Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

It sounds to me like you need couples therapy to deal with control issues, besides stopping the lottery stuff. It is really good that you recognize the addiction and have decided to stop....but I wonder...why the end of the month and not today? Forgive me for not knowing more as I have been off the board for a few days.

I have a thing about being TOLD how to spend. Goes back to my Dad NEVER giving us allowance but making us go to him and beg for money to go to the movies, or get Barbie clothes, or candy, etc. He would make it a HUMILIATING ordeal! I was THRILLED when I was old enough to babysit and start making my own momey so I wouldn't have to feel so degraded asking him and having to DEFEND a little splurge here and there.

I think you are SPOT ON about feeling it's a control issue...maybe you use gambling to assert your independence and say " I'll show you"....? I don't know...I'm not a therapist.

Would H agree to couples counseling around your gambling concerns? Maybe it would be a back door way to discuss how you feel controlled.

Just talking outloud.....playing with possibilities.

If he won't go...I suggest that you go for yourself. You might understand your own motivation better too.

I agree with Canterville. It sounds like two different issues. Counseling will help with the money control issues. Of course I am not a professional, but I did seem to pull from your statements that maybe some of your gambling is triggered by emotional pain. "he wants me to feel bad enough to keep buying them" You want money, you can't get it, you don't control it, you try to get it, you fail, all that seems to drives you a little bonkers. And it becomes one big circle of actions and reactions. I gambled because I did not feel loved by my wife, and I wanted so desperately to feel it. Gambling gave me the means to kill the pain and feel.... happy? Once I realized that I was letting my pain from her indifference overide my morals, my words, my intelligence, I vowed to not let her actions emotionally control me to destroy myself. That was a BIG day for me. You are not worthless!! YOU ARE NOT INSIGNIFICANT! Your husband doesn't know HOW to help you. My ex-wife didn't, and other spouses of other addicts don't either. That is why YOU have to make the choice that YOU are going to stop gambling. If you have the desire, the true desire to stop gambling, start TODAY! not at a predetermined time. NOW! Then live your life in such a way to nurture the recovery that YOU decided YOU will achieve. It is never easy, there are many unknown forces and emotions and attitudes involved that take time to discover and eliminate. The saying is so true. You can do it, it can be done, but it happens One Day at a Time. Make today the foundation day for all your other triumphant days to be built upon. Always with concern and love from DS and myself, Vaporlock.

I agree with Vaporlock and Canterville. Both of them gave very good advice. It is very sad and painful just to realize that we have an addiction, but it also the first step in the road to recovery. What makes it even more difficult is when the spouse doesn't know how or doesn't want to find how to help us. If you have a low self-esteem, which may accompany depression or other negative emotions, that will make matters even worse. You need strength and courage. You have it. It is there. Just tap into it. Remember: Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. He is in control and He is there for you. He is the very best support system. :-) Chin up!

REALLY GOOD ADVICE!!!!
I add only this- stop today!! Stop NOW!!! Preparing to stop is great, but in my own experience the deadlines I gave myself to quit made me all the more jumpy, itchy to gamble.....they came and went but the game kept on and on.....

Money is a strange thing and often brings out the worst in us......I pray for you and hope today will be better for you-

Thank you all so much. The reason for the end of the month is control I guess too, because I need to stop for myself not because he says "now". I feel like I am controlled either way. My husband had to go to the hospital today and I am very worried about him. Several months ago he had some problems and we took him to the hospital and they thought he had a mini stroke, they kept for a few days and last night I got to thinking about how grouchy he was right before he had that happen, and when he called me from work and told me he was coming home, same issues, I realized maybe whatever is causing these mini strokes are
affecting his temperment. Of course I feel really guilty. They kept him for observation
and we'll know more tommrow. I'm gonna stop this gambling, God willing, Wish me luck !!!!!! Thanks Again

There needs to be his money, your money, and "our money" Basically each one (within reason) can do anything they want with their own money.

That is a good concept, but honestly it doesn't work that way. In a perfect world that would be the best of ideas.