. i was felt soo guilty walking through the door but yet i still went and gambled the little money i had in the christmas club and savings i took it out , i was sooo proud of myself for making it 7days straight without gambeling then all of a sudden , its sooo much i have to do with my mny and its sooooo much my kids and i cud do with the mny besides gamble it up, its scary feeling to knw that i am now getting more income then b4 and that makes me sooo scared of the thought of blowing it at a damn casino, i have to stop but one thing i can say is wen i left the casino i left with a lil money i just refuse to play it all bak it wasnt much but it was better than leaving with anything. i am not going to let that one day of gambeling get me down or discourage me i am going to keep on keeping on. i wish us all the best god bless us all, and thatnks again nikki

Niki,
Thank you for being so candid and honest. We all learn just how much we have in common with gambling addictions.

Gambling has taken so much from me...I too never realized just how powerful this can be. It's not a substance so it's hard to understand how it can be so addictive. I probably would not have believed it except that I became addicted and so did my Dad and Grandpa.

I could tell you how it totally destroyed my Dad's life....it's sad but true. Anyway...I know we can all have a happy ending to this sad and lonely road we are on. "Hang In There".

Patti

@Easygo, Nicole, Jabot and all -
We can't let this addiction destroy our lives anymore - for what to hit the "jackpot," on the slot machine, or to hit the "badbeat" jackpot at poker - its BS!! Are those really the dreams that we have that will make us feel better? I had thoughts while driving to casino that if I win the $300,000 jackpot at poker, I can buy my parent a car....I'm tricking my mind that my action of playing and possibly winning (NOT) will justify all of this craziness and I will make it up.
Its all the guilt that is really building up now in my life more than ever, now its eating at me...can't explain it.
Now that I think about it I could have bought 4 new cars the last 2-3 years, honestly and now I have a whole dollar sitting in my purse until payday - so freakin sick, that's really sick, not getting your aces cracked at a table!!! OMG!! Sorry, letting it out - I am so sick of this!

Niki:

I remembered those days when I had just $20 to live on for a week. I bought 5 - 99cents TV dinners and tried to come up some food from my Refrigerators which really don't have much in at first place. You will think that I will remember this hard week and not let it happen again. But no, a month later, I had to relive that $20 a week nightmare again.

JC, totally agree this is not the first time...that's for sure, the torture of it all, so not worth it. My next payday will cover my negative account and the + dollars have to go to my bills and I get some healthy food - that will me feel better not dumping that money, it will take a year plus to get my finances together but I have to start somewhere...

Wow, this has been a great thread for me to follow. I can SO relate to all the posts here and I have felt and am still feeling so much the same. Its only my first day not gambling, and Im so dang sick!! Ugh! I hate this feeling. The thing that bothers me the most is that Im a recovered alcoholic ... sober 7+ yrs and I have completely let the 12 step program that saved me become non-existent in my life and I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am in danger of picking up a drink if I dont get back to the meetings and do something about this gambling problem Ive got.
I am SO tired of playing beat the bank on checks written at the casino and juggling $,... the lying, and deception to my husband and family. ( like he doesn't know Ive got a problem, but regardless Ive been lying to him all along ). I finally came clean with him last night, and I cried and cried. I told him I needed help, that I cannot stop on my own will power. There aren't any face2face meetings or counsellors in my area, so Ive come here with the hopes that I can get the help I need. I know that its up to me, nobody can save me but me ( and God of course ). So, its time ...time to make the necessary changes to get myself healthy, get my life back in order and stop gambling!
Thanks everyone for being here:-)